Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Most Committed Christian Men are not Interesting

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On the post about finding true love as a celibate Christian woman, a thread emerged about Christian men and the fact that it seems a lot of them, especially the ones who are willing to abstain, are not as interesting and other men around. At least not interesting enough to the women involved. The original poster mentioned it and other commenters agreed. Below is the latest comment to this effect. What is your own opinion and experience?

I am a 35 year old woman and a virgin. I have never dated a man who has been a virgin, although the 4-5 boyfriends I've had in my life have usually been quite loving and understanding--though they tend to get frustrated after a while and it has played a role in a couple of break-ups.

I have also felt that because of their own experiences they have pushed me into going further physically than I had intended to go. I can understand the desire. I have it too--this waiting thing is very difficult.

I have had Christian men, whom I imagine want to be celibate, interested in me, but I have not found them interesting. It's frustrating, I, like you, am committed to staying celibate/a virgin till married. My major issues have not been in finding men who do not respect that but in finding men who also match up to my other priorities, primarily being committed Christians and INTERESTING. The men I've met seem to be one or the other. :-P

Updated to add from the original commenter who wants to clear the air;

...It is the Christian men who want me I don't find interesting--not all Christian men in general. I do not find these particular Christian men interesting for the following reasons: they are overly pushy, they immediately mention marriage, they patronize and talk down to women, they are judgmental, they are overly "showy" about their Christianity (for example, always wanting to talk about church and no other topic), they don't seem to have much nuance or sophistication, etc. I'm NOT saying ALL Christian men are like this or that there are not many nonChristian men who are not also like this--but this is the problem I have with most of the ones who approach me....

...I am interested in a "worldly" man--one who is educated, has a good sense of humour and a sense of nuance, one I can discuss theology and religion with and not have him want to nail everything down into black and white.

Another of my pet peeves about the "uninteresting Christian men" I mentioned are those who assume that single women are just dying to get married and that will necessarily be interested in any man who comes along. I am 35, single, doing "interesting" things and enjoying my life. Of course, I would like to find an INTERESTING Christian man who I would enjoy coming home to. Of course, I would like to get married. But that is not my sole goal in life. And the "uninteresting Christian men" I mention above don't seem to get that.

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38 comments:


  1. There are loopholes in her story. She should define what she means by 'interesting' because the term is relative. This assumption is too fallacious.

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  2. What exactly does she mean by interesting though? feel like most people's definition of interesting are quite worldly which is a direct contradiction to her search for a Christian man.

    I've barely come across any guys younger than 30 who are willing to wait till marriage. So she's already making progress in that she's found committed Christian men.

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  3. Ms.T you sent me i stitches. SHE'S MAKING PROGRESS......LOL
    I bet she's Nigerian Myne, it's only in Nigeria where you can find even a 50 year old virgin.

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  4. hahahahahaha, ok, i'm the anonymous person who posted this, and I'm sure that I'm now going to be attacked by plenty of virtuous Christian people who say that my not finding Christian men interesting is why I am a "spinster" at 35. Let me clarify. I know lovely good Christian men (many of them now married), and over the years I have crushed on quite a few lovely good (unmarried) Christian men. Last year I met this amazingly interesting Christian man, who was dating an athiest (and I admit my prudish Christian self was like--why now?! lol!) It's just that none of the interesting, lovely Christian men I have met have been interested in me. It is the Christian men who want me I don't find interesting--not all Christian men in general. I do not find these particular Christian men interesting for the following reasons: they are overly pushy, they immediately mention marriage, they patronize and talk down to women, they are judgmental, they are overly "showy" about their Christianity (for example, always wanting to talk about church and no other topic), they don't seem to have much nuance or sophistication, etc. I'm NOT saying ALL Christian men are like this or that there are not many nonChristian men who are not also like this--but this is the problem I have with most of the ones who approach me....

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    1. Sorry for putting you on the spot, I have now updated the post with some of your comments.

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  5. Ah, I posted and now I see all the responses. By "interesting" perhaps Mz.T is right. I am interested in a "worldly" man--one who is educated, has a good sense of humour and a sense of nuance, one I can discuss theology and religion with and not have him want to nail everything down into black and white.

    Another of my pet peeves about the "uninteresting Christian men" I mentioned are those who assume that single women are just dying to get married and that will necessarily be interested in any man who comes along. I am 35, single, doing "interesting" things and enjoying my life. Of course, I would like to find an INTERESTING Christian man who I would enjoy coming home to. Of course, I would like to get married. But that is not my sole goal in life. And the "uninteresting Christian men" I mention above don't seem to get that.

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  6. To me, these are just the trials of finding mr/ms right. Everyone goes through it. Haven't we all dated people that we had something in common with that failed to hold our interest? If all you date are Christian men in general, then of course all the failed relationships will also be with Christian men. That's just common sense. There's nothing unique about the story at all. (and i mean that in nicest way possible)

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  7. It is true jare! All these born again men are very boring. Every thing is a sin, or improper. Morning prayer, night prayer, breakfast, dinner prayer, weekly fellowship, scripture talk, never give room to the devil...
    I know them too well. They are terribly boring.

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    1. not boring to someone who is also interested in the same things. some guys only want to talk about football ... that would be boring to a non-sports person

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    2. Not true...Its just the guys you've met. I'm male, a virgin and under 30. I'm born again as well and I won't give that up for anything. And I know i'm definitely not boring.

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  8. @kayceeuzor, lol EXACTLY

    @LadyNgo, no, of course there is nothing unique in the story. In fact, I have many Christian girlfriends who also moan about this exact problem. Actually I have, to my discredit (in what I am hoping for), dated mostly non-Christian men--thus the "interesting" but "not committed Christian" description. The interesting Christian men I have met are either already married or in a relationship, or show no interest in me. The boring Christian men (of the sort kayceeuzor mentions--though I have also been approached by a reformed drug dealer--lol)--are the ones who approach me. ;-)

    I'm a pretty devout Christian, though I must sound completely "worldly" and "compromising" to some people on here, which is why the past relationships have mostly not worked out very well. But I also like being honest and just saying it like it is, especially whe I'm anonymous. lol!

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    1. Pls babes I beg u stop....

      I get you, you want a Christian Dude with a Swag....tell baba God and make sure you are Christian lady with a swag so the bro will not mistake.

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  9. Anonymous, I'm curious about one thing; What do you bring to the table? Could it be that you are not interesting enough for the interesting men you desire?
    There is a guy for every woman out there so I have no doubt that your special man is within reach :-)

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    1. Lol. Unanimous. I seem to be interesting enough for the "interesting" non-Christians--just not the "interesting" Christians.

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  10. LMAO!! Unanimous just cracked me the heck but you know...that is a good question.

    So the question is...are you one of those that come up all the ideas and fun stuff to do and the men are not interested--they boring/not interesting

    OR are you waiting for them to come up with the fun/interesting things to do--both uall boring/you're not interesting yourself.

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  11. This is quite thought provoking and should be an eye opener for a whole lot of committed single Christian men. I think the problem stemmed from the fact that a lot of single Christian men have this idea that, to get a pass mark from a single Christian lady, you have to show how committed you are to your Christian tenets. This notion, I believe came about because of a pre-conceived idea that that a woman wants and like a godly man therefore, I better proof to her that I take my Christianity seriously. Meanwhile, this is a misconception of the highest order. My take on this to single christian men out there is; just be yourself! Don't try too hard to show you are godly. If you truly and really are, your character will show it in a subtle "not in your face" kind of way. Above all, being a christian don't stop you from having fun, looking and acting cool and interesting. Don't be heavenly focus and earthly useless, that is not the way to enjoy life. God put us here and created this wonderful planet to enjoy and when we get to heaven we will enjoy heaven also but, while we are here...PLEASE enjoy it with the bone of your bone and the flesh of your flesh. God bless you.

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  12. I too think a lot of Christian men r very boring. They don't go on dates, they don't even know hoe to say I love you. What happened to going to the pro together, taking walks etc. The Christian men in America or couples know how to have fun. They do stuff like camping etc. I think nigeiran Christian men should closeness up n realize that they aren't Gods solution to the female race.
    Www.secretlilies.blogspot. om

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  13. Jason Illian did a chapter in his book(Undressed: The naked truth about love sex and dating) about this type of boring christians you refer to. You should read it, especially xtian guys who believe they have to be boring and conventional to live upright lives. Jesus wasn't boring you know. He was an alpha male, a man's man;)

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    1. no jesus wasn't no alpha male ... he had a meek and gentle spirit. ain't no way you can be an alpha male with that.
      you must be mistaking david for jesus.

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  14. Yeah I know what you mean.

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  15. Sorry. I deleted and reposted in order to correct a mistake.


    If I might make my little contribution as a man who used to live as a Born Again Christian.

    Even though I am not a practising Christian in the sense of contributors to this thread, my interpretation of the post might be meaningful.

    What the poster might have experienced could be related to a divorce between cultural range and Christian depth that Pentecostals at times suffer from.

    Cultural range refers to one's scope of involvement with life in general. Your level of interest in issues beyond yourself, from local, national and world politics to other civilisations to hobbies.

    Spiritual depth is your level of immersion, like a person sinking into a stream, in a spiritual life.

    The impression I get from the posting is that lady might have met committed Christians who exemplify in a negative sense the detachment from the world that Christ exemplified.

    Note, Christ had no paid job, no house of his own, was an itinerant preacher who was fed by his disciples and a social rebel.

    Imitating Christ, for some people, has come to mean keeping one's distance from the world as represented by humanity's cultural developments, not bothering to learn about other belief systems because they are all false anyway, not reading much except to pass exams and Christian books because all these are shallow anyway beside the work of God, having little understanding of social graces beceause how relevant is that besides true realities of life etc etc

    In a country like Nigeria it is easier to be such a person because the development of cultural scope requires resources people might not readily have.

    It takes money to buy books, to go on outings, to buy smart clothes, to educate yourself beyond the minimum, to travel etc etc

    So, I would not be surprised that the people who are not Christians could be more interesting because they have a broader range of involvement with life.

    I expect something similar occurs among Muslims, as in Northern Nigeria but not in the South , because the Southern Muslims seem generally more sophisticated than those from the North.

    My conclusion is that your experience is part of your path as a Christian, particularly in a country where self development might not come easy.

    I suggest you dont ignore your sensitivity to what constitutes an interesting man for you because it is likely to make a lot of difference to the quality of your relationships.

    Now, sisters here might not like this but I will conclude on a note that you could consider marrying a non-Cristian or even an atheist if they are able to respect your core principles.

    Note, Christ said on the last day, many will come and say 'We raised the dead in your name' and I will say-begone from me. When I was hungry you did not give me food to eat.Then they will ask, when did we not give you food to eat? I wil then tell them-whatsoever you did to the least of your brethren, that you did unto me.

    If truly there is heaven or the Last Day, there will be much shock.Many Christians who were great pastors, even raising the dead, will not go to heaven but perhaps John down the road who was kind to people but was not a Christian will enter heaven.

    Anyway, I am interested in meeting ladies interested in spirituality and cultural breadth. I am working at developing both. You can reach me at compcros@gmail.com.

    thanks

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    1. makes sense..long post but makes sense, the whole analogy....

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    2. Wonderful contribution. I totally agree with your analysis. But I should add that sometimes when we search for interesting people, we should be ready to do some work to bring out the interesting part of the 'uninteresting' people we meet. Many times we are so caught up with the love of ourselves that we fail to see that we can become the medium through which another person becomes a better person. if you meet a guy who is hardworking, committed to the things of God, and is clean, but doesn't have a good sense of humour and doesn't really hold women in high regard, don't you think there are things you can do to influence his thinking patterns (I am careful not to say change him)?

      Personally, I have found that some of the female friends I have would tell me they are boring, only to come across as interesting people when I start asking them specific questions about their lives, their joys, their aspirations etc.

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  16. The question is what do you want... A committed christian or a shayo master?... Pls let's not mix things up. A leader in church can't go to club, he can't be in a beer house or hang out late, but rather he can attend his evening programs and night vigil. These are two different worlds and should not be confused with each other. If a man is proud, being religious has nothing to do with it, but rather his temperament and family standards are responsible for dat. Better still why don't you communicate your perspective of live and try to creat your fun. As 4 me being a committed christian does not mean I shouldn't take my fiancee out, but there're placing I won't go to. That's me and I won't apologise for it.

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    1. Word... well said....

      I think she should just drop the topic now.... before I start defending the Christian bros, half of them are still founding who they are in Christ btw.

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    2. While I agree with you Emmy, I would say that a committed Christian can be fun in many ways that do not go against his principles. Hollywood has strongly sold us the idea of what fun is and so many of us can't think outside that box anymore. Has any of us ever had the feeling of being pleasantly surprised we (or someone) did or said something that seemed fun even though we never thought they would?

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    3. thank you jare. there is a difference between a committed christian and a shayo master. i have the same problem actually ... i am a very committed christian and the more I grow, the less interested i am in the conventional entertainment available.
      i think it is wrong to use conventional entertainment as a yardstick for something interesting. what interests me is not what interests you. the poster should find and define herself first and then it will be easier to find someone. There are several men for every stage of christianity.

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  17. Some men are not interesting,christian or not. I kinda understand her sha considering I have a Suitor that almost fits her description.

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  18. Nice post everyone, I am of the option that the lady in question should define and build boundaries around the term "INTERESTING". Interesting in a godly scene or worldly scene. What makes a Man interesting and not interesting?
    Assuming that Christian single man/brother are uninteresting is a One sided story.

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    1. #GBAM! I should write a blogpost on the other side!

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  19. I totally get u.I'm engaged to an "uninteresting christian" guy n am still not 100% certain that I would marry him. I've dated both christian and non christian guys with swags but never led to the altar.I kinda got tired of waiting/looking out for the type of guy that sets my pulse racing hence I decided to go ahead with this guy.So my dear,its your decision to make...but I believe if u can wait and don't settle, its worth it.

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  20. I'm of the opinion that acceptability shldnt be based on interesting or boring...Relationship/marriage is a choice, if he/she isnt your type, keep praying and be open..your type is jst around d corner..he/she will meet his/her own kind of person and you too will. what you call boring mite jst be anoda's interesting or 'dream come tru'...

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