Monday, October 8, 2012

Is it OK to Snoop through your partner’s Phone or Email?

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In the article, How to show Nigerian Love, Elnathan lists cooking as one of the entitlements due a Nigerian man. The commensurate entitlement, he says, is for the woman to snoop through her man's phone. In his words, "This is the time to dive for his phone and read all his text messages. You will find something. If you don’t, go through his call records- you are likely to find calls to or from an Amaka after he said he needed to rest last night."

Personally, I do not support snooping and don't think I'll do it. More likely, I'll just ask. Two wrongs don't make a right, or do they? While I think snooping is a sign of insecurity and will mostly only further add to the distrust in a relationship, who knows? Maybe some people are justified when they end up seeing what they were looking for, especially in the case of cheating.

What are your thoughts and experiences with snooping?


  1. Me,, I do snoop o make I no lie. So far I;ve seen nothing, but who can trust men?

  2. I completely trust my husband but I still read his email and facebook messages. Not because I think he is doing anything wrong but because he always leaves them open on our computer and I am super nosy! He knows I do it because I will talk to him about something I read in his email. i.e. his mother telling him about his uncles award or his sisters upcoming track meet. etc.

    1. My dear, don't be decieved, he may have several email acounts and facebook names. Enough said

  3. This "snooping" business. If i didn't find anything, you probably wouldn't even know i did it and i most likely wouldn't do it again. But if i did find something...well...

    Trust is a funny thing. I have an incomplete post sitting in the draft box about it. Maybe i should talk to my fingers about finishing it up and posting it lol.

  4. I believe open communication is important. Like I have all my husband’s passwords for emails, phones, etc and vice versa. For example he can be driving and his phone would beep and he’ll say check it for me, ok, type XXXX, in response.
    Occasionally, I pick his phone and read his chats, etc and generally look through his phone, but I do it in his presence, so I don’t know if that qualifies as snooping, call it staying abreast and more often than not I find what he has told me and if I find something new, I can discuss it with him, like OMG, did X say this or did Y do this and he’ll be like oh, yeah and give me the full story.
    Snooping to me is going behind his back, waiting till he sleeps or is taking a shower to look through his stuff. So no I don’t snoop

  5. There was a time where I have seen the emails, text messages and call history of my husband. But it was not helpful! Because one has imagined the worst only to find that there was nothing in it. So I decided I no longer pretend that. In a relationship you have to be able to trust yourself, and the emails, texts and Facebook Comments should be considered as privacy of others.

  6. Myne Whitman I hope you know the meaning of the word satire? And that Elnathan is a satirical writer? Just had to ask before people possibly lynch him like the The Aluu 4.

  7. Snooping; I don't support that. One thing about this is that you will never be satisfied if you have not gotten an evidence to hold against your partner. You will keep fuelling your insecurity unknowingly until you can connect the dots that probably show he/she is a cheater.

  8. Wahala dey sleep who wan go wake am? Personally, I'm not gun-ho for snooping but women know the kind of man they've got o. And a gal's gotta do what a gal's gotta do I suppose

  9. I was a snooper in my last relationship and it helped in strengthening my decision to leave. Someone told me though that if you are looking for something you are more than likely to find it. I guess I was insecure and needed the snooping to take the feeling of insecurity away. If I hadn't seen anything I'd have been assured that all was well but anytime I picked that rubbish phone I saw things that made me go hmmm

  10. Now this is a tough one. Snooping is one activity that is almost irresistible to people generally and I dare say, especially women. Of course, if you have a cause for suspicion, you just feel that urge to snoop around so the key to avoiding this is trust. Even men find themselves snooping from time to time. The results on both sides are usually a discovery of some unpalatable stuff that wuld have been better left undiscovered so I think it's safer not to put that load on oneself. After all, as the old folks say, 'what you don't know cannot kill you'.

  11. Firstly,you only hurt yourself snooping,why put yourself through that? Also,snooping doesn't only require your hands scrolling the phone,it requires some psychological input and that isn't always good.Secondly,if you do find something,what next? You already are suspicious,so what would you do with your findings? If things are going well and smoothly,why ruin it with snooping or suspicion?

  12. I dont snoop, i am a trust my boo kinda person even if he's just lying.

    In my last relationship, things became akward between us, thia person that doesnt like scratching and loading recharge cards became master scratcher because he didnt want holding the phone. I got suspicious and wanted to confirm my suspicions. I was right, it was the beginning of the end of the relationship.

    Would i snoop again? No...but if things become akward like u changing a password that u willing gave me? I just might....

  13. ermmmmm i dont snoop and I have never had the reason to but sha I will say this, I think TRUST is one of the factors to a great strong foundation, healthy and progressive relationship and marriage. If it makes my hubby feel comfortable to have the passwords.. there u go.. nothing to hide. There is nothing hidden in this life that will never be exposed... soo.

    in the past, I have given out my passwords to email, fb etc cos I needed to check something ASAP or re do stuff.

    None the less, some take liberty for license. I bet some will take it for granted and start stalking everything... NOT COOL.

  14. It wasn't actually snooping,it was boredom. You know how you pick up a fone and go thru all the menu and apps to see what makes a phone tick? I wasn't interested in the text mesgs. It was actually the calender and the side notes attached to particular dates that heralded started the heart break and changed the adventure to snooping.
    I felt bad and regretted doing it. But I thought if I hadn't how long would I have be conned.
    I've never tried it again.

  15. Ignorance is no excuse..snoop so that you dont get the carpet been pulled from under your feet when you least expect it. If there are trust issues, make sure you are not going paranoid by checking phones, emails to see whats going on so you can make the best decision with the adequate "knowledge" you have acquired.

    I dont have the stats and i dont like putting on unfounded claims out there however i feel certainly sure that majority of those who snooped have found something to be concerned about because the instinct to snoop is triggered by a thought/inkling/emotion all of which God almighty has given us for a reason i.e protection.

    BE WISE.

  16. I don't snoop but I have passwords to my hubby's emails, phones, accounts and all that. Trust is an essential ingredient in a relationship.

    Any person can delete or code information these days that I wonder if the snooping will work sef....

  17. Mmmm. I recently had a conversation with a Nigerian girl that's married to a very terrible boy Myne and she admitted she has done this because of situations where her friends have told her she has no husband. Apparently she's found damaging evidence everywhere from phones to online and is storing it. When my husband and I talked about it he said she would never address it with authority with him and make a decision to go because Nigerian girls are taught to endure. I find this very sad because she is in her mid twenties and chances are, by the time she finds her voice and will she will have lost a decade of her life.

  18. The bible says seek the truth. I'd you feel that inkling to not turn deaf ears. Snoop for the desired truth. When all is well and food you rarely contemplate snooping. However when he is hiding his phone, you know something is up. When turns off his call waiting know something is up. Save yourself a divorce and snoop that boyfriends phone. A woman is the first to know...we just need to stop turning deaf ears with hopes that a potential problem will go away I'd we ignore it long enough

  19. My boo vulnerability has made me to be less concern when it's comes to checking his email,fb,any gadget that has password. they are open most times.
    Psychologically my mind let me to understand there no nothing to hide,but if it was the other way round, I might be tempted to snoop.

    So I guess there is no smoke without fire,but the bottom line is doing what need to be done/with consent or without hurting other person feeling.

  20. I must admit i do snoop! these days there's less time to even bother about it(I have toddlers you see). But indeed it is a sign of distrust and perhaps insecurity

    maybe i should completely stop it? :s

  21. I snoop, not because I didn't trust him, just out of curiosity, Sometimes you just want to know what's up with him outside you, just to know him some more...

    I don't think I would snoop in the future tho' funny thing is I like when I know you snooping through my phone because it means(to me) you care enough to wanna know, maybe because I don't have anything to hide.

  22. It's not OK because you might get to see what will hurt you and that is where the problem is going to start from.

  23. Em, I just like being sure. I snoop when he's been funny or his schedule changes. I find nothing, we are good. Over and over again. Insecure, I maybe but snooping sure helps me keep my balance.

  24. I did snoop recently on a guy who was asking me out,it saved me a lot of heartache cos I discovered he was feeding the same line to another lady.Sometimes,snooping pays,sometimes it doesn't !

  25. TRUST is the keyword. If u really trust and respect him then u shouldn't go snooping around.
    And if u don't trust him then u shouldn't be with him.
    How would u feel if ur hubby has to snoop ur fone and mail wheneva u get back home?
    Sounds silly abi? So don't do it to him also.

  26. Snooping: I used to go through my guy's phone with him on the bed, couch, wherever but then the guy who professed he loves me so much missed my birthday yet he was in the same area I was on that day. He got a car and went to celebrate without me then the snooping starts.

    I started going through his phones when he tells me things like 'am so sorry I was so busy at work that I couldn't call' or 'I couldn't call cos my battery was flat' or just stuffs he never says before and when he stopped picking some calls when am there, like saying things like 'oh this person is disturbing me'

    Then I found things that shock my very world: not one girl, not two, not three etc. All those time where spent with someone else. I was hurt but I showed him all, quarrelled and fought with him and he warned me never to do that that it will ruin our relationship not giving me assurance that he will change. I still stayed with him cos I love him.

    Then I went to school and I saw the worst on face book, I still stayed after crying but one day I waited for his call from morning till evening and when he did not call, I call and broke off the relationship or supposed marriage. Told him that am not good enough for him to even remember in a day, that he never cared for me.

    Now, not a day goes by without him calling, telling me that if I leave he will die, making plans for marriage. I don't dispute he doesn't cheat on me still but all am saying is that it makes know who I am with else I would have been a fool and never knew what was going on in our life.

    It destroys as well as save else one will be in a relationship and will be giving an invitation to his fiancés wedding.

    God help us and make us not ignorant of the devil's devices. Amen.


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