Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Halle Berry, Low Self Esteem and Bad Choices in Men

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Some of us often ask why a woman in an unhealthy relationship remains in it. As much as we don't know her partner as she does, and maybe he does need help, first of all however, the victim has to realize her self-worth in order to begin to understand that she needs to withdraw from that relationship and save herself before she can worry about her partner and what he needs. [see post on Rihanna still loves Chris Brown]

Let's not forget the children in the picture, whom if care isn't taken, grow up and see dysfunction as normal. Their self esteem takes a beating, and this may affect them for the rest of their life. It is very important to bring up children who are very much aware of how much their parents love and care for them.

Halle Berry, who grew up in a single parent home, joked in the interview that her esteem issues had led to her having a broken picker when it comes to men. In her words, “just because they see my face doesn’t mean they see me. A person’s self-esteem has nothing to do with how she looks. Self-esteem comes from who you have in your life. How you were raised. What you struggled with as a child."

I think this is a valid point. Self-esteem is definitely more than just looks, and whether pretty or regular, how we feel about ourselves is often the biggest determinant of the choices we make in life.

It is therefore imperative that we are good role models for our own kids and all other children around us. Even as adults, it is not too late to work on our self-esteem in order to be balanced and fulfilled individuals. When we have sorted out who we are and what we want, it becomes easier to make better life choices including in love and relationships.

Halle Berry admitted in the same interview that while she may be beautiful, that does not make her infallible or prevent her from sometimes choosing the wrong men for her. She explained that low self esteem had a lot to do with her tumultous love life and the seemingly bad relationship choices she has made in the past.

This can be related to how, what, and why some women decide to accept some kinds of men in the first place, and/or stick with him even after it has become clear that he is not at all what we expected, wanted or hoped for. For Halle Berry, this has meant,

a domestic violence episode that left her with an 80 percent hearing loss in one ear. Hit-and-run charges from an accident in 2000. A four-year marriage to the baseball player David Justice, resulting in a breakup that Berry has described as having precipitated thoughts of suicide.

Her second marriage, to the singer Eric Benét, ended after Benét admitted infidelities and checked into rehab for that old Hollywood standby, sex addiction.

Last year, a stalker trespassed on Berry’s property three times over the course of as many days. After serving six months in prison, he was ordered to undergo psychiatric treatment and issued a restraining order.

Now comes the custody struggle with Gabriel Aubry. And, despite her vow, delivered emphatically on Oprah’s couch, in 2004, that she would “never marry again — never,” she is engaged to yet another fabulously handsome performer.

Indeed, Halle Berry has not had it easy with men though she seems to always pick herself up and move ahead. She is now engaged to Olivier Martinez and hopes her picker is fixed. I hope for her sake and that of her daughter that this one works out.

What has been your own experience or thoughts?


  1. well said.,i really am not for judging people with violent relationships they "can't" get out of..,most who judge simply think they "don't" want to leave the relationships when it's psyche and esteem problem most of the time ...i especially like the last paragraph..the problem can be solved from the roots to produce lasting effects.
    goodluck with d new man Halle!

  2. She's so pretty. I hope this ends on an extremely happily ever after.


  3. Unreal but I'll admit very comforting to hear an incredibly beautiful woman like Halle admit to battling with self esteem issues. I've not been blessed with anything near her beauty, but I've struggled (and still struggle) with low self esteem for years. I'm sure most people have to deal with some level of it occasionally, but for sufferers like Halle (and me, I think), their need for constant validation in the form of someone making them feel loved and valued and beautiful and even useful will almost always supersede the greater, more human need for your own safety. From my experience, when you have low days, you don't remember any of the good things anyone has ever said to you, you don't even see your beauty when you look in the mirror. Those old wounds from your past, all the mistakes you've ever made, that scar on your face that nobody can see, that's all you'll be able to see or remember to the point where it actually hinders your rational thinking (I've never been comfortable admitting how I've really felt during a serious low because I always think nobody would get it - and they won't, of course, because it's all completely irrational, but that's not the way I see it in that moment).

    I think it takes lots of dedicated work on it to truly build up that real, tangible, solid self esteem, and I don't think sufferers will ever get fully over it, but they can definitely get better. In Halle's case, without knowing what she's done to overcome it, I can't speculate as to whether this latest fiance will be the real deal. Let's hope for her sake (and that of her daughter's) that he is. Would be such a shame to have that lovely child of hers grow up with low self esteem!

    Every young girl should be taught to feel beautiful and valued and important, otherwise when she's old enough, she will seek that validation from every man that throws it her way.

    Didn't mean to write an essay, lol. Thank you for stopping by my blog! I've missed your side of the pond.

    1. Oh my! You write so wonderfully! What's your name?

  4. The funny thing is that people see her and assume she has a perfect life. Low self esteem makes people feel "privileged" whenever someone shows them the slightest form of affection. And they hang on to abusive relationships because they think no one else would ever love them.

    Every solid relationship should start with both sides feeling complete in themselves not looking for someone to complete them.

  5. She needs a relationship with God. No relationship with any other person or any other thing can satisfy the place that God will fill in your heart.

    1. Yes sister.... you can say that again.. not to sound spiro spiro... SHE NEEDS JESUS. XXX

      humans are unpredictable.

    2. Thank you. Therein lies the problem. The thing is that these people don't believe in God.

  6. great analyses. low self esteem definitely comes from who you are. i have seen people with devastating low self esteem recover and become really confident in themselves once they get to understand you can become entirely someone new once you get to know Jesus. you take on and put upon you His nature and person and live as such.

  7. A low esteem person needs one to assure and reassure her that he/she is somebody as it is in the case of that beautiful lady who looks for a loved one, trusted, trustworthy, honest and sincere e.t.c. However before 'a perfect man' can be met you firstly have intimacy with the true perfect which is God through Christ Jesus by repenting of your sin and giving totality of your life to Him.
    Though upbringing, environment and background especially soci-financial however divine hand change and remould because He is the potter and we are clay in His hand.
    Finally suffering Halle Berry undergoes is uncalled for if she has given her life to Christ she would have had a happy home, settle life and peaceful mind e.t.c. .
    God always makes His a name and a praise i.e. Very important as the prince and princess that is in the right mind can never be low esteem likewise child will never be as his/her Father is the King of kings and Lord of lords and over all in heaven, beneath the earth, on the earth, in the sea, and above.


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