Monday, October 1, 2012

Coming out of the Closet of Infertility

Posted in: , ,

"...one in four ever-married women of reproductive age in most developing countries are infertile because of primary or secondary infertility." WHO estimate
I know some of you will be shocked or surprised. Some may have guessed or were wondering. Well, wonder no more. I am coming out. I have medical problems getting pregnant, and I need assisted reproductive therapy to conceive. In fact, I may never get pregnant and may never bear biological children. In one way or the other, infertility has been part of who I am for the past two years and may always be. I own it. I am an infertile.

I decided to come out and also blog about my infertility experience because of the following;

- This is a personal blog, and if I share my romance on a road trip, I should also share my life with infertility. This blog is called Romance meets Life, after all.

- There seems to be a lot of ignorance around Infertility and I hope this would be an opportunity to build a wider awareness and support.

- I have discovered than I am not your typical infertile and I'm wondering if there are any others like me. Also, this way, I can get to tell - and with this platform others will hear - a different story.

- When we told our families about our struggles, there was a lot of relief for us, and apart from a few close friends, this blog is my next family. I feel burdened keeping it secret/private, and I don't like that feeling.

- Sometimes, there are news of couples who spark rumors when, after 5 - 10 years of not having children, they go on to have a child or twins or triplets. I can't help but feel like there's some stigma to using assisted reproductive therapy to conceive. I know some also adopt secretly for personal reasons.

In starting to blog about my experience, I acknowledge that there was a fear that my readers and the general public who may come to read this blog will judge me, may take up where close friends had stopped in telling me what I need to do, that some women and fellow bloggers will become uncomfortable around me and this blog, or begin to keep secrets and distance themselves from me. I know some will think I did something shameful to cause my infertility rather than to accept simply that this is the hand we have been dealt by life.

I won't say I don't care about those negative opinions, but I'd rather define myself than allow others do it. With this blog I will like to share my perspective and the process of one individual wife and her husband and their journey of living and loving with infertility. As much as I do not like giving it, I will also give my advice, and how I have learned to deal with this part of my life. You will read about our hope for the future, and some encouragement for those who are also in the same situation.

The blogs will not contain a lot of technicalities about my privacy or that of Atala and I may not give day by day doctor's visits, drug prescriptions and test results. I was confused and felt locked out of a lot of infertility online forums because of such TMI and I want casual readers including men and other women not living with infertility to be able to follow and relate with my posts.

I do not have all the answers, I am still learning, and I hope I can be honest as how this affects me, my relationship with others, and my marriage. Atala and I are equally exploring options for adoption and I want to be able to share that in future to give some insight to those who may be interested.





110 comments:

  1. Thank you for coming out...as Africans we act like it's something to be ashamed of. I have two cousins who are currently going through this, and it has been heartbreaking watching them go through it. One of them told me she feels like she's defective in some way, like damaged goods. I felt so sad hearing her say that. Her husband is not interested in adoption, and rumor is that his family has a girl for him so that even though he won't divorce my cousin, he can have his own biological child. Please do blog about your experiences. You never know who it may help.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your reply. That is so sad about your cousin, I hope she gets her heart's desire.

      Delete
  2. awww Myne i am e-hugging you right now that is very brave of you i feel honoured that you would share this with us your readers. I have no problem reading about it on this blog that's fine by me. Those babies will be here when it is their time to be here and it doesn't matter if you push them out or they come from someone else (legally of course lol) it is how you bring them up and the values you instill in them that matters. That is my motto on motherhood and i am passing it on to you be blessed!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. eHugs back! I promised to be honest and I confess that your words brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much!

      Delete
  3. Thanks for sharing. I'll prefer to read about it on THIS blog. In a non-creepy way, I think this blog has made me a part of your life, and this is really just another chapter in your life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I forgot to say how courageous you are to write this post. WOW! JUST WOW! I am sure you will make a difference by sharing your experiences, for that I say thank you in advance.

      Delete
    2. You know, I thought of you as I was making this decision and you gave me courage. Thank you.

      Delete
  4. I admire your courage for coming out with this. I don't think you need to start another blog on it. This blog is just fine. Basically, just do what you're comfortable with.
    I really wish you all the very best.

    ReplyDelete
  5. My dear, you may be slow but don't allow modern medicine to define your fate. I know it Will happen someday and 2 yrs is not that long. You are not an infertile, God has not visited your case yet.
    You are in my prayers and I know it Will happen someday.

    Regards,
    Precious Reuben.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Precious, I define my fate by the strength God has given me. God is and has always been on my case. Thanks for your prayers.

      Delete
  6. I'm extremely mindblown by your courage coming out with this. Especially considering the quintessential Nigerian view on an infertile woman. Call me Nolly addicted but one of the reasons I am more than excited about this is because I trust that you will shed a new light on the issue. Something different from the light Nigerian movies have continuously depicted the issue in. So that other women in similar situations realize that there are indeed two sides to a cone... I am excited and look forward to reading your posts on THIS blog! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks NollyRE, I hope I am able to do that. Every body may not be like me or agree with me, but I will try to be honest as much as I can.

      Delete
  7. Myne, I bu nwanyi eji eje mba. Indeed there is nothing to be ashamed of. We all have friends sisters cousins dealing with it. Maybe we can learn something.

    Do blog about it here. You can do a weekly update or as much as you want. Let romance meet life here :)

    Ihe ahu ichoro, Chukwu ga-emere gi ya oo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amen. Thanks so much for your support all along, Ginger. Knowing I had readers like you guys made the decision easier.

      Delete
  8. Myne hun!Like your blog name Romance meet life, adding your experience will be iceing on the cake. I know many will be blessed by your future post regarding this issue.

    Two of my close relative waited for what seemed like forever, the journey wasn't easy, but there was light at the end of tunnel. one day it will be ur turn!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I am glad you decided to come out. My sister is going through the same and she is our firstborn. I can imagine what she goes through as she does not talk about it. Please ignore the negative critiques and share your experience. I pray God see you and Atala through this. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  10. I think it's always a good thing when we are honest about the trials in our lives. Like others above said, you never know who you are helping through the process. You're a writer and your words have power. I went through a period of 3 years of infertility and lost pregnancies. I feel very blessed to have been able to have 3 beautiful children since then. I have a friend who has been through nearly 10 years of treatments and lost pregnancies and it is heartbreaking to watch. I wish you the very best and think you are blessing people's lives by sharing your story. :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Myne you are indeed brave and strong. Ever since I came across your blog I've learnt a lot ,really.
    I feel so proud of you for wanting to blog about this you said it already,your blog is romance meets life....blog about it here. This blog is your home.
    Lots of hugs and love.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Such an uncommon woman you are, Myne. This is my first time of posting a comment on this blog despite the fact that i follow and read your posts regularly. This time, i am however persuaded to say something by the virtue in this act of yours. For me, people of strenght are those that have come to appreciate thier weakness and dealt with it. I see this not as a fait accompli by any strain but a challenge that will roll over when its time elapses. When its beyond us, its time to think JESUS...All He needs is faith as little as a mustard seed. It is well with you. If you decide to write about it, i would read it with prayers in my spirit for you. You are blessed.

    ReplyDelete
  13. The is the first blog I have ever commented on, but I was so drawn to your story and question I could not pass up the opportunity to reply. I appreciate the strength and courage it takes to open your heart and soul to your readers. But please know that not only is it appreciated it is needed. There are so many of us in this world who struggle with infertility, it is nice to know we are not alone. The rollercoaster of emotions we feel on a day to day,cycle to cycle basis are ok. And I belive in every story of infertility is a story of true love. Sometimes life takes us down an unexpected path, the road gets bumpy but love prevails. It is these times we rely on our husband or our husband on us and see the true love that is within and the strength of our relationship. So to you I say thank you and wish you nothing but strength and wisdom with whatever comes your way.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Myne, that was deep and very personal of you to open up on a very touchy subject especially being a popular blogger. I love you as a sister and know that God is your strength, you are a strong woman, very brave, a great talent, God has a special plan for your life. Don't worry about it, just live it to God. I know he is working out a special testimony for your life and also one full of encouragement through your blog for other women going through it. I love you, big hugs from me to you.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Myne dearie, you rightly said don't let others define you. I believe you should document your journey on your blog. Struggles are a part of our daily life and ive discovered that the people who discriminate the most are the ones with hidden agendas! I know the medical tests and all can be daunting but just don't give up on what you want. However God chooses to work through fertility implants or adoption, your children will call you mummy and love you as you have loved them long before they came. kisses and hugs

    ReplyDelete
  16. Myne you are a strong woman and I admire your courage...I do not mind where you document your story, I shall read it anywhere. The Lord is your strength and he shall wipe away your tears.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I think you are really brave and I commend you for sharing. I like the fact that you are honest about what you are going through and I appreciate that. A lot of us have challenges that we face every day which are hard to deal with and it can get difficult when we think we are in an exclusive club. Personally, when I meet or read about people that face the same challenges I face, it helps me not to wallow in self pity, and I learn from their own experiences. I know your decision to share will help a lot of people - single and married. Maybe we may not experience infertility but your story will help us understand the situation and help us relate better with people we know that are in a similar situation.

    Finally, do not give up. It ain't over till it's over. I wish you the best.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Behind you all the way. Looking forward to your blog posts on this.

    ReplyDelete
  19. hmm i understand what you mean cos Temi n I went through this face but today i have a beautiful daughter. i know it will come n when it does it will be magnificent. thank God for you and Atala. sending you an email now.
    www.secretlilies.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  20. I don't think i've ever commented before and i read your blog religiously. but I thought this would be a good time
    1) you are so brave!
    2) I would like to read your experiences here on this blog
    3)I am raying with and for you.
    4) So glad you are considering adoption, I hope you will discuss that a bit too when you are comfortable

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just wanted to add that there is so much power in sharing your story and opening yourself up to vulnerability. So much strength. You will touch many.
      God bless you

      Delete
  21. Myne,

    I don't know the words to use to tell you how courageous you are. First of all, I am sorry that you and Atala are going through this, but I am not at all doubtful that it is only a phase. I know it's easier for me to say because I am not in your shoes.

    There have been many, many people who have and are still going through it. It's just another phase, albeit a painful one. There is something I've been praying to God for, and it literally took 12 years for it to come. I'll blog about it some day - maybe. But everyday felt like the last day I could take it.

    And I remember my Pastor once saying that when you put two pots on the stove at the same time - one with rice and one with beans - that the one with rice will get done first, though it started cooking at the same time as the beans.

    Myne, your beans isn't done yet. When your beans is done, the baby will come. You are blessed to be living in America in 2012. There are many roads that lead to conception and parenthood.

    I pray God stands by you during this time. I pray He gives you and Atala the strength you need. I pray He gives you a reason to smile and laugh and love everyday. I pray that everyday strengthens your love and bond with Atala. This, too, shall pass, Myne. And when it does pass, you and Atala will be better and stronger, and you will look back on these days and laugh in wonder.

    You're in my prayers, Myne. There is nothing - ABSOLUTELY NOTHING - that is too big for God to do. In the meantime, enjoy the process, i.e the sex. Try different positions and locations. Have fun! Enjoy it while it lasts because when the babies come, there might not be enough time for sex.

    Cheers *hug*

    P.S. So sorry for the long comment and any errors. Too tired to edit.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Myne I think you are brave and awesome for doing this and I also respect men like Atala who stand by their spouses (and don't put blames) in times like this. I'm just glad you're staying true to yourself and not letting what people will think define what you do.

    As for where to write the posts, I think it should be on this blog cos a lot of people are used to coming here. You can probably just have another tab dedicated to the posts on here. I really hope you're both filled with strength through this journey and that in the end there will be joy for you both (whether biological or adoption) and I hope as you share, we readers also give you the strength to go through the journey.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I rarely comment here but I just have to tonight.

    I commend your courage. Very brave of you. And I pray the best for your family. God will work all things out for your good. I think you should blog about it wherever you prefer. Just do you.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Ma, I admire your courage to indeed come out on this very private issue. I am one for giving all I can to help others and sincerely, your move strikes a cord, ma.

    On the question, I'd like to suggest two things; If you keep it on this blog, do create a tab on top or somewhere on the side where interested readers can read everything (the entire collection of posts tagged in that category from time to time) related to it. The idea of another blog solely dedicated to it might also be good considering search engines - it'd be more easy for interested parties to find their ways on there whereas other popular themes on this one might not allow that to pop up easily. I hope I make sense... If you want me to expatiate ma, let me know and I'd inbox you.

    God bless your heart... and please don't put the whole of your faith on medical verdicts.

    - LDP

    ReplyDelete
  25. I knew...I've always known.

    You're very courageous and brave to blog about your experience(s).

    I would love to read about your experiences here, I don't think you need to another blog.

    Sis, if you want to go all out and talk about this, you would need to brace up as some hurtful comments will come into the picture. We all know how blogger is.

    I don't like the way you refer to yourself as an infertile in this post. Being a mother-in-waiting and an infertile are two different things. I'm all for facing reality but i'm also one who believes in the power of the tongue and word. I would appreciate if you don't label yourself as an infertile anymore and i'm sure God would appreciate it too. He patiently made each strand of hair on your head, each pore on your skin and he has not labelled you that so why give yourself a tag that is not yours? The fact that you are going through this process still doesn't mean you should label yourself "infertile"

    Its a process, everything and i repeat everything in life has an end...what goes up surely must come down. You would have kids both biological and other means. Read what i said o, i said BOTH natural and in any other way.

    Until then, keep making yourself and Atala "happy" in a way only married couples should *wink* mmmuah!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i second that REPLY....XXXX

      SO much encouragement its AMAZING.

      Well done Myne. wow. like her I suspected but waved it off. I am excited because there is a TESTIMONY that awaits you. Pls do share and encourage us all. WOW. thank you again for taking us on this journey.xxxx

      Delete
    2. I co-sign with Beautiful..Yes this is the reality for now but our reality isnt God's reality..Please keep holding on and trusting in God, if there is one thing I know about Him is that He is faithful till the end...

      Yes please blog about it here..Thanks for sharing ..You are a mother in waiting

      Delete
  26. Wow thats really brave of you to admit to your readers. Please blog the experience on here.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Thank you for feeling us family enough to let us know your struggles . I think you should blog about it here.... It is such a huge topic that affects so many women and as an intellectual one, I look forward to your posts. E-holding your hand as you take this step with us. Remember in the end, it will all be ok.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Myne, it's like Vera read my mind and then wrote most of my thoughts down as her own comment (lol)...what more can I say? "Trust in the Lord with all your heart - in all your ways, acknowledge Him - and He'll direct your PATH"...As a mother-in-waiting myself, I wish you God's best - which will come IN HIS OWN TIME. Stay lifted sister.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Oh Myne dearest,you have inspired a lot of us greatly and you will continue to inspire us with your blog.I blog about maternal health, I would love to hear your story, to have your words in my heart and share your strength and to walk with you...all the way even after you have your baby in your arms....I strongly believe that. I won't judge you but rather I'll pray for you!.http://jaynewhyte.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  30. i salute your courage to come out on this and i know that you would inspire loots of women via this topic as you have many times in the past.

    You are in my prayers and i know God would grant you your heart desires and strength and grace in all your decision making.

    P.S adoption sounds like a great plan

    ReplyDelete
  31. You get an A++ from me for your courage and selflessness. Kindly use this blog instead of starting another. Also, please help shed more light on the biological causes of infertility with emphasis on multiple abortions not being the main cause. I often marvel at the level of ignorance displayed by "educated" folks on the causes of infertility.

    In addition, I strongly agree with you that God is on your case and you will never run out of the strength he has given you to get through this in Jesus name

    ReplyDelete
  32. Myne your courage is unbelievable. Millions of Nigerian women are going through this and because of our tradition its a taboo to talk about it as like you said its always a woman's fault she cant bear children.
    I personally know six ladies who are going through this. And if this can become something we can talk about openly a lot of ignorant people will be educated and life will be a little more bearable for these women.

    P.S.
    I am very sure i love you now...hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  33. It is considered a taboo and ill manners to talk about infertility in many quarters in Africa. It is only whispered and gossiped about.
    You have given a lot of women courage and hope with this.

    ReplyDelete
  34. morning love. your honesty is captivating, i have always been a advocate for being honest to thy self...miraculously, it solves of your problem because that way you find better solution as you are free to explore. it will be good you blog about this as truth be told, a lot of women dont even know they are infertile until they get married. this would help as awareness to get started on any medicals and things that need to be done more quickly than too late. it will also help women suffering the same know they are not alone.

    ReplyDelete
  35. you are brave and strong to do this. please blog about it here, i'm sure a lot of people will learn from it

    ReplyDelete
  36. i must commend your bravery. the problem with most people is that they keep silent and be dieing inside gradually.this is a hot topic. kudos to you

    ReplyDelete
  37. Dear Myne, i salute your courage and more than ever before, my respect for you has tripled. I want you to know that there is absolutely nothing impossible for God to do. Your babies are coming sooner than you think.

    You are in my prayers!

    ReplyDelete
  38. It is well, everything shall work out for your good dear!
    Go ahead, we are here to share in your joy and pain. Keep God in your heart and remain positive.
    http://trendysturvs.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  39. Hello Myne,
    I think it's a fantastic idea that you want to write about your journey, my husband and I have been on this road for little over a year now. It always helps to share your experiences, there will be people who don't get it, but you will inspire a lot of people. I'm sending you baby dust and will be rooting for you all the way

    ReplyDelete
  40. Thank you so much for wanting to share your struggles with us.
    I think you should blog about it here but on a separate tab where interested readers can follow so it is still part of your writings but also has its own sequence.
    Your action is really an inspiration to me.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you and Atala.

    ReplyDelete
  41. hello Myne, i wanted to say , that there is nothing to be ashamed of, and you are brave to share this here,and i believe that God is not through with you joor!

    ReplyDelete
  42. Hmmmm,I do not know what to say.I watched Guilianna and Bill the whole of yesterday and i kept crying throughout because i have felt like part of their "struggle" from the very beginning.

    I have being reading a lot about gestational surrogates since G&B took that option and it's not half as bad...My prayers are with you.....*e-hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  43. Hello Myne. Well done for having the courage to share your journey to motherhood with your blog readers. I see it simply as part of a journey - the fact that it takes longer does not mean you won't arrive at your destination. Please don't classify yourself as "infertile". You've been created by an awesome God who does not make mistakes. You are a creative person and you will continue to make contributions to the world around you.

    I waited for five years after marriage before I got pregnant, so I understand the pressure from family and friends. But I realised that there are some things that are simply beyond my control, so there was no need to put myself under a cloud of doom. Hubby and I devised some very clever answers whenever we were asked by well-meaning people why we didn't have children yet. And that managed to shut them up.

    Please be encouraged because I also have many friends who were told they couldn't have children naturally, but today their story has changed. Nothing is impossible when you have faith. I pray that as you share your experience, other people will be encouraged too, and one day you'll share your testimony too.

    This should only serve to bring you and your husband together. It may sound silly, but I urge you guys to use this time (before children) to enjoy the benefits. Travel widely, explore the world, take risks, spread your wings, strengthen your marriage, and enjoy the sex! Don't let sex become a chore or something just to "make the child happen". Pray for one another and don't let outsiders or medical comments affect you negatively.

    Whatever happens, know that God's love for you can never diminish. Bask in it. It is well.

    ReplyDelete
  44. I'm sure this is a very vulnerable side of you... I see your coming 'out of the closet' as a true strength of character and I salute you.

    I've always seen you as an apostle of some sorts (a woman not afraid to chart new paths and also redefine obsolete ones). This step of yours reinforces this belief of mine. This is your life path - Go for gold! I'm routing for you.

    ReplyDelete
  45. I felt like loving you and your husband when I read about this. You are so courageous! However, you sounded like you've accepted this as your lot in life. But please pardon me, I beg to disagree. I belong to the school of thought like believes in the power of God to change to anything. I know you believe in God. I want to let you know that this situation is not beyond Him. He's powerful enough to fix this. Please TRUST Him.

    ReplyDelete
  46. MYNE,I KNOW IM LATE,I HOPE YOU SEE THIS. NO MATTER WHO OR WHAT YOU ARE,INFERTILITY DOSN'T DEFINE THE WONDERFUL PERSON YOU ARE AND WILL ALWAYS BE.
    GOD KNOWS,I LOVE YOU NOW MORE THAN BEFORE.
    MY PRAYERS ARE FOR YOU AND ATALA. *KISSES*

    ReplyDelete
  47. Myne, anyi kwu gi n'azu. I believe that God will give you a soul to take care of FOR HIM either biologically or otherwise. In the end, that's what we're doing o.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Dear Myne,

    How courageous of you to embark on this heroic journey! You're definitely one noble woman. And i'm proud of you. Waiting on God for a child can be ineffably overwhelming. Blogging about it might be therapeutic for you, and your readers might draw some inspiration from your experience.

    Please, please tell us your stor(y)ies. I am certain that we will be deeply touched. We shall learn to imbibe the virtues of patience and compassion especially towards couples who are battling the aforementioned issue. There are no limits to how much your readers can learn.

    Thank you for choosing to come out.

    Best wishes.

    ReplyDelete
  49. I must confess I had to re-read this post to know it was your story. You know you writers and 'make-believe' :). And honestly, I have Cousins who are experiencing this and some who got through the phase after years of waiting... Please share with us, though am still single and very OPEN to learn. God bless your heart Myne :)

    ReplyDelete
  50. Myne banish the word infertile from your mouth my sister had infertility issues too due to a medical condition thank God she had a loving and supportive family and husband. As they were preparing to adopt they were still in the research stage on how to go about it she fell ill went to the hospital and lo and behold she was pregnant that was five years ago she now has 2 biological children and over 20 non-biological ones her and her husband support these orphans financially and otherwise it is their way of giving gratitude through their non-profit foundation for orphans and abandoned babies to God for what he has done in their lives.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Thanks for sharing this with us, Myne. You can be sure that most (if not all) of us, will be supporting and praying for you and Atala. And know that your story and your miracle at the end (because you will have children) is definitely going to inspire people and make a difference in people's lives. A million e-hugs to you.

    ReplyDelete
  52. You're very courageous and brave to blog about this. The respect I have for u has doubled Myne. Please go ahead and talk about it, you'll inspire a lot of people the way you've always done.

    You're in my prayers dear. There is absolutely nothing God can't do. Things are gonna sort themselves out. It's going to be okay in the end just don't lose hope.

    *e-hug*

    ReplyDelete
  53. Dear Myne,

    I don't know what to say! I've been sitting here trying to compose my thoughts. Please don't use that word 'infertile.' The Nigerian connotation of that word makes it one to avoid. You are a great person irrespective of your ability to conceive or not. Like you said, there is a lot of ignorance in our communities about the problems people face when trying to have children. And I applaud your willingness to share what is a difficult life experience with your readers and raise awareness along the way.

    I look forward to reading your posts and agree with other readers - the posts should be here with a tab on the top. Greetings to Atala. I've always thought you were a lovely couple. Nothing has changed that:)

    PS: Pay attention to the last bit of Vera's comment. That gal sef!;)

    ReplyDelete
  54. Please don't call yourself an "Infertile". It's too strong, too negative. I wish you the best and believe that the desires of your heart will be granted speedily IJMN, Amen :)

    ReplyDelete
  55. Oh dear Myne...all the best to you and your husband. Keep the faith alive because miracles do happen. Say what you want to see not what currently is, after-all, Abraham in the Bible was called "Father of many nations" even when he and Sarah were childless. Stay strong and Godbless you and Atala. *E-Hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  56. Grhhhhhhh my long comment just disappeared! grhhh

    anyway back to the issue at hand

    I am so sad to read about this.

    HOWEVER

    Believe God's report for your life and not the doctors. You are not infertile... This is just a phase.

    A friend said to me today, funny enough about her own fertility issues and finally getting pregnant - Don't let your reality question the might and power of God almigthy". HE is the ALMIGTHY and will make all things beautiful in its time.

    Seeing as you are a person of influence, I am certain that your story up to when you have your babies will be a source of encouragement to other women in similar shoes.

    You and Atala are in my thoughts and prayers. HUGS

    ReplyDelete
  57. Myne! U r not infertile in Jesus mighty name! He makes all things perfect in His time.... God is still at work! We shall believe His report only. Continue to be strong! It is well with you. Olapeju

    ReplyDelete
  58. Hi Myne,

    Don't normally comment here. Just want to let you know you have support from me as well. I also agree with other commenters, that you don't have to accept the report of doctors. He is the God of all flesh, is there anything to difficult for Him? Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  59. This is your blog and the decision to share your journey is your to make. I can assure you that we are not in this alone...like you pointed out "one in four ever-married women of reproductive age in most developing countries are infertile because of primary or secondary infertility".

    There is nothing impossible with God,
    he's the creator, he has enough human spare parts to replace any defective or missing body part
    he's a miracle worker, that's why he declared that we are for signs and wonders

    He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD.(Psalm 113:9)

    ReplyDelete
  60. ok.i'm l8 2 d party bt wt d heck. Caveat-na my opinion b ds,pls it shd not offend u.if it does,please ignore & press delete. 1.let me start by saluting ur courage 2 share an intim8 part of ur lyf wt us..This too,shall pass. 2.on a lighter note,i think ds is a license 2 hv raunchy sex as una want am. 3.i'm seriously lookin forward 2 ur babys' naming ceremony and hw u wd accomodate d crowd dat wd show up by virtue of ds post.u myt hv 2 rent a stadium. 4.nne mehn,wt all d igbo solidarity responses here,r u d female ojukwu we hv been w8n 4?na joke i dey o! Sss take note!

    ReplyDelete
  61. Myne, you've inspired me yet again. My respect for you has notched up several degrees (& it was way high up there even before now) so please, share here. I feel lucky to be part of this journey and I would read it anywhere you're willing to share it

    ReplyDelete
  62. Just pour it out and you'll be amazed at how many people you'll be helping the process. It will be a healing process to you too. This one too shall pass sa.

    ReplyDelete
  63. You are an amazing woman! Your joy shall be full! Your household shall rejoice! Your husband shall call you blessed. Blessed are you among all women! You are a light to generations! You shall rejoice over your children!

    ReplyDelete
  64. Takes plenty guts to do this... Can only wish you and Atala the very best as you blog the journey...

    ReplyDelete
  65. I'm still dumbfounded, don't know what to say. This is my second/third time reading this and the comments and I believe they've said it all.

    Guess what? God's still writing your story and the characters needed to make it whole are still in the making. So praise your way through that new maternity gown! Know this also: the courage your have displayed by "coming out" is a rarity among Nigerian women. I duff my hat to you, Myne :)

    ReplyDelete
  66. So so courageous of you. I can never do this. Since you have decided to do it, brace up for whatever the consequence might be, cos as you know, people can be mean, especially on the internet.

    God is your strength.

    ReplyDelete
  67. I saw the title of the post, read the first few lines and was literally biting my nail. Myne I do NOT bite my nails. I love my nails. This is just so... I don't know... BOLD. Seeing that you are not anonymous. I commend your courage and I won't lie I'm scared! I don't want people to look at you as "that person" but honestly, there's no going back. The first step (telling us about it at all) is the hardest and you've already done that so really there's no going back. I/we would rejoice with you at the end Myne. We will. The more intense the story, the more intense the glory. Please keep a balanced blog. Tell us about life but please don't take the romance away. It is well with you and Atala in Jesus name. Amen.

    ReplyDelete
  68. Myne...everything is going to work out for your good. You just watch and see...all is well that ends well

    ReplyDelete
  69. I commend your courage and I am sure you will comfort someone somewhere.
    Discuss with hubby and do what suits you. It's your blog and it's your voice. Use as you see fit.

    For practical reasons, I would suggest a separate page/ section to discuss this issue. Do remember that we (Africans/ Nigerians) still have a long way to go when it comes to discussing issues like this so dont expect everyone to be as open as you are. Just do what is best for you and your immediate family
    I wish you the best of everything
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  70. Myne (and Atala), you are totally awesome and brave for sharing this part of your life. This might sound dramatic but reading you gives me a lot of hope when i think about the garbage that surrounds women and marriage in the Nigerian cultural context. You bring such a fresh perspective in general and i've always found you not afraid to stand out or be different. So i commend you choosing not to be defined by peoples' negativity. I know that what you will share will inspire others and shed light on a difficult topic that nobody really talks about.

    Personally, i would love to have your perspective on what you have found to be helpful or unhelpful responses from friends and loved ones when they realised what you guys are going through. Sometimes, we hurt people more with our responses even though we are well intentioned.

    I like the suggestions of a different page or different tab for this. Keeping comments closed on the posts about infertility or having ground rules for commenting might help if things get too heated or negative.

    More grace to you and Atala!

    ReplyDelete
  71. You are an amazing lady, myne. i want you to. know that this community is praying for you. ALSO we will be right here still when you annuonce your set of twins. it is well, darlyn myne

    ReplyDelete
  72. Hello Myne,
    Just want to thank you for your courage and honesty. I for one can't wait to learn a fair bit about courage, patience and perseverance. Although I'm not married yet but there is a 55% chance I might be infertile, my husband-to-be is aware and okay with it. He says he'll take the 0% success rate and an option of adoption (Just happy to be called my husband forever).
    Just have a separate tab option for people like myself who are keen to be inspired by your story.

    Alwaz_Fab

    ReplyDelete
  73. I logged onto your blog, saw the poll and voted yes. I was wondering if i could send you a reason for why I did, but here we have this very opportunity. I voted yes, because the very essence of your blog is romance meets life, and if infertility isn't a life experience i don't know what is. I appreciate you coming out so to speak...more so because you don't owe it to us, and to me it is an act of bravery and inspiring to me already. Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  74. Myne. this comment cannot express how i really feel. but i want you to know that you are very brave and courageous for coming out of the closet about this. Trust me you are making a mark already especially in the Nigerian community. Do whatever you want (with posting and where you want) but always seek a second opinion before publishing the experience you want to share. Be strong.

    ReplyDelete
  75. This is very courageous. I'm happy that you would love to share this with us, and encourage people that don't like to talk about their struggles. Its inspiring.

    ReplyDelete
  76. Your courage is inspiring and I would definitely love to read and share, so people can be encouraged. God bless you

    ReplyDelete
  77. I have never commented here, but I have read your blog for a couple of years. In the same position as you once upon a time, but through ivf/icsi i have a set of quads...yes,there is stigma attached to being unable to have a child, but sometimes we should just let God do his will. The kids are here now and the grandparents are all happy. At what cost?? I nearly died carrying quads in a 5.1'' frame, the kids came and while i love them to death, my marriage has collapsed from the pressure of raising quad kids from being alone as partners for the past 7+ yrs.
    I would say, do not force God's hand, enjoy your marriage, this time alone adds strength to its fabric. Do not give up on trying for a kid by whatever means available to you, but at the end, let it be God's will for you so it comes with favor.
    Ps: I love the sincere tone in your writing.

    ReplyDelete
  78. You said it yourself, this blog is about your life and this is a big part of your life so, please, don't be afraid to share this on here. You already have a large supportive following who won't judge you (at least I don't think they will) and who might benefit from your experience. Starting a separate blog will require extra time and energy on your part and will also require a new following. If people don't want to read what you have to say about this, they can wait for a different post :)

    And finally, big hugs! May God give you the strength and courage to carry on. Whatever the outcome, know that you are loved and blessed.

    ReplyDelete
  79. Wow. I admire your courage, and I pray you and your husband find all the strength and support you need. God bless you both.

    Please blog about your experiences here, not on another blog. I say here because, well, people know this blog and are comfortable here. I dunno, I can't really see a reason I'd want it anywhere else.

    ReplyDelete
  80. My lOVE.. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, I think you should share your journey with your reader; you can only help people who are in similar situation and maybe educate our Nigerian brothers and sisters on causes/mental effect/ options. I will keep you and hubby in my prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  81. You are very a inspirational/courageous woman, you may not know the impact you have in the lives of people, but in your own little way, your words reach out to alot of people, I've learnt alot from your blog. One of my favorite statements has always been, "what happens to a dream deferred?". As someone said, you are not infertile, you are a mother-in-waiting. You and Atala rock! You'll carry your own biological child in due time.

    ReplyDelete
  82. I truly wanted to read all 94 comments but I could not. I am however certain that most of them said what I am about to say. Maybe not in the same way but meaning the same thing. Myne, I love you but not as much as God loves you. My bible tells me that God says that NONE shall be barren and that includes you. Whichever way he decrees it, you will be a mom. Period. I am standing with you.

    ReplyDelete
  83. Myne, you are an exceptional person. I am so sorry you and Atala are having to go through this but be encouraged. its either you win or you win.
    Please do what is best for both of you. whatever you decide, be assured that you've got Jesus and many others in your corner, rooting for you. We are so winning this... You go girl!!!

    ReplyDelete
  84. Wow, I appreciate hour bravery and honesty on this issue. I would love to read more here on the blog. Thank you so much for sharing. I am rooting for you and your hubby!

    ReplyDelete
  85. (Hugs) I just recently started a TTC blog also. I am very aware that this issue is a very sensitive one esp amongst Nigerians. I commend you for coming out and being honest about it especially as you're so well known. Pls don't refer to yourself as infertile. I believe that nothing is impossible. You come across as a strong and determined woman and know you'll pass through this. All the best.

    ReplyDelete
  86. Just gonna say this.. "joy comes in the morning" .. Would love to read about ur trials on this blog... Soon, ur success story will follow on here too. AMEN!! Il keep you in my prayers

    ReplyDelete
  87. Would love to read more. I'm sure we shall be hearing the cries of baby Mynetala soon.

    ReplyDelete
  88. Warm big e-hugs.
    The Word says there shall be none barren in the land.
    God be with you and Atala.

    DrLily.

    ReplyDelete
  89. Blessings....
    I am sorry for your infertility trials. There are many ways to motherhood. There are children so desperate to be loved and cared for and while tradition and culture may force upon the notion of giving birth as the only way to parenting is absolutely way way off.

    You have much love to give and some lucky child/children will be infinitely blessed to have you as their mother and guide.

    ReplyDelete
  90. It is quite refreshing for a african to be able to come out with this... please myne, there is nothing and absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.....thank you for sharing.. and this is your blog and our blog ;) and you are more than welcome to blog about here. Anyone who has an issue with it can come back to the blog when you blog about something else. Our blogs were started mostly to document things about our lives, so should it be different with this.

    I pray you get all the support you guys need through this and adoption is also a good choice, even couples with children adopt as well, I know of someone who tool about 18 years or so to have her first child, after which she adopted the second. I also believe as a christian, it is not your portion to be infertile... and i shall keep you in my prayers because I strongly believe, one day, you too will hear the cry of your child!!! Love you!!!!!! *big warm hug!xxx Angel

    ReplyDelete
  91. Myne, you will always be an inspiration to women and families. Don't you think you do not have children. You have many in the literary world. And even my Erika is a daughter of your romance writings.

    ReplyDelete
  92. Myne,

    I know it wll be well. Just hang in there. The best things in life do take time to come. For everything, there is a purpose. Believe me, it will happen when you don't expect it. I hope to read more about your life. You inspire me everyday with what you do. From Ify, Global Health Africa

    ReplyDelete
  93. You are simply amazing Myne. God bless you and Atala infinitely.

    ReplyDelete
  94. Myne, sorry I'm just commenting. I was away having exams. Anyways, to be honest, I don't know what to say...I'm really touched that you could open up about such a sensitive issue... your story is going to definitely be a succour to a lot of couples out there. My sincere prayer is that God will comfort you with double of the comfort that you are bringing to others out there. May He surprise you with a lovely child soon in Jesus' name. Take care. Love and hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  95. Don't know if you're still taking opinions on this, but I for one would be glad to see more. If you start another blog, I'll go there too!

    ReplyDelete
  96. We love you Myne! But God loves you even more. Great strength you've shown here and I'm positive that something greater is ahead.

    ReplyDelete
  97. Wow! Too much respect for you. I have always admired your wonderful personality and down-to-earthedness but I think this has taken it to a whole new level.
    You are a remarkable woman indeed, to be willing to take up this challenge, especially because of the lives I am certain it will bless. Thank you very much MW for choosing to make what must be a difficult situation into a blessing that many people will benefit from.
    And like many people have already prayed/said, I look forward to your naming ceremony. I guess you will be fighting away guests (me, no 1!)
    God bless you richly and I look forward to what He is about to do in your life and through you xxxxx

    ReplyDelete

Click Post a Comment to share your thoughts, I'll love to hear from you. Thanks!

*Comments on old posts are moderated and may take sometime to be shown. That's just because I want to see them and respond to you if necessary.