Wednesday, October 24, 2012

A Good Man Who Can Find? by Tofa Ige

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I know a lot of people will ask, who is a good man? What defines good? What does a man have to provide to be termed good? Does he have to be stinking rich to fit that tag? Should he be a father figure, an encourager….or perhaps a protector? I perceive that many will even turn up their noses and scoff that there is no good man on planet earth.

A guy who cheats on his girl might regard himself as a good guy because he spends money on her. On the other hand, a guy who is stingy, temperamental and insensitive could score himself as a good guy because he doesn’t cheat on his woman.

Essentially, labeling a thing as good usually opens room for wide debate. What is good for one woman may be bad for another. But we will all agree that there are ‘universal’ expectations as to how a responsible guy (bachelor) should comport himself to befit the status of a good man.

A good man must be responsible enough to realize that he is a man. He is a provider. He has been automatically cast by nature to take the lead role. By virtue of his perceived strength, he is a role model He should be focused, intelligent and fore-sighted. He must have concrete plans for his future viz self, family and career development.

A good man should be humble and ready to sacrifice. A relationship is like building a house. You have to cast aside bad and weak bricks, and use good strong ones for construction. Sometimes, you have to tear a part of the building down to get a better structure. You also have to bear the pain of hurting yourself while building. You will also agree with me that two people might spend the same amount of money on a building but the result will vary.

A good man must be ready to prune off the bad sides of his partner. Plaster her with wisdom and corrections, and then paint her with love and understanding to produce a beautiful and durable structure that would be the envy of all.

A good man should live with the understanding that he is a ‘vision builder and helper.’ His woman looks to him for advice, support and direction and he should be ever ready to provide it for her. Perhaps there wouldn’t be a Tara House of Fashion today if there was no Fela Durotoye  as a pillar of support for her. A good man needs to believe firmly in the vision of his girl, and should be a source of inspiration to her.

A good man knows his woman: her inadequacies, strong areas, likes, dislikes, fears, temperament…..virtually everything about her.  A good man should be a rock for his girl. A shield. Her refuge and safe haven.

He should be the one to caution her about her pettiness. Advice her, as a man, on how to behave properly in public, with friends, family etc.

Truly ,no woman is an angel. Women have their faults, but a man has to overlook his girl’s shortcomings sometimes and focus on her strengths. No woman is perfect, so there will be lots of things that she’s not dong right.

If she is not as courteous as you would want her to be, you should take the lead and subtly teach her about the essence of etiquette. Envelope her with love and care while shaping her into a lady of class and status.

If a woman has some negative or irritable habits like procrastination, lackadaisical attitude or lying, the good man should act like a father and nurture her into a better person. He should see beyond her physical beauty and seek out the beauty of her soul.

A good man should be forgiving. He must regard every mistake of his girl as bricks that will build a strong relationship foundation.

A good man should be ready to be a good father. A shaper of upcoming generations, for men have the solemn responsibility of being the head of the family.

A good man is a diligent male. The pride of his woman. And the glory of his family.

A good man is an asset any woman would die to have. Brothers, the mantle has been thrown to you. You cannot give what you do not have. Equip yourself and work towards being the best that you can be. No woman wants to be hooked to a loser and failure.


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  1. Oh I couldn't wait to read the last letter, seems I have found what I'm looking for ,all I need in a man!
    Myne I have been following/reading ur writeups for a while now and I practically believe or agree with almost everything you, this is the deal if you know anybody with all these potentials email me at,I can't but agree with you on this too!
    Well said,God bless you more and more, have a great day ahead, e-hugs!!!

  2. This is good. Yep a good man should be responsible extremely. I know if we have good men in Niger delta we wouldn't have had the issue of militancy. Cos they would have had good fathers by their sides who had instilled good

  3. and she who finds this kind of man finds a good thing and obtains mercy and favour from God Almighty....

  4. So should I work with this list 100%, if no what's the cut off mark? Ok I'm kidding.

  5. Great read,enjoyed every letter.well done and thanks for sharing

  6. I can see, from the comments so far, that virtually all the commentators are women (LOL). It is as though you, our dear Myne, have stirred up an hornet's nest. I am a man. And I strongly believe every point Tofa Ige has raised. On my own part, therefore, I feel as though I have attended a refresher course, as though I just finished listening to yet another Sunday sermon on "Being a Good Man". I am indeed blessed, Myne! And many thanks to you, Tofa. However, I must sound a note of warning here: be careful, though, because a lot of single women, especially the young ones, who are yet to read this amazing article (and the ones who have read it already) may continue to bask in their weird expectation of Mr. Right or Mr. Perfect, that mirage that WILL NEVER come. A lot of our single ladies, while waiting endlessly for this special man (or do I say THIS "GOOD" MAN?), have become what the Igbos refer to as "Oto N'aka Nne Ya", meaning (not literally) "a maiden who has made up her mind to wait in her mother's abode for that perfect suitor that will never ever come". Today these single women are tired of waiting, as they have suddenly realized that they are (somewhat) too old to marry, no longer the Sweet Sixteens they used to be, and this bitter realization, consequently, makes them to jump in desperation into the arms of any kind of man that comes their way, ready to give him a YES to his proposal which may, or may not, be phoney.

    1. Way to go! this is d best n most reasonable comment here. kudos!!

  7. Myne I don't completely agree with the writer because even though I accept women are not perfect, I would not try to change any with some traits like lieing and cheating because it is only if the woman decides to change that she would change. I advice people never to try to change anybody.

  8. I actually really liked this

  9. really great
    I am not finding a good man sha
    A good man is finding me!

  10. And a good woman? Would really love to read that too. Thanks :)

  11. Sounds like daddy issues to me. I always remember my mom telling me that she prayed for a husband just like my grandfather, and she's blessed up to this day. Many dating site reviews got the same remarks when it comes to looking for Mr. Right. Hopefully, he's like Mr. Siler as well.

  12. Ibifiri hi.... I am quite sure that the Niger Delta isn't the only part of Nigeria that has on going problems. Neither is Nigeria the only part of the world that has problems. The focus here is GOOD MEN...


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