Monday, September 3, 2012

How Many Boyfriends Does A Nigerian Girl Have?

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I saw this video and I didn't know whether it was made in jest or it was a serious, view-on-the-street kind of documentary. To the question in my title, the majority opinion was from at least 2 or 3 to as many as possible. Before we get our knickers in a twist, remember it is possible the makers of the video had several one-boyfriend respondents and decided to feature more of those with the less conventional 2-or-more opinion. Anyway, this post is not to condemn or support the views in the video, but to muse on some of the points raised.

1. One of the girls actually mentioned the terrible economy of Nigeria as her reason for preferring to have several boyfriends, that response did get me laughing. She said it in such a matter of fact way. Another said that she needed the money she received for the fluff - weavons, phones, etc - that allowed her to keep up with the Joneses around her. Cann we girls not do without these fluff?

2. I don't know what these girls or the makers of the video are defining as boyfriends. Do they mean boys who are friends, emotional relationships, or sexual partners. From the responses, it seems to be all of the above, not sure though. Someone mentioned that one of her boyfriends lived abroad, makes me think there may be no real sex going on, if at all. And from the way they referred snidely to some of the men, there seems to be no emotional feelings between them, more like a business transaction.

3. A few responses mentioned marriage and the fact that they hope to get married to one of the men they are dating in due course. So for them, one is the back-up plan. I was wondering at that point if they knew who the primary guy was and who the plan B was. Or are they both on equal footing? Are men really that interchangeable? Can one person love to men at the same time?

4. Several of the girls say they love one of their 'boyfriends' deeply and the others are just because of condition. I wonder what type of love that is that allows them to so easily betray the guys. A refrain that cropped up was "lies, lies, lies", as a girl described how she kept her two boyfriends as parallel lines that could never meet. That kind love tire me sha...

5. A girl explained the names she gave her three or four boyfriends as lover, expenses, dulling, study, etc. All the names are self-explanatory. The Lover was the one she really cared for; Expenses was the chequebook guy - he paid the bills; Dulling was the life of the party - he made sure she was entertained over the weekends, Study helped her with books and exams. Made me wonder, is it not possible to have all these qualities in one guy?

6. Convention says girls should be virgins till marriage, or have just one relationship that hopefully leads to marriage. In reality, such conventions are often tossed by the wayside. In a place like Nigeria, ignorance, patriarchy, and a bad economy combine to twist the perception and psyche of young girls in unimaginable ways. If I ask these girls if they believed they had the power in these relationships, or if it is a feeling of powerlessness that drives them, I wonder what answers I will get.

7. Don't we all do stupid things when we are young and restless, bold and beautiful? Most of the girls in the videos looked to be late teens and early twenties, and are sowing the polytechnic/university wild oats. At that age, I had several toasters, guys who are romantically interested in you. I dated some of them concurrently, and though none was a real boyfriend, one could argue that I was cheating. Funny enough, I never said yeah or nay to most of them, the friendships ultimately fizzle out when the guys realize they won't crack the platonic ceiling :)

So, have you seen the video? What do you think?







10 comments:

  1. Myne has a way of expanding things sha, lol, weldone sis!
    I asked the same question when I saw this video with my colleagues, are these girls referring to male friends or boyfriends as in romantic relationship, we spoke about so many things like Badoo, bb runs babes e.t.c, there is so much immorality in around. Unemployed students want to use bb porsche, expensive cloths and jewelry bla bla bla.
    I think some of us (both male and female)
    1. lack self control
    2. don't get their priorities right
    3. don't know their intrinsic value, hence we think gold, shoes, belts, bags define them
    4. All some of us want to do is live in the NOW, no regards for tomorrow

    When raising our children, we should by God's help raise them to be Godly people with the right mentality,because these days, if your child obeys your stay at home instruction, he/she is hooked to over a thousand people on the net who can likewise be an influence

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  2. Patriarchy existing and all this video caused so much brouhaha online but you broke it down well; the video/interview was conducted more in jest; though these stuffs do happen but it's a free world. To each his/her own.

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  3. The answers aren't all that surprising. If they did the male version of this, the responses would probably be similar. At least there are still a few people that like the number 1.

    Anyway, what I take away from this is the need to use good judgement in choosing who to start a relationship with; and relying on God's help for the things I cannot see, even with my discernment.

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  4. The response are real, naija babes are vexing, u need to hear all sort of advises u get from women, recently at the Hair Salon, I laughed when I heard the advice being given by the owner of the Salon to one of her customer, with all seriousness, she was telling the lady to have at least one Hanger, incase u are wondering what an Hanger is? another man incase the main one disppont you, so you should keep another man hanging. I cant be surprise if those responses are real. That is the situation right now, is worse with the men.May God help us all.

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  5. I felt sorry for the men after seeing this video... that was until Battabox released a male version yesterday titled HOW MANY GIRLFRIENDS SHOULD A NIGERIAN BOY HAVE? Ha! I don't pirry anybody anymore.

    They deserve each other

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  6. A friend calls me 'Senior Advocate of Pu**y' so naturally I support them. What's sauce for the goose should be sauce for the gander - and please nobody should preach at me. I wouldn't be able to do it myself; not because I SHOULDN'T, but because I am certain I do not have the ability/time/energy/interest.

    If you can and you want to, then go ahead. I'm not sure what the big deal is. I am certain this has been going for as long as people have been alive.

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  7. Some people have interpreted this video as merely sexual liberation among young Nigerian women and thus as a good thing. I don't agree. For me this video highlighted the patriarchy within our system that limits economic opportunities to mostly men and forces young women to be linked to men for their survival.

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  8. This video is for fun abi all these girls are serious.

    Well, their response is not far from the truth, this is what happens in our society and some mothers/married women are also guilty of this.

    Yeah the patriarchy is to blame but still where is our dignity women, why depend on a man to provide for you, why live your live waiting on the pennies dropped by a man...this is pathetic sha.

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  9. Sincerely i am considering arranging for a cloned wife. i'll select DNA samples from the best females achievers in history. Joke, jest or not, i pity 9ja's future!

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  10. As much as this might have been for fun, I'm sure we all realize this is the reality in Nigeria. I was confused for a long time cos I thought it was meant to be "how many boyfriends can a girl have before marriage" but I got the point later.

    I might be a little self-righteous (if that's the phrase), but I honestly think this is crap on every level. From the reasons most of the girls gave, it's obvious they can't really define what a boyfriend means AND they have screwed up priorities; but of course, we the observers choose to believe it's because they are late teens or in their early 20s. It's sad.

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