Monday, July 30, 2012

Why Men Cheat - Infidelity is a Necessary Evil?

Posted in: , , , , ,

In a comment on the unrepentant husband, someone wrote, "he is definitely fooling around and ladies when ur man starts to cheat it is not always because you are doing something wrong or not giving him a lot of attention. Some men just love the chase and they have no idea how much they are hurting you. It also doesnt mean they love u any less." A few people agreed with the anonymous comment.

I want to guess and say the comment is posted by a woman and maybe the supporters are women too. I wonder, does she really believe this? Does this kind of marriage work for some people? Does it make them happy, better human beings? The comment reminded me of an article that had gone round the interwebs earlier this year. Read and let's discuss...
1. Most Men cannot have sex exclusively with just one woman, for the rest of their lives.
2. Men are created with varied sexual appetite ,some men can do without sex for a year, others cannot do without sex for a week.
3. A man who's madly in love with one woman can still have sex with other women but still love his 'woman'.
4. Some of the best husbands have concubines or mistresses, these extra marital affairs play a role in keeping the man sane and free of sexual tensions, especially during mid-life crises.
5.I f your man is just having sex with some sweet sexy teen or babe, DO NOT WORRY. But, if your man starts making midnight calls and exchanging text messages with another lady at odd hours, BE VERY WORRIED.
6. Before you choose your man, ensure he believes in AIDs, STDs and protected sex. That way, chances are that he will not bring HIV and other STDs into your life.
7. Most chronic wife beaters are faithful husbands, they hardly have extramarital affairs.
8. Most 'extra' loving husbands have concubines, these concubines keep the man abreast on new ways of making women happy.
9. Your man's mistress or concubine is most times not interested in you or your home. She has already seen your pictures and those of your kids via your hubby’s phone. She and your hubby just have a sexual understanding or partnership which helps both deal with peculiar individual issues.
10. As a woman, if you go all out in a bid to catch your husband red-handed cheating, you WILL succeed. Then what next? If u listen hard to your domestic servants in their private discussions, u will certainly hear them insult you, so why listen?
11. Judge your man by his responsibilities towards you and the kids, and NOT by who he's giving 'doggie style' to him in the office.

Now, let me say that I know this is the reality for some women, and maybe the way they cope with the situation is by accepting it as the norm. In fact, some people will argue all day, supporting this write-up as true and realistic, but my question is, Who are we deceiving? How is this something to aspire to? Should we not try to do away with stuffs that are detrimental to us?

Infidelity is bad. Promiscuity, which is what this write-up is basically condoning, is reprehensible. While consensual polygamy or serial monogamy might work, a relationship where infidelity or promiscuity is taken for granted is not a desirable one. No matter how much you think you can suppress your emotional side, any kind of betrayal hurts, and especially when it is from a man/woman you have decided to partner with for the rest of your life!

A lot of women do learn to live with cheating men, but may be sad and unproductive in other ways, some will transfer their aggression to the other woman, or their colleagues and subordinates, or worse, on their children. My question is, if you find yourself in this scenario, why not face the genesis of your problems? The cheating and randy man? Do not swallow it, for it may kill you slowly emotionally if not physically.

Before I round up, I have to point to the blatant fallacy in #7 - faithful husbands are wife beaters? What utter tosh! Quote me anywhere jare. Infidelity has nothing, absolutely nothing to do with men who are violent or not. One may even argue that since vices go together, an unfaithful man is more likely to be violent, including beating up their wives and children. But let's not conflate issues.

Any man that wants to learn new sexual stuff to please his wife, and the 'woman' he still supposedly loves, should read relevant books and well made instructional videos. If possible, watch it with the same woman. I think men who are promiscuous, and who think they can only release pressure through sex with a prostitute or mistress, are disrespectful, not just of women generally, but also themselves.

The bottom-line is that there are various ways to decompress both for men and women. Hit the gym, take up golf, or football, or your favorite sport, go back to your childhood talents and passions - writing, drawing, painting, knitting, tinkering with electronics, etc.

Also do things as a couple - stay indoors and gist, have sex together regularly or as often as you can, go to the club and dance off your energy, go to plays and the movies, poetry and book readings, art showings, owambe parties and so on. Try to remember the early days or dating or courtship and recreate some of what you did. :)

Rekindle your love and don't go looking for it when it's right there in your house.

_____
PS, Google says the oldest appearance of the quoted article was  Men survive on extramarital sex written by Shode Olufemi, but Verastic also discussed it in an interesting way.







57 comments:

  1. I'll never accept a cheating man, rather to be unmarried and with no man at all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! Women who remain with men who are dogging other women all over the place most times have esteem issues. I say throw him out.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous: not so fast. You make it sound like you are untouchable. You could easily get caught-up in that type of situation.

      Seriously Uju? Self esteem issues? Hahaha that is funny.

      Delete
  2. Infidelity is now a norm,very unfortunately.I have witnessed me who got married and start seeing other women less that 3 months into the marriage.It is very sad and like i always say,we've lost the values of marriage.All these give rise to fears.It's understandable for women not to want to get married for fear of ending up with a cheating man.But having a God fearing man reduces that chance.Above all,we all just need the grace of God because even the spirit-filled men/women also cheat,some are painfully worse.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. At first i thought this was going to be a females only thing but thank Goodness we have a man in the house at this time! Its about time! Promiscuity and Adultery are BAD! You are right about spirit filled people falling into this web and this fact makes the whole thing Worse! Its high time the male folks sat up and respect themselves and their zips but then, egoistic as they are..they feel its a man's world.

      Delete
    2. Very sad indeed. It seems like people have no idea what marriage means & requires of them before getting into it.

      Delete
    3. Oligbinde: There are women out there cheating too, so that tells you it has very little to do with ego. Unless of course you believe that women are egoistic too?

      Delete
  3. It is obvious that it is only 'lay-abouts' who have nothing sapping up their energies and time that would hunger after sex all the time. What is a relationship if emotions are ruled out? It is what you feel for eachother as soul-mates who have agreed to be together that makes marriage enjoyable. It is sad that men especially, just woke up to a fallacy that 'cheating' makes them men. I say a practical no! Cheating men should try and find out what names those women having affairs with them save their names with on their phones? They call them all manner of bizzar names bcos that's what a man reduces himself to and makes rubbish of his family.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous: I’ll let you in on a little secret. Don’t tell anyone. Regular people, like you, that aren’t getting the sex they need are the ones that “hunger after sex”.

      Delete
  4. "I think men who are promiscuous, and who think they can only release pressure through sex with a prostitute or mistress, are disrespectful, not just of women generally, but also themselves." <---- I also have generally noticed and attributed that kind of behavior to MAJOR INSECURITY!! Men who are insecure about many other things use sex or someone lusting after them to validate themselves

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Here we go with the insecurity thing again. That is so incorrect. I wonder what your definition of confident is.

      Delete
    2. why are you sooo defensive brother? lol j/k ... but seriously, I find cheating very disrespectful. If I can shut down the temptations of cheating (i.e. RUN FAST.. away from it) why can't my man do same.. and I know some guys who RUN from these temptations, see, they do not have two heads, and I do not either... what is wrong is wrong, God did not intend for marriage to invlove cheating.. sex should be enjoyable, with the mind, body and soul with the person we love. the strong emotions make it more enjoyable (in that you want to please your partner in all ways) .. if cheating doesn't cause someone to lose peace then I dunno.. where's the conscience?

      Delete
  5. Perhaps it's because the men involved put the lady on a pedestal? When men say they have a kind of girl they would bed ("freaky"), but a different type they would take home to mama, then get bored because they rather prefer the freaky sex...

    I wouldn't know, but that's very logical, and the men in question caused the problem in the first place.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whose fault? They caused it so they have to take responsibility for their boredom.

      Delete
    2. @Azuka. So it boils down to this: know what you are getting yourself into before you get married. In this example you gave, I concur that the man will be at fault if he marries someone he is bound to get bored with. Women make similar mistakes too.

      Delete
    3. you know some men/women teach their "good girls/men" how to be freaky.. you want a good feeling sandwich? make one... hehe

      Delete
  6. whoever wrote those 11 points needs to get their head checked. Secondly i wish ALL Sierra Leoneans would read this article promiscuity is on another level there for both men and women and the sad fact is that it is considered normal to have multiple partners no one even cares...even the most christian choir boy next door has several official girlfriends who may even know each other sometimes...my very much married local pastor had several girlfriends we all knew but no one not even the church council reprimanded him it's that bad and they do not necessarily take HIV very seriously as well...it's quite normal to hear a girl say of her boyfriend "i know he loves so and so too but i love him as well" like seriously??? Girls have different boyfriends home and abroad to cater for their needs when abroad boyfriend comes home all the local ones are given a vacation till he goes back to whatever western country he came from...my heart bleeds for this nation...

    ReplyDelete
  7. Whoever wrote that comment was just saying the simple truth though some women find it hard to swallow.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Good one Ms Myne..... I think Men cheat because there are lots of loose women in the world. I know I will be attacked for that statement but that is strictly my viewpoint. There are lots of women who are willing and ready to be the side chick, they feel the guy is cheating with them because they are better than the main chick. I am of the school of thought that if there are more decent women in the world who are not willing to compromise and be the side chick, there will be no cheating men.
    Another observation I have is with the normalization of men cheating, it is almost okay for a man to cheat to cheat but it remains a big taboo for women to do the same. I think it is equally as easy for a woman as it is for a man to cheat; there is just a bigger stigma attached for women plus women are more sensible when it comes to emotions.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are right about people being attacked by your statement(and i do respect your 'strict' point of view too;i mean everyone has a right to their opinion right?) but excuse me?..Men cheat because there are loose women all over?..i think men cheat because they are irreponsible(at each point they cheat;not forgetting the honest ones who loose contol and their responsibility for ONCE). Same for women,they cheat simply because of their irresponsibility. I don't believe one has anything to do with the other! As a matter of fact,if we have 90 percent of decent women,it won't lessen that nature in men! The key word for both man and woman is self control,dignity of human person and self preservation! Hold your body in a dignified manner and you won't cheat! Simple!

      Delete
    2. 9jaFOODie: “Loose women” don’t drive men to cheat. An ignored need is what does. Make all women decent on this planet and a man will still cheat if he is unfulfilled in his relationship.

      Delete
    3. Anyone that agrees to cheat with married person or another's lover or bf is loose,she doesnt mean prostitution,I get 9jafoodie and I go with her

      Delete
    4. GBAM! 9ja FOODie you are right! it is simply the law of supply and demand. Your school fees was well spent! *grin*

      Delete
  9. stay indoors and gist, have sex together regularly or as often as you can, go to the club and dance off your energy, go to plays and the movies, poetry and book readings, art showings, owambe parties - thank you for the tips to couples. Check out the story going round now about Dayo.

    ReplyDelete
  10. my sex drive is very high, if my man can satisfy me well,then let see how much energy is has left for extra activities.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You go girl!! You are talking about your high sex drive and him satisfying you. The most important thing you missed (as most women that get cheated on do) is his satisfaction or lack thereof. I’m smiling as I type this. The energy always comes.

      Delete
  11. Serial cheating can't be acceptable and must be hard for a wife to accept. I don't know that a relationship can stay healthy for long in such a situation. I believe men cheat because they refuse to think about what they're doing when it matters. They know the damage/heartache/pain that can come from going outside their marriage, but can't or won't resist a few minutes of pleasure.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I agree with you that men that cheat are plain disrespectful.

    ReplyDelete
  13. For whatever its worth,men who cheat on their other half out of the need to validate their manhood,fill some inadequacies,massage a waning ego,the allure of the chase etc,don't jst get the picture.
    If they could devote half the chance spent on that reprehensible chase to some family time,they'd reap far greater reward. And this is not counting the resource that goes into such sexcapades.
    Women are not also exempted from drivingsome of these men to such lows. But I digress.
    A man's primary responsibility is to his family & no other.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. “A man’s primary responsibility is to his family and no other.” Sweet! We are getting somewhere.
      What is the woman’s primary responsibility?

      Delete
  14. Men cheat because they can
    A lot of Nigerian women turn a blind eye and a lot of Nigerian men cheat because they think it is the norm.
    A lot of Nigerian women come out with brave talking saying 'I cant take it' 'I will leave him if he cheats' etc etc
    However, the reality is that I have seen most take back their cheating partners.
    Even more so when they are based in Nigeria

    ReplyDelete
  15. I think its MikeyMike that said, "“Loose women” don’t drive men to cheat. An ignored need is what does." Somehow, I'd agree with this. The Yorubas in their wisdom do say, "it is the food you leave unattended that a goat will carry", the one you keep judiciously, hardly can any goat carry it. However, there are some stubborn goats... that takes the grace of God to deal with. I'd like an article on why do women cheat because there are countless stories of women cheating too. It'd be nice to hear the same people on this thread share their opinions.

    - LDP

    ReplyDelete
  16. for me i feel men who cheat have a problem. No doing any cheating man.
    www.secretlilies.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hi Myne,

    Before I saw the link to Shode Olufemi's article, one of my mental notes was, it's a man who wrote those 11 points. It clearly shows that someone is trying to find excuses for his promiscuous sinful nature.

    See, I always say that the foremost reason I wont cheat (whether my husband cheats or not)is because I'm answerable to God.
    If you die in the process, God would not understand o, He would not accept the excuse that you cheated because you had an absentee wife, or because you appetite is stronger, or whatever!

    There is no woman who likes her husband to cheat, however, when she tries and she does not get any result, she no go kill herself na

    ReplyDelete
  18. Myne I co-sign with you oh...As in, is he serious? Society always looking to justify foolishness..

    ReplyDelete
  19. MikeyMike, as a guy please can you state your stance regarding this matter?

    I think everyone getting into marriage MUST be mature enough to define what is acceptable to them and have gumption to stay true to themselves.

    We need to remind ourselves that we are all flawed humans, and thus we should not expect too much from each other. The one person that loves us the most can disappoint because they are human. The Only One that cannot disappoint is GOD almighty, and in him lies ALL my hope and trust.

    That being said, i am learning to love my spouse fearlessly while reminding my self that it is only the fear of GOD that prevents a man from doing EVIL. We are both christains, and we both share similar values regarding infidelity but i can control only myself and my actions not his. All i can do is pray!

    Infidelty is EVIL, It is a SIN, it defiles our bodies, It is possible to "share/acquire" demons and curses during the sexual intercourse.

    I'll continue praying that God helps us stay faithful to each other.

    ReplyDelete
  20. People who cheat, men or women are unwise, what many don't understand is the power of sex, it's not just a physical thing, when you sleep with someone, you take on all their crap, emotionally,spiritually and sometimes physically, this is why people who are serial cheats are usually messed up emotionally, which in turn causes them to mess up people around them most especially their children, I've seen too many times how cheating wives and husbands have destroyed their own lives and slow down their own progress and that of their children. it's just not worth it, if you want a simple fulfilled life, you will refrain from such things.

    Whoever wrote the post is basically saying men are animals who have no discipline or self control, I disagree, I have met many men with integrity who have stayed faithful to their wives and are thriving in all areas of their lives.

    This bible scripture is so true, I've seen it happen many times!
    Pro 6:23 But a man/woman who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does so destroys himself.

    www.bukkyapampa.com

    ReplyDelete
  21. @ Cake and Socks. I would check myself first if my wife/girlfriend cheats on me. If I cheat on her, it will be due to an ignored need. No reason for either one of us to be in denial of how our relationship is going.
    Couples know what each other need.

    I'm waiting for Bossmansays to respond to my question. That will lead us into a new direction of addressing infidelity.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I will never forget what comedian Chris Rock once said about relationships and how men find it difficult to keep it new and exciting. In short, he said that men are faced with the dilemma of recycling the -----! He himself debated whether he should cheat or develop the mindset of recycling the ---- of his wife. In the end he stayed with his wife. Up until that point I never thought about why men cheat from the male perspective.

    ReplyDelete
  23. i think men cheat because they are irreponsible(at each point they cheat;not forgetting the honest ones who loose contol and their responsibility for ONCE). Same for women,they cheat simply because of their irresponsibility. Online Cialis

    ReplyDelete
  24. lolz...nice points...@Muhammad, not all men are irresponsible...

    ReplyDelete
  25. a man will cheat if u like it or not , u think when he is about to put some steamy fantasy to rest he is thinking about how right it is or not , acceptance of a flaw and helping the dude work towards not looking at a well shaped ass will give a nice glimpse of wat goes on in a man fucked up mind , u cant stop it it been there for the better part of his life even before he met u, through it his brain is balanced , balanced enough to marry you(as special as you might be) balance enough to accept himself as a man , it is simple u can go ahead a kick him to the curb, let see if ur kids will see him in the same light , if he wont bounce back with his life.God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,The courage to change the things I can,
    And wisdom to know the difference.but unless they event a pill for infidelity , there aight no stopping him -just my thoughts


    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I feel sorry for you and your line of thinking.

      Delete
    2. Dear blogger, I just posted a comment where I replied professor prince and asked him a few questions with reference to what is written in the bible. I will like you to pick out his comment and my reply and repost it on this blog and invite him to come and reply me.

      Delete
    3. Thanks for your comments, and for keeping it non-abusive. I'm sure Prof can reply you here if need be.

      Delete
  26. I've heard all d stuff about marriage and infidelity; but I want 2 emphatically point out dat men all over d world are POLYGAMOUS in nature and they (men) deny dis just 2 appear decent or Christian. Women on d other hand also deny dis truth because d contemporary woman has been made 2 understand dat marriage is strictly between 1 man and 1 woman. This is a lie and our inability 2 accept d polygamous nature of men is d reason why promiscuity is still in d world today. As a Professor of Theology, I want 2 ask u 2 check in d Bible days, when men were free 2 have as many wives as they wanted; there were less mention of adultery. But today, men have been indoctrinated 2 believe dat marriage is between 1 man and 1 woman, but something in their body tells them, there's still need 4 another woman. Who is fooling who?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am trying so hard here not to say you are fooling yourself because I know his blog is not an abussive one but I just have to say it. As a prof of theology can you please point out to me what the bible meant when it said. "A man Shall leave his father and mother and cling to his wife" did the bible say wives and mistresses? When God took out the rib from adam did he make women out of it or just 1woman? Don't you know all those things have their significance. Who started the saying man is pologamus in nature? is it in the bible or a fellow man like you so you can have an excuse for your irresponsibility. And abt the men that married plenty wives in the bible where in the new testament did you see that they were free to do that?your comment is so provoking and annoying and I am only respecting the blogger here.

      Delete
  27. What I want to know is if he gives a damn about the shame it will cause his children when it finally comes out because he has an online account and sending out his pic, first name, occupation, and city of residence.

    ReplyDelete
  28. ***sorry this is long- rational arguments must be demonstrated- rationally.

    The age old question of why men cheat. and women trying to answer that question. let me try and answer this question for you in a way you will understand. if you have watched national geographic or been raised on a farm you will know the answer to this question. but first let me start with a question? you are at a party and a man walks in good looking clothes fitted shirt showing off his well built frame. most or all the girls will say oh nice, good looking. and the thought ends there. to sleep with him you will have to get to know him first, maybe have a chat, get to know his character over drinks or a meal. Same party and a fit girl walks in, size ten, dress showing off curves, fair skin, ample cleavage. All the men at the party on some level whether they like it or not dont stop at appreciating her beauty for beauty sake- they are all thinking of what it would be like to sleep with her. Now theres a reason for these different reactions between the sexes and its nothing anyone should be ashamed off.

    Ground rule- there are no absolutes

    For most women the act of sex is a mental state of mind. women have a complicated reproductive cycle a lot of which is controlled by the brain and your hormones. at a set period of the time you have to ovulate- release an egg-be fertile- be fertilized- conceive- give birth--or barring this your body-breaks down the egg-you menstruate- and the cycle starts over. this complex system cannot be switched on and off. it has to run its course. this is why for women sex is mostly a mental state. Now men on the other hand- through years of evolution and in order to ensure the survival of the species- obviously cannot have the same complex system towards reproduction. if not the two systems would probably never align at the same time of the day month or year and eventually there will be too little reproduction going on and the species would be unable to guarantee its survival. This is why for men- sex is a physical act turned on by little more than visual stimuli. A male has to be ready to go whenever any of the females in his domain fall into their cycle. This is why a single male lion can have a pride of 20 females. or why a single bull or pedigree horse or alsatian is used on multiple females. Now because of the rapid break up of tribes with little loyalty in the wilds of africa from whence we came- men and all male animals as they hunted and gathered had to be ready at anytime to copulate with an ovulating female wherever they meet her. This is how species survive.then and till this day.

    Now the answer to the question? At the base level- whether you like it or not humans are advanced animals and the only thing separating us from the rest of the animal kingdom is acquired intelligence but our biology remains largely unchanged and consequently man whether women can wrap their heads around it or not- is naturally polygamous. That is not up for debate, it is not based on morality or religion. it is science.

    now we have evolved- mentally. we are self aware. and now we have religion. emotions. jealousy. protectiveness. morality. all these have made us realize the problems that come with polygamy. social issues- like jealousy and rivalry, economic issues- like money, because taking care of children and multiple women you cant exactly just run down a zebra and bring it home like the lions do.

    yet however we may have evolved mentally- we cannot change our biology. Women still react to their cycles- and men still must be prepared to react instantaneously to these cycles.

    for women-naturally and for reproductive purposes- sex is part of a cycle that started days before- for men sex is an act to take advantage of the chance occurrence of an ovulating female.

    ReplyDelete
  29. ***sorry this is long- rational arguments must be demonstrated- rationally.

    The age old question of why men cheat. and women trying to answer that question. let me try and answer this question for you in a way you will understand. if you have watched national geographic or been raised on a farm you will know the answer to this question. but first let me start with a question? you are at a party and a man walks in good looking clothes fitted shirt showing off his well built frame. most or all the girls will say oh nice, good looking. and the thought ends there. to sleep with him you will have to get to know him first, maybe have a chat, get to know his character over drinks or a meal. Same party and a fit girl walks in, size ten, dress showing off curves, fair skin, ample cleavage. All the men at the party on some level whether they like it or not dont stop at appreciating her beauty for beauty sake- they are all thinking of what it would be like to sleep with her. Now theres a reason for these different reactions between the sexes and its nothing anyone should be ashamed off.

    Ground rule- there are no absolutes

    For most women the act of sex is a mental state of mind. women have a complicated reproductive cycle a lot of which is controlled by the brain and your hormones. at a set period of the time you have to ovulate- release an egg-be fertile- be fertilized- conceive- give birth--or barring this your body-breaks down the egg-you menstruate- and the cycle starts over. this complex system cannot be switched on and off. it has to run its course. this is why for women sex is mostly a mental state. Now men on the other hand- through years of evolution and in order to ensure the survival of the species- obviously cannot have the same complex system towards reproduction. if not the two systems would probably never align at the same time of the day month or year and eventually there will be too little reproduction going on and the species would be unable to guarantee its survival. This is why for men- sex is a physical act turned on by little more than visual stimuli. A male has to be ready to go whenever any of the females in his domain fall into their cycle. This is why a single male lion can have a pride of 20 females. or why a single bull or pedigree horse or alsatian is used on multiple females. Now because of the rapid break up of tribes with little loyalty in the wilds of africa from whence we came- men and all male animals as they hunted and gathered had to be ready at anytime to copulate with an ovulating female wherever they meet her. This is how species survive.then and till this day.

    Now the answer to the question? At the base level- whether you like it or not humans are advanced animals and the only thing separating us from the rest of the animal kingdom is acquired intelligence but our biology remains largely unchanged and consequently man whether women can wrap their heads around it or not- is naturally polygamous. That is not up for debate, it is not based on morality or religion. it is science.

    now we have evolved- mentally. we are self aware. and now we have religion. emotions. jealousy. protectiveness. morality. all these have made us realize the problems that come with polygamy. social issues- like jealousy and rivalry, economic issues- like money, because taking care of children and multiple women you cant exactly just run down a zebra and bring it home like the lions do.

    yet however we may have evolved mentally- we cannot change our biology. Women still react to their cycles- and men still must be prepared to react instantaneously to these cycles.

    for women-naturally and for reproductive purposes- sex is part of a cycle that started days before- for men sex is an act to take advantage of the chance occurrence of an ovulating female.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Women have complex questions that they ask subconsciously before deciding on sexual intercourse. would he make a good mate? does he have good genes? can he provide for a family? how big and strong is he? can he protect me. these are questions that were in primeval times necessary to ensure her survival and the survival of her young.
    men however in reaction to these questions- evolved to be with any female that gives him a pass mark on any of these criteria. and he must be ready to do it immediately- because it doesnt come often.

    the question is not- why do men cheat?

    the question is why do men stay faithful?

    This is simply because of our mental evolution. our intelligence. our self awareness. morality. religion. reproductive health awareness. all mental issues that have nothing to do with our basic biology.

    men cheat because they are visually stimulated creatures and can separate sex based on love from sex based on opportunity. women cant.

    a lot of women dont realize that they have strong visual indicators that they give off. next time you see a guy you like try to take note of the things you do- flicking your hair back, or tucking your hair behind your ears, showing off your neck, staring too long or too short, playing with your purse, trying to control what you say-which shows in controlling your breathing, leaning in, making subtle contact- these are all preening signals and man has evolved to have strong sexual reactions to these signals even without knowing it himself.

    This is not a justification. men who cheat have stronger biological urges than any mental loyalties/leanings. both of which are part of his being and whatever path he takes- none of which should he feel shame for.

    A single dominant male animal in the wild is competitive- marking out large swathes of territory allowing only multiple females to share this territory with him and in many cases chasing off their sons when they come of age and start to become a threat to his dominance.

    women have it easier staying loyal because years of evolution and the need for survival have meant the need to stay together in the harsh wilds- most times depending on a single male for protection and/or feeding for her and her cubs/offspring. and this has made them to biologically be able to form stronger bonds to a single dominant male.

    men and women simply put- are wired differently.

    now for some personal injection. I have been with a girl that i loved to the end of the earth- a girl that i would have really literally taken a bullet for, nice, funny, caring, loved me crazily and i have cheated on her. and it was simply because there was an opportunity. and it never affected how i felt about her nor did i take my feelings for her into consideration when i decided to stray.

    on the other hand i have been with a girl who i didnt really love, yet i never cheated on her inspite of having numerous opportunities. Do you know why? She was an Alpha-female. She was hot, smoking body, IQ through the roof and totally comfortable with her sexuality. i didnt cheat on her inspite of not being totally in love with her simply because she made other girls seem pointless, all my friends wondered how i got her and simply put my mental satisfaction was able to overcome my biological inclinations

    the point is there is no hard and fast rule. the biological and/or mental- sometimes these things will work together, sometimes there will be in conflict with each other. whichever wins is sometimes as a result of complex external influences. what your last meal was, how stressed you were at work that day, if your wife/gf called you at work or swung around to bring you lunch, how you feel about yourself, how you feel about your boss, how many drinks you've had, what friends you are with.

    whatever the reason it is necessary to understand the simplistic biological reasons that differentiate sexual desire as exhibited by men and sexual desire as exhibited by women. and understanding this brings us a step closer to control and/or modification- if that is indeed what we desire to do.

    ReplyDelete
  31. p.s : some of you will agree with me, most of you wont. but remember that any counter argument you bring forward will not be on science but most of the time on religion - which is by and large exclusive to man of all the species on earth and as such can be considered- a man made invention or phenomenon...if you like.

    ReplyDelete
  32. How abt women dat deny their husband sex. And when a man is sex starved he sometimes if not all d time goes outside to make up for it. But if u give it to him as at when he needs it, no energy to go out for extra marital affairs.

    ReplyDelete
  33. I think this article is asinine as women marry men for children and money and if they decide to cheat on their husbands they still get to financially bankrupt him and take away his children. Marriage is dead - women and particularly feminists killed it along with chivalry, romance and love. Really the question we should be asking is why do women cheat so much more than men after all the not for profit study done over over 600,000 people here in the U.K showed that they in fact do cheat almost twice as much as men. It really is a pointless argument as the family law courts profit from men because they are the ones who work and they work because their wives overwhelmingly want to have children and what man would want to invest his heat body and soul into someone who has a 50% chance of taking it all away from him, all while she's out cheating herself.

    ReplyDelete
  34. I think this article is asinine as women marry men for children and money and if they decide to cheat on their husbands they still get to financially bankrupt him and take away his children. Marriage is dead - women and particularly feminists killed it along with chivalry, romance and love. Really the question we should be asking is why do women cheat so much more than men after all the not for profit study done over over 600,000 people here in the U.K showed that they in fact do cheat almost twice as much as men. It really is a pointless argument as the family law courts profit from men because they are the ones who work and they work because their wives overwhelmingly want to have children and what man would want to invest his heat body and soul into someone who has a 50% chance of taking it all away from him, all while she's out cheating herself.

    ReplyDelete

Click Post a Comment to share your thoughts, I'll love to hear from you. Thanks!

*Comments on old posts are moderated and may take sometime to be shown. That's just because I want to see them and respond to you if necessary.