Friday, July 6, 2012

The Part Where You Apologize - Guest Post by Lilly Star

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The strongest relationships stumble and when they do the ones that survive are the ones where the person who might have been wrong owns up to their mistake. It’s not just the “sorry” that counts, but the recognition with knowing you are fallible and that the person sitting across from you – that loved one from whom you seek validation and affection – understands that a brief setback isn’t a bad thing so long as reparations are made.

Pride has a habit of getting in the way. Deepak Chopra would call it “ego,” that other self living inside your brain that refuses to admit defeat or insecurity. But shorthand it’s just simply pride.

But when do you know you’re wrong?

Tough one, but in most altercations both people are to take some blame. Maybe you weren’t the offending actor, but it’s often our impatience or intolerance of the mistakes of our loved ones that propagate an argument. We sometimes are just as guilty for turning something minor and fixable into something more substantial. No matter what side you are on, taking a moment to figure out where you went wrong can help the relationship to blossom. Saying you’re sorry isn’t a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength and self-awareness.

The catch of course is that you are both aware of the mistakes you can and do make and that you are willing to fix them. If you find yourself unwilling to make changes and accommodate your partner than this relationship, and maybe any relationship, probably isn’t right for you. Like with all things, learning and adaptation make us the mature and loving adults, not stubborn attitudes.

The acceptance of an apology can be just as delicate as handing one out. We are extremely vulnerable when going through an apology and failure to validate our companion’s efforts to make things right reflects poorly on us. We need to learn to hear our partner trying to meet us halfway, trying to say not only that they’re sorry but that they wish to work with us to improve our current position. It’s obvious, but beating an apology out of someone doesn’t do any good unless you are truly willing to accept it. Think about the times when you’ve felt truly sorry for something and how much it stung when someone, a friend or coworker even, failed to recognize that effort. Being able to accept an apology can be on par with anything else we do in a relationship.

Being wrong and being right are overrated. Be present, be active in your relationships and learn about your partner and help them through their shortcomings. Because if you do that they’ll return the favor and you’ll see that your love, trust and future will grow stronger.


Lilly Star is the lead female voice at Lilly is a professional advice-giver with experiences in dating men of all types, including the good ones that got away. Her passions include white wine, purple peonies and relaxing on the chaise lounge with her dachshund, Samantha. Lily's work can be read on dating blogs for both men and women.


  1. I completely agree!

    Being able to say sorry, as simple as it may seem, definitely makes relationships easier. All that time that would have been otherwise wasted transferring blame

  2. nice one...

    Saying you’re sorry isn’t a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength and self-awareness.

    I agree...

  3. Totally on point. Being wrong or right is overrated & accepting an apology is just as important as giving an one.
    Thank you for sharing


  4. Sorry!!!! That 5 letter words that seem so easy is actually very difficut to say, it takes a mature mind in a relationship to trully admit they are at fault........


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