Monday, June 25, 2012

Waiting Till You Get Married for Sex

Posted in: , , , ,

I love me some Megan good, I think she's a sweet actress and she's really beautiful. Recently, she and her fiance, now husband, DeVon Martin, got married after some weeks of publicity where she stated that they were waiting till they were married to, you know, get it on, have carnal knowledge of each other, have sex, make love, or whatever name or term floats anybody's boat. Even Franklin appeared on Oprah's show and talked about their mutual decision to stay celibate until they were wed.

Just look at that picture up there, isn't it just so sweet? I think so, especially knowing the above.

Some people who have read some of my old posts on this issue, especially Christianity and Sex -What's a young girl to do and Abstinence for the mature singles, went away with the idea that I promote pre-marital sex. I didn't bother to debate the specifics then, because in a way, I do. But the core of that last post is that the decision to have sex or to abstain should be a personal one.

There are other factors that I think also play into the whole should you wait for sex or not. First of all, having sex with any random person is out of the question, as is unprotected sex.

Also, like I noted in the previous posts, if you're Christian and your conscience strictly guides you away from intimacy from your boyfriend or fiance, there's a reason, heed it.

If you believe it is for you, then we come to the next step. The self awareness and discussion with your partner on the issue of sex is strictly for mature couples. Sometimes, age does come into it though some people are more psychologically mature than their age mates. Still, I don't think the decision may be the same for a 20 years old as for a 29years old. I may be wrong though.

Another factor is how long you both date each other. If the courtship is just 6 months to a year, I think it is easier to deal than people who date for 5 - 10 years. It is said that Megan Good and Franklin met on the set of Jumping the Broom, which she starred in and he produced, and started dating soon after filming wrapped. So that means they've been together for about a year plus.

At the end though, it is the choice of the couple to make whether to have sex before or after marriage.

Sometimes though, marriage is the only thing that will ensure complete trust between a couple. Some of us have so much baggage from the past and it is not anybody's fault. So when you are in love when such people, really in love, you have to accept them as they are.

Also, abstinence can be a mutual decision so that the couple can have a remarkable memory for their wedding night.  Most times, it will be worth it, if not on that night due to exhaustion or travel, at least during the honeymoon.

What I will say again is that sex between two people who love and trust each other can be beautiful. Ditch your sexual hang-ups in time and make sure the person you marry is someone you can be completely open with and you'll surely have a great time.







41 comments:

  1. This is a topic a lot of people will probably never agree on. I stick with the scriptural injunction here and I think the complications of doing otherwise is too much of a risk to take... but again, its my opinion!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree with PET projects, the word of God should be the standard. Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound?

      Delete
    2. Exactly! To a certain extent I think my laziness is a major deciding factor on the decisions I make.

      I could go with 'if he's the one then you can have sex before marriage and feel safe' but uhm... how I go take know say na eem be the one? I'll have to do extra extra research and start paying attention to EVERY thing.

      Or... I could just take the lazy man's route (aka the safe route) and wait till marriage. Not to mention, it's the biblically advised way of doing things. It's how things were done in my mother's time and her mother's time and I say if the system ain't broke then don't fix it (again, that is still bordering on my laziness).

      Delete
  2. thank you PET Projects and Atoskin. i dated my husband for well over two years and we decided to wait. i will not judge anyone who decides not to wait (who am i to do that) but if we say we are christians, then we should go the full mile to obey and do everything God tells us to do and not decide to obey the stuffs thats convenient while we disregard the others.
    i dont regret one bit getting married as a virgin, knowing that i pleased God in that regard gives me a whole lot of joy.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ope, I truly envy you. Your body is a holy temple and therefore should be guarded jealously.

    I support waiting before marriage if you can. If you can't, ask for strength from God.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I don't think anyone went away thinking you advocated pre-marital sex. I think its just the either/or that threw them. I agree that we can't dictate to people what to do ( who are we and everybody's responsible for their lives).

    However, anyone who says they are Christians should have no objections to obeying God's word about marital relations. But as you have said, its a personal thing and should be a mutual thing. It always amuses me when a friend says 'I'm dating this guy, he's a Christian but he doesn't believe in no sex before marriage' I usually laugh and reply 'so you'll be having sex soon then' because it is the truth.

    There is intense, immense power in sex and even in mutual agreement to abstain, its hard, then imagine the struggle when one person pesters and engineers situations that will end in sexual liaisons?
    I am 35, so I would be called matured and have remained celibate for 3 years plus now because, one, I recommitted my life to the Lord; two,I don't see the point in giving something so deep and precious to just anyone who might just walk away. why risk unnecessary heartbreak and allow someone to rob my body as well? Three, I wish to keep my body as a temple for the Lord and I wait for the day after my wedding to give my body to my husband and learn anew lovemaking without any residual guilt.

    It is hard, very hard, especially when you live in a country where sex is thrown at you from every corner but if there is a mutual agreement (it also gives you the opportunity to explore each other's core values) then there's no point in making each other suffer for too long by courting for years and years (I believe that whatever, you haven't discovered in a year or so in your partner, you're not going to find it in 5 years or you're just plain unobservant!).

    So just marry with faith in your heart, after clearing it with God and work at making your marriage a success. God bless

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I honestly agree with you. The society has become so complex and sex too!, young people have gradually 'grown' with it and now it's part of their 'daily bread'.
      It is really hard to abstain (especially when one has had a taste of it) but it is still the best. As a christain, I preach Abstinence and Self control.

      Delete
    2. I stand with you pepperz on this one. I think what I have come to understand, the way we view ourselves and how Christ sees us is important. SEX is one of many things God encourages us to abstain from until marriage because they are specific guidelines on how things work both in the spiritual and physical. To tell the truth, I really appreciate my body so much and its precious to me(temple of the holy spirit, boi it means NO to any form of ungodly doctrines) and NO no matter the love I have for u(THE DUDE) I dont think SEX is the way to show it. U will know by my actions i.e. integrity and respect and care I show towards you and your family. I also think this sex business men its overrated t(how should people that cant physically have sex feel and their spouses still stick by them?). There is more to this life than SEX, SEX SEX alie.

      I believe in celibacy and abstinence for all the right reasons and I will encourage us to see the good in it. pere..kapesh.

      Delete
  5. Well, thank you ladies for the sincere comments. I am 25, and in a relationship, going into our second year now. We hope to be married- in another 2years. He (a virgin) suggested (even though I had been sexually active before meeting him, and gave my life to Christ) that we abstain. I gotta say, it's been a tough ride for me, but i am committed to staying true if not anything, so i can tell our children, if your daddy and i can do it, then so can you.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I agree with everyone. The bible is my standard, and waiting till marriage is honorable. Besides, its one less thing to worry about in our already complex lives - you know "i hope this itch is not an STD?", or "i hope not preggers, this one my period is late".

    I also believe that when you sleep with someone, a part of them remains with you forever. Sex is very spiritual too in my opinion. It is one of the "gates" into our lives which should be guarded jealously. If you believe there is a shred of truth in nollywood movies, you will agree that spirits and spiritual issues are transferred btw people through sex.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Myne, drop this topic already............We get it for the umpteenth time that you promote premarital sex.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is a topical issue any time, and if you ever want to talk through it, I'm here :)

      Delete
    2. @ Yes: What's wrong with promoting the right to choose? It's the same old 'live and let live argument.' On matters of sex and sexuality, it is pretty much an individual choice.

      Delete
  8. Myne,

    What I understand from your posts relating to this issue is that you are dancing around whatever your stance is. It reads as though you are trying to pacify all the different opinions there are. Please correct me if I have repeatedly read this wrong.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well said........She's trying to sit on the fence... SMH!! One needs to stand by one's belief not dilly dally around all sides

      Delete
    2. Nakedsha, my stand is obvious. I support premarital sex for certain people in certain situations. Do I preach or promote it? No.

      Delete
  9. For me as a christian the Bible is my standard. I think abstaining from sex till marriage is the best decision anyone can make, with God's help.

    ReplyDelete
  10. meagan good had been such an inspiration this past year.. i mean i think i am under the category of people that their conscience pricks them lol anyway I have been trying to run away from her and her husband because i am like a stalker now and there you go posting this ish

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL...sorry. And listen to your conscience.

      Delete
  11. First of all, marriage is no guarantee that the person is 'The One'. Marriages fail everyday, so there really is nothing like "waiting until you're sure he's the one". When to have sex is a personal decision (or a mutual one - since it's 2 of you in the relationship), when you think you're old/mature enough to deal with whatever consequences of your actions, and also considering each person's faith and personal beliefs.

    Obviously, the ideal thing for a Christian would be to wait until marriage, but let's not forget that we're not all Christians and things happen. Life happens. So, for people who have no cultural/religious biases against pre-marital sex, there are some pretty good points in this article.

    I'm Christian. I'm not married. I've had sex. I have some regrets but I don't regret all of it. And I don't think it has made me any less of a good person (note I didn't say Christian, but let's be honest - we tend to view this sex/being a virgin thing as a way to make ourselves feel like good people). I'm working at abstaining from now, but that's a reflection of how my personal relationship with God is going. Again, personal. There should be an understanding of why you're doing something deep in your soul, and not just because it's written in the Bible, or we would still be stoning adulterous women till this day.

    Maybe I'm sitting on the fence too, but my opinion is that no one should feel pressured to either engage or not engage in sex. It's your decision.

    This is TecknicoleurGrl, btw. Sorry this comment is so long.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thank you everyone for the comments. I'm really not writing this to change anyone's mind or beliefs. Just stating that it is good to learn to make our own decisions and own them.

    ReplyDelete
  13. As a Christian, the no premarital sex rule applies. No argument.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Draw up a list of pros & cons of pre marital sex (preferably when you're not horny, of course) and you'll see why God, whose idea sex was in the first place, gave us rules to help us enjoy this precious amazing gift.

    Everytime we choose to do what we want instead of what He would have us do, we hurt ourselves. He loves us enough to forgive us & help us fix the mess we create, but our actions have consequences. When we think we know better than Him, we should be prepared to deal with the fruits of the seeds we plant.

    The wedding ceremony doesn't make a person who can't abstain suddenly able to abstain. What happens when you're apart, or pregnancy complications prevent intercourse, or either partner is sick? You're likely to keep doing what you were doing before, ignoring God's instructions cos your need for sex is more important than your need to obey God, or obeying Him & honoring your vows.

    Sex, like fire, needs to be used within boundaries or else what was designed to provide pleasure will cause us pain. It's not the popular POV, but God's word doesn't change to suit our preferences.

    ReplyDelete
  15. This issue is controversial and personal my take is base on my belief as christian abstinency,does it make one a better christian absolutely not but it`s makes you fill at peace with your body which is temple of God, for teens who are yet to know there left and right it will give them time to understand what they are in for and take full responsibility of their actions.

    I live in a country where 78% teens got pregnant without marriage mostly between age 13-17 years old, rate of std`s and pre-term labour and death rate is overwhelming.

    I say don`t do it, doesn`t worth the consequence I wrote a book regarding this issue *Virgin super model tried to save her teen sis, save yours if you can* Sex Education for young adult.

    But for those adults who is up for it
    Who are mine to decide for you.


    I say play save that does not mean I`m in support of sex before marriage unfortunately many see it as normal.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I deem it especially necessary to make a few things clear as regards the content below, please pay particular attention and try not to assume that you have absolute understanding of my state of mind and/or inclination. I Believe in God and I favour the concept of marriage, where a man clings to a woman and loves her like Christ loves the Church. I also stand for purity.


    I have said this before, and I am saying it again; God does not make husbands or wives, God makes men and women. I fear that I might get too philosophical, may be even blasphemous if I delve as deep as I would love to about this matter. The concept of 'marriage' has in my opinion become over-rated. I would have said wedding, which is actually the typical reality that we mostly mistake for marriage.

    We refer to sex too many times as a 'creation', for example when we say "God 'made' sex for marriage." Permit me to indulge here a bit please- if God made sex for 'marriage', it therefore implies that God made marriage and that he made it for a particular reason(s), as the case may be, right? Sex is NOT a creation, it is an act. Sex is an act as much as corruption is an act, will you therefore say that God 'made' corruption?

    Let us not be naïve, marriage even according to the bible is not the ultimate (1st Corinthians 7), verse 9 of that passage says, "But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn." Why then do we exalt it exceedingly? Because it is the easier option? And then we unconsciously or consciously propagate this opinion with annoying condescension; like whoever is not in concurrence with the opinion is a lesser being or is damned and doomed for all of eternity.

    Some people just have sex; some fall in love, have sex, and then get married and continue having sex; some others fall in love, get married and then begin having sex. I find it unnecessary to state what category I fall under, but what I will say is if you do not know exactly WHY you are under a particular category, your ignorance does not preserve you from whatever ill or provide you with whatever blessing is associated with either category. Understanding is the key. The bible makes it clear that 'those who worship God worship Him in "truth" and in spirit', emphasis mine.

    The goal of life, or Christian life if you may, is to 'know' God, to love God and to worship Him till you are united with Him in Heaven. Mark my words, NO ONE can claim superiority of understanding on this matter, not the Pope, not the Archbishop of Canterbury, not your local Pastor, and most certainly not me; hence, I would appreciate if we all just live life the best way we can, get along as much as we can, and hope as much as we want; till the end meets us and our questions will be answered without anyone left in doubt or confusion.

    ReplyDelete
  17. This topic again?
    lol. Anyway it is a decision many single people face regularly.
    I do understand where you are coming from Myne.
    As a former placard carrying virgin, I do think virginity is over-rated at times. I have fallen off my high horse and i am the better for it in my relationship with my Father. I think the pride I had in being a virgin was a bigger sin at some point.

    ReplyDelete
  18. As a Christian, I will always go for abstinence. Yes. Let us not also forget that sex involves two ADULTS, who can take responsibility for their actions. Stories abound of ladies who abstain until the wedding night, only to regret that choice right on the same wedding night due to some shocking discoveries.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Interesting post and even more interesting comments. LOL

    My philosophy is that 'one size doesn't fit all.' It's for the individuals to decide what's best for them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL. Kiru, I'm trying to ignore the entendre in your comment.

      Delete
  20. Interesting post and comments. Great that Megan Good can decide to be celibate, she's a role mole to many young adults and she's preaching a wonderful message.

    Premarital sex is so advertised these days, from music videos, movies, even TV commercials. Its a norm to hear young adults advertise their sexual prowess. Waiting can be difficult but very possible with God's grace.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Like i have said before concerning this matter,scripturally it is wrong.However,it really is a personal decision.As for me,i would not want to take the risk of being in a exit-less relationship with someone i am not sexually compatible with.And how can i get to know if i'm compatible with her sexually if we don't indulge in pre-marital sex? Like Myne rightly said,it's a personal thing,do what works for you.

    ReplyDelete
  22. why is this a debate? anyone who wants to abstain should be diligent in doing so. anyone who doesn't want to, na who e consain? i hate it when i hear one dimensional assessment of the pros and cons of abstaining. seriuously, who e consign? na ur body dem dey abstain or chooke with? this topic really bores me.

    ReplyDelete
  23. PLS HOW DO I MEET A MAN WHO WILL BE WILLING TO ABSTAIN FROM SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE

    ReplyDelete
  24. Hmm hmm hmm. Nice post and very nice comments. Bin thinking 'bout this for a long time. Now, I knw what to do. I think I noticed the double entendre in taye's comment too..lmao... Anyway... Thanks Myne. This came @ the write time.....*winks*

    ReplyDelete
  25. Sincerely speaking what is this thing about sex sef,if you can't hold yourself deal with it,no matter the reasons and justifications.Without sex will one not live.Keeping one's self is the best,be it that you are 20years,30years,40years!

    ReplyDelete

Click Post a Comment to share your thoughts, I'll love to hear from you. Thanks!

*Comments on old posts are moderated and may take sometime to be shown. That's just because I want to see them and respond to you if necessary.