Friday, April 20, 2012

Moving in: Are You Ready to Live with your Man?

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Yesterday, we were discussing co-habitation, and today I have a guest post on the same topic. Erica St. Claire looks at some ways to help you decide if you're ready for the big move.


So you’ve been dating for a while and the idea of moving in with your boyfriend has been presented. This can be very exciting as moving in together allows an the opportunity for the two of you to grow closer by sharing a key, a bed and the same roof.

But because moving in together also involves sharing more serious things like rent, bills, groceries, and a slew of other obligations, if done without proper consideration, moving in with your significant other can result in broken leases and even broken hearts. So to make sure that your relationship doesn’t go straight to hell in a U-Haul, be sure to ask yourself the following questions before committing to packing your bags and picking out paint colors with your new roomie:

Do you spend most of your time together?  If you are at your guy’s place six days out of the week and your own apartment is basically one extremely overpriced storage facility, then moving in with him might make a lot of sense.  Living with another human being isn’t always easy—but when you can spend a large chunk of your time outside of work with your man and for the majority of it you truly enjoy each other’s company without either of you feeling suffocated, then there is the likely chance that your new living arrangement will be a successful one.

How do you resolve conflict in your relationship?  There is no surprise that communication between couples is one of the most important ingredients to mixing up a healthy relationship. And because there are bound to be misunderstandings, tiffs and even a few fights in any healthy relationship between couples who reside together, openly communicating to resolve such conflicts is essential. So that arguments with your man aren’t the knock-down, drag-out kind, make sure that the two of you have established a solid technique for resolution that enables you to effectively handle any issues which may arise that are bigger than just leaving the toilet seat up or forgetting to take out the trash.

Are you moving in together to save money?  If your answer to this question is yes, put down the listing to the new apartment you and your man are eyeing and step away from the Realtor. In today’s frightening economic climate, people everywhere are doing anything they can to save a buck or two. But when your idea of embarking upon a cohabitating relationship is fueled by the idea of pinching pennies, you aren’t moving in together for the right reasons. Sure living by yourself is more expensive financially, but if you aren’t in love and ready to commit to a permanent relationship in a joint household, then you could wind up paying more than expected in a situation that is more expensive emotionally.

Can you compromise on where to live?  Making the decision to move in together is no doubt a big one, and it comes with big compromises—one of them being the compromise of where the two of you will actually call home at the end of the day. Sit down together and carefully consider whether to move into his place, your place or start someplace new.  When moving into a home in which one of you already lives, there is risk of the original occupant feeling smothered and the new roommate risks feeling like it is not as much their home as it is their partner’s. If it reasonably coincides with your circumstances, throw said risks out the window and move in to a brand new place for you and your man to build a home together from scratch.

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Erica St. Claire is a guest post author who enjoys writing about dating and relationships. Erica also writes for Best Christian Dating Sites where she offers her tips for safe online dating to the Christian community.




22 comments:

  1. Good questions that help determine whether this is a move to make or not.

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  2. Your blog is indeed a PANACEA for the soul. There is no observance as esteemed as orderliness. Myne Whitman, you have the PANACEA. Share it!

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  3. not really in support of cohabitation/live in lovers. i just think its a bit like wanting commitment without actually being commited (if that makes sense)

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    1. But what if the couple are already engaged and a wedding date set for maybe 6months - 2years?

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    2. Still doesn't make it right. Anything can happen in 6 months I.e. they could end the relationship. In some instances, it's almost improbable not to spend a night or two, as was the case for me & my wife but moving in bags & all is not it at all.

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    3. I agree! And I probably agree because I'm extremely archaic or extremely lazy. If my parents didn't move in with each other in their times and everything worked out fine for them then I won't and by God's grace everything will work out for me. If the system ain't broke, don't fix it.

      How do you pray to be delivered from temptations when you are walking in its path....

      ...regardless though, to each his own. I'm just too lazy to have to think it through

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  4. I've watched enough cases on Judge Judy to know that ds is a bad idea. Unlike a married couple, when u break up, u hv no rights esp when it comes to dividing shared property. The court might not be sympathetic. I won't do it. I won't even have a roommate to begin with.

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    1. I have seen those Judge Judy cases too and I agree with you. I don't mind cohabitation - short or long-term - but if one wants or has to do it, better to be prepared.

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  5. I agree with Dianah and support the idea of marriage before cohabitation.
    That said, I think these tips could apply to marriage as well.

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    1. You know, you're right. I re-read the article with your comment in mind and it is indeed pertinent to all those thinking of taking their relationship to the next level of either exclusive, engaged or married.

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  6. moved in with my BF for a few months because I was in btw places... It was an interesting experience. I loved being with him but when ever we got into an argument there was really no place for us to separate (he has a really small place) and cool down. ignoring each other just made things worse... but the benefit was that even though we entered the bed angry... we never woke up that way (nothing kinky or dirty). We just couldnt stand to sleep on opposite sides of the bed so eventually we would meet in the middle and talk.

    When it was time for me to move I think it was a relief to have our own space again but we learned a lot about each other, grew closer, and are still together. marriage will be a different thing though. :-)
    #Can'tWait

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  7. Awww...really love this comment by anonymous. Sounds like a pretty healthy relationship to me. Personally I think Nigerians (and to a large extent the whole world) is obsessed with marriage. Co-habitation makes a great deal of sense but it's a decision not to be taken lightly.

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    1. I agree that for it to be successful, people should regard it as the same level of commitment as marriage.

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  8. I really have no issue with cohabitation...but make sure you are in it for the right reason.

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  9. You know what's funny? I'm in church right now and the Pastor is talking about not living with anyone you're not married to. Lol. Err, don't ask me why I'm reading blogs when I'm in church.

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    1. Verastic!!!!! Verastic!!!!!!!! Verastic!!!!!!!!!! How many times did I call you? WHY ARE YOU READING BLOGS IN CHURCH ....lol

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  10. am glad i saw this am at this stage right now and couldn't make up my mind but now i know

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  11. living in with a boyfriend is a temporary option. We had better be counting down to marriage. Secondly, I would prefer to move into somewhere brand new. I am not good with sharing space :)

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  12. Cohabiting with a man or woman you are not legally married to is not only bad but ungodly. It also has its own consequences, hence you have more divorce cases than marriage ceremonies these days. Anyone who could not hold should get marriedd properly or put his or her body under subjection( 1 Cor.7:2, 1 Cor. 9:27)

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