Friday, March 16, 2012

Re: Christianity and Sex - What's a young Lady to do?

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This is the response from the young lady who sent in that request.

Good morning, Myne. I just have to say this - thank you for posting my letter on your blog. The comments have been so realistic and helpful, and as anticipated, I did have a lot of fun. The personal experiences mentioned have taught me so much, and will be a guide in my next relationship. The comments from the males, Gbemisoke and a few others really blew my mind.

I spoke to the dear "Spirit-filled" brother who visited about how uncomfortable I was about what happened, and how we should have talked about stuff like that before he visited, and though he apologised, he called a few days later, saying he feels he's taking another man's wife. So, we are officially over. *smiling*

I believe, as Anonymous 2 said, that God will not give me a stone when I asked Him for bread. So right now, I'm sure my own bread is being baked, to be presented to me when it's at the right consistency, and would taste just perfect!


So I actually replied to the email before I put it up here. This was my response;

1. Are you still in love with your Ex? I assumed you had good reason to finally break up with him after you found he started dating other girls before officially ending your own relationship. If you do still have feelings, you may give him a friendly call and see if he's still single. However, maybe it's better you do not because sometimes it's better to leave the past as is.

2. Your new BF sounds like an OK guy but you seem not to really like him? I also wonder why he has to make a physical move on your first night together, maybe you did not let him know your stand on sex before marriage? How long have you guys known and been talking/in a relationship before now? I would suggest you ask yourself if you really see him as your husband? If you do, then calmly explain to him at a neutral time that you would prefer if you both wait for marriage. At that time, you can both also agree on how far to go when physically expressing your love. If on the other hand, you're just not comfortable with him, maybe it's time to let him know and move on?


So thanks to everyone for all your contributions. Have a great weekend.


  1. i think kissing and cuddling is natural, im not advising she be readily available to any man who demands all that, but if she is ever comfortable with him and she knows that she is in love, then she might as well act natural and avoid any further frustrations, frustrations between her, the next beau and her God. But these are just my two cents, but mind you, this is coming from a very liberal standpoint on sex and sexuality.
    sooo take my advice with a grain of salt if you must.

    1. Thanks for your comment. Indeed to each their own.

  2. Your response was very reasonable.Sex before marriage is a No-No in Christianity,however ,it is very hard.The pressure is more on women because they tend to be at the receiving end of man's almost constant thoughts of sex.

    1. True word. I think both the man and the woman should work together.

  3. Kissing and cuddling might be okay for everyone else and maybe even sex before marriage but Christians DO NOT have that liberty. We are expected to be bound to Christ and the only recognized and valid 'cuddling, kissing or sex' in Christianity is in marriage! Anyone who has a contrary opinion should see me in court. lol. God bless you for this, Myne! I had a number of friends read the prequel to this post! They were soooo glad they did.

    1. Thanks Geebee, but I may soon be seeing you in court :)

    2. I agree with you Geebee. I believe that as Christians, we are meant to use the Bible and not popular opinion as our standard. Nothing is impossible with God. We should seek to settle for nothing less than God's best in every area of our lives and remember that God rewards obedience.

    3. Agree with Geebee
      A Christian minister says, each button leads to the next
      So if you start pressing the kissing button, you will
      eventually have sex.

  4. Hello young lady...

    This is Anonymous 2 from your previous post. I'm glad to see your second post and the progress. All you had to do was resist the "devil" and he fled(not saying the young man is a devil, but talking about the temptation to lower the standard the Spirit of God in you has advised you to hold on to).

    Now you just wait patiently on the Lord within His principles for as long as it takes and I bet you will come back here to testify to the true love and great man whom He will bless you with.

    Please make sure to come back and testify (no matter when)because it will encourage others who have been torn between obeying the voice of the Holy Spirit and the pressures of the world in which we live in.

    You will surely laugh last and best.

    Praying for you.

  5. After all has been read and consumed,this is my verdict!..we are humans and the best of us remains human!!! So if you are not ready to cook or eat your food,why put on the stove or cooker? The way the males are made anatomically and physiologically,they have the tendency to get aroused sharply under little,slim or less provoking situation. A typical man does not take time in processing all the atrocities his eyes sees around him. So automatically n reflexively,his eyes sends signals 2 his brain which sends signals 2 his nerves n d rest becomes history.

    I'm no science student,and so far,i can state that while a guy may be in the 'mood' faster than a girl,she can still control 'things' to some extent. So what i'm saying here is that the human in us finds it difficult to keep off from kissing and cuddling with someone we have emotional attachments with. I don't go about feeling like kissing or cuddling with my guy friends,but with someone we share mutual feelings with?..anything is possible. I'm happy that this lady broke up with her EX because time or no time,it looks like he wasn't worth the waiting afterall. IF he had not sown his wild oats elsewhere,they might have come back together. She did the right thing so please, DON'T EVER FEEL GUILTY!!! It was just a matter of time before you two went all the way anyway so who are we deceiving,...oh you think because you had not penetrated,he does not imagine it?....or the 'man' in him does not feel like completing the heat he started?..and if you two had gone 'down' once,it would have taken the Grace of God for you not to continue. Thats the automatic power of fornication.

    As for the 'christian brother'..well,who am i to judge right? But i still dnt get why a so called brother would subscribe to the 'k' and 'c' when u two just met!..i mean u can as well go ahead and kiss every brother you meet. And he should not have told you its alright because its never alright! Its extremely difficult to stick to certain rules but, it does help. I think you should also know the kind of person you are and work by that. Having stated certain facts earlier about our being human,you should talk things out with him or any other guy you come across. TALK THINGS OUT! And never you assume!!! By then,if you get carried away,he would withdraw...and of course most importantly, PRAYERS cannot be over emphasized.

    I will drop my pen by saying that to fight a war you cannot help,you need the help of a warrior you cannot help!!!..and to fight a battle you cannot see,you need the help of someone you cannot see. SHALOM.....welldone ma

  6. Well as a Christian I feel the best way to go is to follow what the bible says. To avoid all these issues to do with sex bofore marriage is not to start a relationship in the first place coz the bible says don't arouse love whjen u r not ready.


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