Friday, March 23, 2012

E Don Happen, Na Wetin I go Talk?

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Do you remember the story of a househelp, her madam's white trousers, and a naked oga in the master bathroom? This is the sequel...

As I turn face madam, na plenty tings jus enter my head, wetin I wan tell madam? Which kain lie I go take lie wey my punishment go reduce? As I don dey used to this place, e no go too sweet to return go back to the place wey my papa and mama dey stay. I no talk say I no like my papa and mama o, before una turn to dey curse me but I don big pass the place wey dem dey stay and no be mouth. A girl suppose aim for the skies na, abi no be so? As madam wan open mouth shout again na im I jus fall for ground dey roll.

“Mary! What’s this? What’s happening?” The kain fear wey enter my madam voice be wan make me laff but dem no born me well to try am.

“Jesus tank you, father tank you.” I stop to dey roll come begin dey shake. Na dat moment oga comot from baffroom. All this time e bin dey listen to music for inside the baffroom, so the man no kukuma hear all the wahala wey bin dey go on.

“Holy crap! What’s this?!”

“Well, I came in and saw her naked. She was actually bent waist down in front of…”

“Stop! Stop!! Is this…like a set-up or what?” The fear wey dey my oga voice no be small one.

“Baby, are you even listening to what I am saying. Are you saying that you did not know Mary was in the room? Is it a coincidence that you were in the bathroom and she was ready to leave the room?”

“What in heaven’s name are you talking about? And why have you left her uncovered? Gosh, baby, sometimes you need to take things one step at a time.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means you should have ensured that she was covered especially as you saw that I was getting out of the shower and not leave all of her shaking like that.”

“Really all of her, why pretend you haven’t seen it all?”

“Thanks to you, now I have.”

As I see say the ting fit bring kata kata between dem two, na im I sit up. As dem see me, both of dem keep quiet, oga wey no tie towel before quick quick grab one tie, madam jus pull dia bed sheet take cover my body.

“What were you doing here, Mary?” Madam use jeje voice ask me.

“Oga, madam no vex. Na help I bin dey help una.”

“Help who? By sleeping with my husband? Baby, I thought you said…”

“Na one prophet ma!” If I no interrupt madam, e fit turn to something else. “The prophet talk say if I no dance naked for every room of the house wey I bin dey stay say the person wey dey hold your belle make you no born pickin go succeed.”

“Why would you believe such crap? Oh Mary, you are so silly! Has it ever occurred to you or your prophet that we might be into family planning?”

Yes, e better make I dey silly. “But madam, the man dream dey come to pass. E bin dream one time say my papa work go finish and the ting happen.”

“Well, hasn’t he had any good dreams like you being crowned Miss Nigeria or winning the ‘who wants to be a millionaire’ show?” My oga fit use style style yab pesin.

“I no know sir, I no be God.”

“Didn’t you know oga was in the room or didn’t you even hear him come into the house?”

“Whenever I dey spirit I no dey hear anyting around me and …”

“Well, needless to say Mary, you nearly caused a catastrophe between my wife and I. Next time…”

“Next time? Baby, seriously I don’t think there will be a next time. I will not be comfortable having her around here anymore.”

“Come on! Where’s the carefree, forgiving woman I married? I think Mary’s problem stems from illiteracy; she should be a challenge to you. Perhaps she needs to start school. A literate mind wouldn’t easily be conned by a fraudulent prophet and let’s not forget that she thought she was doing us a favor.”

Kai, my rep don suffer; shey na me be illiterate? I fit vex now talk de whole truth, if dem like make dem chase me comot but as I think am more, e be like say e go better make I go school sef, at least make I sabi speak engrish small.

“Let’s talk about this later, after she is out of our room and besides I don’t like your defending her. Mary go to your room.” As she see say I bin wan comot the bedsheet…”No, don’t remove that. Just go! Make sure you take it to the laundry later.”

“Oga tank you, madam tank you. God go bless una, for my life I no go believe dat prophet again. God tank…” Kai, e be like say na next time wen dem don comot na im I go come carry my wrapper wey dey inside wardrobe be dat.

“Mary, just go!”

As I bin dey comot, na im I hear oga ask madam, “So, how did you say she was bent… I mean how did you find her again?” E be like say my oga take style style get small craze, how im go ask madam dat kain question?

Omo men e no concern me sha but na so I bin take escape and na so I bin take start school. Who talk say Warri girl dey carry last?

This was first published on by Enoquin


  1. Hahaha I was just looking at a very chaotic scene between the couple after the last time. I didn't even know how they'll be able to get out of it. The writer is so good. I would have felt so bad if their marriage had to bear the impact of the girl's silliness.
    Nice one!

  2. Lwkmd. This writer is hilarious. The last one got me rolling and I was wondering what was going to happen cos if i were the wife, I honestly don't know what I would do. Nice twist tho, thank God Mary get some sense if not, she for cause serious kata kata

  3. Hehehehe! Smart Mary!


  4. Hahaha omo waffe gyal no fit carry last... e no dey happen!!!

  5. This is some smart ass house help

  6. Funny story.

    Congrats on the anthology, Myne.

  7. This is one story I've been waiting to read the conclusion. Oh my, the househelp is someone I would like in my 'gisting circle'. She get kolo no be small. Really nice to read this, thank you Myne.

    On a personal note, when are you coming out with another WIP? I really enjoyed reading the last and look forward to reading another. You take care and much regards x

  8. Lol!

    interesting thinking on her part and truly, warri person no dey carry last. She even got to start school!


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