Saturday, February 4, 2012

Where is our Safe Haven? Guest post by Chinwe Obi

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I wept as I listened to Chaz B’s Sharing Life Issues on Inspiration FM and the topic of discussion was “Incest”. I still shudder with goose bumps on my arms as I write this article. This is the kind of things that we read in the papers as they only happen in the western world “or maybe it used to happen here and people don’t speak much about it”. We are definitely not used to hearing of cousins, uncles, e.t.c sexually abusing the younger wards that they are responsible for protecting.

I remember growing up as a child in my family home; I felt so much peace, comfort and love from my parents, this is exactly how every child should feel, your home should be a safe haven for you, but the topic of discussion on the Chaz B show has shattered that belief for me.

Now we have fathers abusing their own daughters to the extent of sending them to an early grave. As I listened to this confessions on the radio, I kept staring at my little nieces and I wept uncontrollably as to who would want to hurt such angelic, beautiful and innocent creatures. How could a father's mind be so twisted that he would go as far as destroying the very thing he is supposed to be protecting?

I tremble just thinking about this because I can’t even imagine the excruciating pains these very tender children must constantly live with. I know I had a very sheltered upbringing; I grew up seeing my father as a pillar of strength and protection that each time he had to go on a business trip, I hardly slept at night because I used to be scared that something may happen at night in his absence, but when he came back I felt very safe and secure again. My home was my safe haven and it still happens till this day even though I am in my thirties.

So I think to myself, children of the 21st century should have a right to sheltered lives as well, their homes should be their safe haven and their fathers should be the protector, defender and the mini god that they see. But all these have changed due to the wickedness in the heart of men and the twisted mind that these men have, because now you don’t struggle to protect your children from abuse by uncles, cousins, house helps and the likes but you now protect them from their own fathers, how twisted can this be? If these little girls have been constantly abused by their own fathers, what is next for them, what kind of life are they expected to live? Who do they turn to for love and protection, who will fight for them, who will soothe their souls, who will mend their broken hearts, what kind of women will they become in future if they survive this abuse???? All these and many more questions are going riot in my head as I write.

My biggest question is what will make a father commit such disdainful act with his own daughter, what pleasure does he intend to derive from the act? We discussed this in my office and most people think it is for the purpose of ritual for either wealth or political influence while others think it is simply because the man is sick in the head and should be confined in a mental clinic. Which ever school of thought we decide to go with, the truth still remains that something is terribly wrong somewhere.

If a child doesn’t feel safe and protected at home where does she turn to? If her father cannot protect her, who will? What becomes of the mothers/wives in this situation also what becomes of those that may in future be in this situation? Should they be overly protective of their daughters and cautious/suspicious of their husband’s relationship to their own daughters?


I know we're in the month of love and this is a very heavy and serious topic. But it is a reminder to reach out to those around us, not necessarily friends or lovers, and share some love. 

Have a good weekend, all.


  1. I listen to Chaz B's Show too and sometimes the confessions brings tears to my eyes. The absurdity of the things people do esp as regards incest is mind shattering. I think most times it's for ritual purposes. That still does not justify it. I feel so sad for the kids affected and they are often threatened by their father not to disclose what is happening to anyone. Even if they do, their mum might not want to believe. It's really sad. Thank God for the show, they @ least get to call and talk to someone.

  2. deeep(smh), Unfortunately, stuff like this are very much in existence....... I pray for a change of heart...

  3. I studied Psychology and I'm pretty much exposed to such issues...more tear jerking especially when the person with a traumatic experience was before you. And the only thing they ask was you to listen with empathy.

    Incest is normal, and a lot of people have been abused. Some "forget" they had been abused by burying it in their unconscious.

    Chaz B has a great show but most times he tries to see issues from a lame man point of view, saying what people already know. I can say for a fact, that's misleading.

  4. The realities of the wicked world we live in

  5. Oh my! Exactly the same question I have. "Why?"
    Seriously, why would someone even harbor a thought like that in the first place? How do you even come to terms with to be able go ahead and carry it out? Or maybe they don't even think about it. Sick world!

  6. As a father to a beautiful daughter, I cringe with revulsion at the thought of how callous and inhumane people could be. Truth is, it all boils down to outright madness, a punishment of which should be instant death. Even the Bible says so! Hmmm, what a crazy world we live in!

  7. Where can i listen to this Chaz B show? Is it online?

  8. I'm very sad for the kids affected, and totally revulsed at the level of perversion that caused it.
    My friend who works as a general surgeon in Lagos recently had a 13yo patient who had to undergo a d&c after being impregnated by her father. Horror of horrors!

  9. I agree with Chinwe. The thought of a father abusing his daughter is inconceivable and defies imagination. But these incidents are not new. What needs to be adopted is outrageously severe penalties that will deter any fathers thinking of molesting their daughters...BTW, who is ChazB? Where is the radio station based?

    1. He is an OAP with Inspiration FM. He is on the same station as my crush Wana Wana.

  10. There are two kinds of incest in Nigeria.
    The one where the father is doing it for ritual purposes (quite common amongst some of our society big wigs but such issue are best left for the gossip blogs) and the ones where the father has a psychiatric disorder.
    I am a father to a most loving girl and the possibility of her being defiled by anyone makes me cringe with fear and gets me worried.However, the possibility of me defiling her or a father like me defiling his son/daughter is beyond the scope of my imagination.
    I don't get some fathers. Protecting my daughter is like my number 1 duty in life.



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