Saturday, February 25, 2012

When in Love, Age is just a Number. Isn't it?

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Now, let's put aside visa issues and whether that was the reason for the couple above to get hitched. What I want to ask is; Is it impossible for a young man to fall in love and marry an older woman and vice versa? I think that though it is uncommon, it does happen sometimes. Say the older woman is independent and takes care of herself, and that is what the younger guy needs in his woman. Or an older man is much more mature and has a ecletic knowledge, and that is what the younger woman finds attractive in men. I know age differences beyond 30 years may be pushing it, but surely 15 to 20 years is not so bad?

There are things that attract people to each other apart from looks, and really, apart from what society expects, age is usually the last thing on one's mind when we're talking basic attraction. Let's imagine this scenario, you see a guy, he looks OK, and you both strike up a conversation which goes on and on... you feel so comfortable and in tune with each other. Or a guy meets a woman, she is a fantastic cook and very caring, maybe he was in hospital and she's a nurse or doctor. When do they ask each other their ages? What if they had already fallen in love by then?


I'm terrible at telling how old someone is, simply by looking at their faces but I know some people who are very good at that, and probably this won't be such a big deal for them. I used to say five years was my cut off age, plus or minus, but it didn't exactly happen like that. And yeah, I would have dated a guy younger than myself. Anyway, Atala is 8 years older than me, and I find that it's not such a big deal when you factor in other compatibility issues, like your likes, interests, temperament, etc.

Do you have a cut off age? What's the maximum difference you can do?







32 comments:

  1. No i would not cut age difference,5yrs older would not be bad..anyway i`m talking out of love,in love you dont really care..lol *wouldn`t date granny though*

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  2. The 'science' (link: http://m.rstgk.com/x4sUlG) - and I use that very loosely - suggests that an age difference of 5 years in favour of the bloke is ideal.. But I suspect deep down it all boils to where people are on the continuum of life, and where there really is a strong attraction, concerns about age take the back stage..

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  3. Didi..lol at not dating a granny but I agree with you tho.
    I had a fling with a 49 year old man,yes,he is married,t'was one of my adventures but that was when I knew that I wouldn't date someone within my age bracket,you have to be at least 7 years older than me,the difference is clear between boys and men and I have lots of flings with boys younger than me,it sucks,they don't even know what love is,they think it's what they see,and you roll with them for a while and you realise that emotionally,they are porous

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    1. Hmmm...I guess we are supposed to turn a blind eye to the fact that you nonchalantly threw out the fact that you dated a married man? One of your adventures. Alright. I don't see how that little fact added to your point other than to irritate people. I know Myne doesn't like controversy and she might probably delete this comment BUT! I just had to say something. Have some respect for yourself.

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    2. Gretel my dear, we are talking about Love here, not flings... HAHA | Chai, u like flings o. lol

      - LDP

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    3. THANK YOU Dame Sting for calling her out and the way she threw it in there so casually "yes he is married" as if it was no big deal! Anyway as for the age thing as long as i get you and you get me i have no problem with either a younger or older man maturity doesn't necessarily come with age most times so as long as we share stuff in common am good to go. The only reason why i wouldn't date a significantly older man is because of the sex.....i mean a sixty year old dude cannot exactly twist and turn the way say a thrity something year old dude can........

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    4. Was going to give a long reply to this but Dame Sting and Mimi already have. I therefore rest my case. Wrong on all levels

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  4. One more thing...you said if you meet an ok guy/woman,that guy in that picture is so not ok,everybody wants to be able to show off his/her partner and be proud of him/her. Those two people???

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  5. I think that where you are in life (in addition to being compatible mentally, emotionally, socially, sexually etc) is a little bit more important than the age...unless the age difference can land you behind bars lol.

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  6. It's been VERY hard for me to even consider dating someone younger than me. My Nigerian brain just thinks that a man should be older than the woman. Liberal me knows better but i just can't do it! The best i have done so far is "talk" to someone 2 months younger than me and it was a struggle. I currently have someone a little over 2 months younger than me trying to talk to me and my biggest stumbling block is his age. I tease him all the time that he's trying to make me the older woman. I don't know though, maybe one day i will get to a point where i can comfortably date someone younger than me without giving it a second thought, but i'm not there yet. I'm trying.

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    1. dame sting just 2 months? lol u gotta loosen up a little.with all your miss liberal stuff like when it comes to gays and other shit you refused to add the 'age' thing to the modern woman you've become?

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    2. U no see say i say i dey try? Read again. I have a strong personality but have no desire to boss any guy around. Most guys younger than me are not the most mature people to deal with, so it would be hard to "respect" them.

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    3. I seriously agree with you. I can't date a guy I can't respect. And truly my mate or younger? I can't respect. That's asides the fact that they most likely won't be as matured as I am. I don't need someone that the moment I "bark" (for lack of a proper word to use) starts "trembling". As an individual, you know yourself and what you can take.

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  7. for me i don‘t like when the guy is much older. the max i can actually do is 2 years i.e someone within my age range or even my agemate, who grew up with most of the things i grew up with n can understand why i love some of the things i do.
    some of my friends tel me, no the guy shld be five years older and above, older guys r mature blah blah. but i‘ve seen older guys that behave like children n guys my age dat r very mature. so...
    as for younger guys ermmm...dunno

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  8. Age is indeed just a number but I would not date a younger person for the fact that If he makes a tiny mistake that i would've otherwise over looked i may term it "immature" and I dont want to bruise a man like that too often....so I rather he's older with a minimum of 2yrs and maximum of 7. I'm that particular about age and yeah I married someone within the range *grin*

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  9. Hmm. Good question and one that I hadn't really paid attention since my younger years where, at the age of 16, I once dated a 32 year old woman.

    I'm 39 now and my lady friend is 32 so maybe it would be hard for me to seriously date (expecting a successful relationship) a woman under 30. And over 50 would probably be pushing the limit.

    Regardless of whatever else we might have in common.

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  10. I think older and not elderly is the operative word. There should be limits. When you get married it's not just love but the package that makes us whole and I think when one partner is beyond their capacity fulfill certain milestones and demands out of life.

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  11. Myne, talking about age difference from the perspective of this couple is definitely 'child abuse' even if the court refuses to accept that. Well for me and age difference, I have seen that most men these days are immature whether they are 50 while some younger ones are more mature and smarter. I am one lady that have most interested guys being younger than me, the youngest to want to marry me is 3 years younger and I do not think it's a big deal any more. I have 2 close girlfriends who got married last year to guys exactly 5 years younger than they are - I bet you can never tell when you see them together. So for me Love triumphs all that age thing and more...my church also weds couples where the lady is older as long as any of them isn't older by more than 8 years. I think we have left the days of our fathers...many things are more flexible due to expanded knowledge. Thanks all!

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  12. I had a cutoff age of 2 years younger than me when I was dating, but that was because my younger brother is 3 years younger and the thought of dating someone the same age as my brother weirded me out! I never really thought about an upper age limit, but it turned out not to matter b/c my husband is 3 years older.

    A lot of the age difference thing is cultural, so my take is... if they're both consenting adults, truly in love, and willing to put up with all the strange looks and comments, then that's their business.

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  13. The trouble is that whilst there's a rule for a minimum age to marry (at least in civilised countries) but I don't know of any age limit. My view is that not all marriages these days are dictated by love, some are influenced by power, money, visa, peer pressure, family expectations etc. I would like to believe that when people have one or more of the above as their agenda for marriage, age is the last thing on their mind.

    Looking back now, I didn't really consider a particular age difference before I got married even though my preference was to marry someone within my age group. I'm 2yrs older than my wife but if I could turn back the hands of time, I would probably have chosen the same age gap. :-)

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  14. Hmmmm! I do mind! The youngest guy interested in me now is 10months older, α̲̅πϑ the eldest, 2yrs older, α̲̅πϑ methinks they're all too young. I'd prefer 4yrs α̲̅πϑ above, though the age doesn't automatically connote maturity. I'll just find it harder to give U̶̲̥̅̊ the respect U̶̲̥̅̊ deserve as a partner if I know I'm older than you.
    As for the couple above....I hope they both laid out their motives for the marriage from the start. If not, someone's gonna be messed up!

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  15. For me, age is not just a number o. But to some extent, I may not mind someone just months older than me but should the months clock 12months, its sure a no go area. I think one of the first questions I was always curious to ask when I was still single and out was, "How old are you?" either directly or indirectly. I will do my research to find out, before it is too late.

    Thumbs up to my man DiDi. I no dey date granny too o. Haba! lol

    - LDP

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  16. I have never been particular about age. I am more particular about maturity.

    I also think age difference becomes less important the older you are. A 45 yr old woman marrying a 35 yr old man - both will be at an almost level playing field and vice versa. 30 and 20 - less so.

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  17. Ha ha ha! Wonders AKA 'Ara' like Brymo's song. How I wish this couple could dance to the music of 'Ara'. Come on, he is not in love at all. Poverty is a disease but at least he will become a 'Britico' or British Citizen etc. He would then move on. The 'bobo' don try. This is a great grandmother...

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  18. Before I used to say no more than 5 myself. I have dated older, I have dated younger... The older you grow the less it matters... * As long as your still attractive to me...
    As far as dating someone 15-20 yrs older... Im not sure.. I want to grow old with someone... not catch up ...lol

    30yrs?! No way..My daddy's age mate? tww \
    lol

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  19. Hahaha, that couple is trending on blogger!
    My heart knows that age doesn't really matter when you like someone but my head won't let me date someone 2years older than me talk less of my agemate or a guy younger than me. To me, 3-10 years is the perfect difference because like Nonye said, if a guy is less than 3 years older than me it will be difficult me to respect him and very easy to attribute stuff he does to immaturity

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  20. I never dated anyone younger than me....my mate, yes.

    Hubby is 8years older and it works perfectly for me, we blend perfectly, its amazing how we belt out oldies from the 60's to the 80's and laugh about how old we are, but I guess its cos I've always been kindda older than my age.

    At the end of the day though, I think it depends on the maturity level both parties have attained. With maturity, i believe it can work out. However, the situation above, hmmm, abeg, that one too much o

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    1. totally totally agree with!"I guess its cos I've always been kindda older than my age." cos that sums it up for me too....
      I am currently with someone 10years older (and quite frankly, that is my cutoff)...and it doesnt feel like it or even look like it sef.
      I was with someone a mnth older than I am at some point. Let's just say "Never again" sums up how that went.
      While I think maturity is a key function, we can't deny that maturity has a bit of age imbedded into its make-up. I cant date anyone younger than I am, majorly for the reasons Nonye and Sting gave.

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  21. Myne, what is that picture oh?? I still refuse to believe they got married, I said they were guests at someone's wedding, and I shall be in that denial for my own heart's sake! Whew!! What is the world turning into?? You guys cant possibly believe there is love here?

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  22. I concur with Dame Sting. I have a strong personality also and I can't be in a relationship with someone who is my mate not to talk of younger. I would end up bossing the person around (I did date my mate once and I knew I was the "man" in that relationship). I thought 2 years wouldn't be bad but dating a guy who is 2 years older and almost dating another who is also 2 years older, I knew anything less than 5 years was a no-no. Funny for both relationships, I ended them because I couldn't take the fact that I seemed to be the boss anymore. I grew up with the belief that the man has to be the "leader" and here I was "leading". And the person sef must be a strong and matured person. Fortunately I found both. 5 years and matured for which I am grateful and very thankful to God.

    Different strokes for different folks. Each person's personality, experience and background matter. Know a couple that between them is 10 years and they have one of the best relationships I know. They have been married for more than 40 years. I can't do that but some people won't mind. I think the max I can do is 7 years. I also know couples that are mates and the way the wife treats the husband with so much respect you would be amazed. Me? My personality won't allow that o. To be frank.

    To each his own

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  23. When the person is in their prime, you really don't notice an age difference of 10-15 years, but as the years begin to pass, well...

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  24. lol I am very particular about age, I don't know why, but I am and more than 7 years is too much... you're like an uncle to me at that point

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