Friday, February 17, 2012

Sex on the First Date - What's the Big Deal?

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First published on by Greatness4life

I’m sure all the 'Holier than thou peeps' are about to get their panties in a bunch just from the title alone, but, nonetheless I’m here to talk about having sex. And doing it on the first date - I mean doing it hard on the first date. I’m a 21st century woman, and a lover of sex.

I don’t consider myself an "ashawo" or anything like that but I do believe in sexual freedom, meaning if I want to have sex, I simply do gorgeously. I don’t need permission or clearance to do so. I’m sure some people have already called me names from my statement, but whatever.

I was having a discussion with a few friends over drinks (that’s when everyone was honest) and the issue of sex on the first date came up.

Oh!! Before I go into all that we discussed, let me give a mini story.

A while ago, one or two years ago, maybe.

I was introduced to a guy by a mutual friend via facebook.

A very good looking guy.

After a few messages and chats on fb.

We connected on BB, and chatted up a bit.

Over the next few days.

We talked and got to know each other better, and all that good stuff.

Eventually I agreed to go out on a date with him.

The date was as good as any date I had been on.

He was just as handsome as I expected via his pictures.

His look and body configurations captivated and ensnared my heart.

We talked about a range of topics, and he pretty much impressed me with his intellects, and vast knowledge on a lot of things.

This guy was very well rounded.

After dinner,

we headed to a bar,

had a few drinks,

Then we’re in the club dancing the night away, and I was having a good time of my life.

Slow dancing,

Extra touching,

Eyes fixing,

And, one thing led to another

In a nutshell, we found ourselves at his apartment making out on the couch.


Now at this point, the girl in me is thinking

“Slow Down”

But everything else points to letting things flow.

And let it flow, I did.

We had sex. I mean great sex if I may add.

That was beginning of a 15 months relationship.

We broke up eventually for numerous reasons but we remain friends.

Now, back to the present,

I told my friends of my sex on the first date and how it leads to my last relationship.

To my surprise I was judged by almost everyone.

The guys,

The girls,

And, I’m sure the bottles too.

“How could you?” was their yelling

“That’s ashawo behaviour”

“That’s probably why you guys didn’t last”

“He never respected you.”

You would think I offered to have sex with him for money on the first date.

I personally think that if it feels right, then go ahead with it.

I’ve done the whole “wait for the 3rd date” thing, and guess what?

After that date where we had sex, a few days later he was acting funny.

And a week or 2 later he was history.

I have friends who hold out for months.

Once the guy gets the nookie, he bails.

So really, what’s the big deal with having sex on the first date?

Why place so much emphasis on it?

I’m of the opinion that it’s only an immature and insecure man that’ll hold that against you.

One common statement I get from guys is

“Well if it was that easy for one guy, then maybe it’s easy for everyone.”


Not every guy is able to win me over like that.

One guy might take a few hours, and another might take 6 weeks.

It’s all based on chemistry to me.

Then again I might be wrong…

…I would think we would have gotten over this,

but in 2012 are we (women) still being judged by when we put out?

Guys, what’s your opinion of a girl you have sex with on the first date?

Ladies, would you have sex with a guy on the first date?


  1. In as much my opinion on sex and relationship has totally changed, but i totally agree with the writer. As long as the babe is doing it cos she wants to and doesnt expect it to turn into a relationship. That whole talk of if its easy for one guy it will be easy for the next guy is absolute crap.
    I have seen friends who held out for months and immediately the guy got into the cookie jar, before you could say "2nd round" the guy was no where to be seen again. And i've seen ppl who did it on the first date and got married later. Their is no hard and fast rule. its just to know the guy and yourself.
    And also it shouldnt be a habit, cos some babes out of desperation will think they are attracted to anything that has an appendage between his legs. That will only get you a reputation for handing it out like fliers. lol.

    1. oh yeah and another thing, whether you do it on the first date, 6months later or on your wedding eve all of them still fall into one category "fornication". so really judging someone on how fast she shagged a guy doesnt really make sense now does it. lol.

    2. True. We really shouldn't be so quick to judge.

    3. @ kiky, while I do not judge either u or the write, I just want to correct an impression:, sex on the wedding night is not Fornication.

  2. i just dont think you know anyone well enough on a first date to be sharing that much intimacy, i dont care what century we live in jare.

    1. But what if you've been communicating with the person over emails, chat and phonecall for several weeks or months before that?

  3. Pardon my French... its just nonsense!

    I mean... we're humans, not dogs!

    - LDP

  4. I am not very emancipated when it comes to sex my religion kinda adds to that fact too but i still wont judge anyone who shaggs on a first, second or seventeenth date.

  5. There are hormones, and there are emotions.

    1. you think first date sex falls into which one?

  6. Let's leave religion out of this for now.... I do not know a lot of girls that re waiting soo let's assume there is no scripture telling us to wait.

    Moving on, it depends on what sex means to the girl.. and sometimes, who the guy is.
    IT IS A NO-NO! IF YOU SENSE A PLAYER IN HIM!! I would only have sex with someone I am utterly totally comfortable me, sex is done with the mind, soul and body plus some girls are really shy, and am one of those lol. I also believe you don't get comfy with anyone on the very first date, you can not truly know him. some attraction? yes! BUT he might just want to keep your attraction level to him high...
    So if any girl is like me, she will wait... and hold self-control close to her heart... especially on the first date.

    BUT there are soo many spontaneous people out there. I have a few friends who WILL have sex on their first date. It doesn't make them sluts or dogs... It's the level of connection and how comfortable they are. From those girls tho, there is hardly a time the guy walks away...they usually do the walking away lol ....

    However, some other girls wait for a while, BUT immediately d guy gets it he WALKS...

    ..... it's a subjective topic ....

    1. I agree that it is totally subjective, to each their own. But why do some people judge?

  7. If you like, have sex on the first date, if you like, don't. At the end of the day, it is your business and cross. Straight to the question, it doesn't matter if he will walk right after he gets the nookie after the 5th date or 100th date, I WOULDN"T have sex with a guy on the first date.

    1. What if the guy was Denzel, or whoever is your hugest crush? :)

    2. I MIGHT kiss him, cuddle or cop one or two feels...(:D) on the first date..... to test waters. My vagina still stays out of bounds....:D

  8. Hummmm.... this is a tough one. even leaving morals and religion aside.... self esteem, pride and self respect matters. I personally will not feel right about sex on first date.

    1. I like that you removed it from the religion angle. We mix them all up sometimes.

  9. In this day and age, seeing as no aspect of our lives, our religion,our economy,NOTHING at all, is as it once was,I don't see why anyone should be prudish about this. As with many decisions we make in life, it is neither right nor wrong. It's just a decision.A personal one.So long as you can handle the consequences afterwards (whatever they may be). 3 dates with a guy in 1 week and you share your cookie. lol. what's the difference? Truth be told, more women do it on first dates than the ones who do not. They just do not say it as you have done.

    1. A lot of ladies indeed will never say their business out loud, though I think times are changing.

  10. Ashawo is a word I haven't heard in a looooooooooooooong time! LOL!

    Anyway, to each his own. If you wanna shag on the first date, feel free to do so as it's your God given free will and it's not the business of anyone to judge you. If you wanna shag 1 year after meeting, again it's your free will and nobody's right or business to judge! And if you don't wanna shag ever.....well, you don't know what you're missing.:)

    1. LOL...That was a hilarious way to end your comment. Loved it!

  11. I wont say anything directly about sex on first date but of all "sins" in the world "sex" is the most vilified.

    1. You can say that again. talk about original sin.

  12. If sex on the first date (which is a huge difference from sex after you first meet someone, ijs) is what you wanna do, then do it. I say, why let other people's hang-ups dictate what YOU wanna do. So long as you're not hurting anybody, keep doing you!

    1. GBAM! These days, with internet and gsm, there's a big difference between first physical date and first time you get to know someone.

  13. In the few relationships I had (before marriage), I never really judged any woman by sex on a first date or on a last date for that matter. It's different strokes for different folks I suppose. If you feel comfortable with it then go for it, if you don't then give it a miss.:-)

  14. Technically, that wasn't sex on the first date. Times have changed with technology. Before, you had to go on a physical date with a person to know them. But presently, with Facebook and Blackberry, you could know all about a person before physical interaction. I've chatted intimately with people I've never seen, I don't think sex on the first physical meeting should be considered as sex on the first date.

  15. To me, there's absolutely no big deal.. It's happened to me and I'm married to him.. How mature the person is upstairs..

  16. I appreciate your frankness, Myne. Honestly, I can't think of anyone I ever considered having sex with on the first date so it hasn't been an issue but would I....hmmm... :-)

  17. it's totally wrong.....holiness is the key

  18. interesting varying comments...

    well I guess I have a different mindset. I am not one to judge anyone but sha protection is needed ohh. Having said that, sex is a bigggg deal for me as inn.... so forget my comment should be reserved....

  19. Whoa sex on a first date,is not really a big deal issue 2my thinking hence the "connection flows" then go for it... And with ur explanation on ur moves n forms of ur date its not like u just meeting the guy, but u av been comunicating on FB and BB,its not like u met on street and next is sex hoops. Pls go for it once the "connection flows"... Cos I will... And I did it in my present relationship...

  20. Its a Subjective topic.... an Ex of mine, i had sex on the first date with her... but granted that our first date lasted more than 8 hours. sooo, by the end of the Date, i knew what her Grandmother's fav color was. And me and my Ex were together for a long while. i didnt respect her less because of that.

    Truthfully, if a man is going to run away after sex, it doesnt matter how long you make him wait.... A girl made me wait for a whole year b4 sex, and right after Sex, i did not want to see her ever again.

    i personally think that if there is chemistry, no need to play hide and seek with sex, im all for sexual expression when its done safely and discreetly, but this is just my opinion anyways. What do i know????

  21. Sex is a sensitive topic which many would shy away from. It takes courage sometimes to take a standpoint in the face of harsh criticism. Also, it is only fair and morally correct not to mislead with personal opinions. That being said, sex on the 1st date, 50th date, 1000th date, as long as it is before marriage is morally wrong - clearly spelt 'fornication'.

    Well that's my own candid opinion and I would love to hear contrary or concurring opinions on this interesting topic.

  22. If there was no God, no religion, no morality-in this anarchic world, sex; as long as the chemistry was right, the adults are consenting and laughter and bliss was present, would not warrant judgement from anyone. It would be 2 people happy and secure in themselves wanting to explore and enjoy the electrical fizz between them.
    however, there is a God who has set up rules, all for our benefit, in whom I believe and deeply love. So personally, my relationship with God is too precious for me to just lay my body down to be defiled by any man, chemistry or not. Now I use the word defile, because personally, pls note how I use the term personally, I have signed over my body to Jesus as a sacred, living temple and just as I don't defile it with junk food, tobacco, drugs or high spirits. so also would I not want to defile it with someone who most likely won't share my deep love of my Saviour, who might hurt me, leave me and break my heart.
    I don't enter relationships to do things that I only want to do with a man who I have proclaimed myself to in the presence of God and men. For me, there would be no distinction between the man with whom I have casually exchanged bodily fluids and my husband with whom the very act of sex is an exposure of my soul and heart. For what i have done with the former, I have also done with the later and to me, personally, that's not right. So no, I won't have sex on the first date or any other date.

  23. Interesting topic. I actually agree with her but I wouldn't even consider her experience as "sex on the first date"
    She had been conversing with the dude over a period of time so that already helped in building up her comfort level.
    If that be the case, Many pple in long distance relationships have sex on the first dates.

    Now all that aside, there are girls who date a guy for over a year and never give up the goods but meet another guy and within a week or even a day, are asking him how, when, and where he wants the goods. Practically begging for it too.

    So u see, sexual chemistry is a very serious something.
    The truth is sometimes, the body just works faster than the mind.

  24. If not for anything, at least for self-respect, dignity and all that, i think one should take it slow. I wouldnt do sex on the first date.

  25. If the chemistry is there, I would go for it. I have not done it before but currently I am exploring my sexual abilities so it might be no biggie

  26. As long as the sex is before marriage,am sorry its a no no, and its not even because think i am holier, my faith is a huge part of my life and it makes sense that way! no ringy no dingy!

  27. Truth be told we all love sex (@ least most of us) "religion aside" sex on the first date is not a crime as long as both parties are comfortable with it. It doesn't in any way make the lady an *ashewo* There's a guy i met we've been talking on phone & chat a lot on BB i know we'll definitely have sex when we meet physically even on the phone the chemistry is ... does dat make me any less a lady?

  28. (Though I'm responding more than 1yr after it was originally posted,my people say it's when a person wakes up,that is her own morning :D)

    Ok so,I had sex with my HUSBAND on the very first day I met him. Yep,the first night,no previous correspondence whatsoever. We met that day and we hit it off and by night,after we'd stayed up and talked late into the night,we started playing footsie under the table and the rest was amazing,no holds bared,mutual head giving,earth shattering sex! So I think this contradicts all the as-long-as-it's-not-serious-you-can-do-it-on-the-first-night theories. I don't think there's anyway to know from the first date if you'll end up spending a long time with a person or not. Just go with flow,do what feels right. I mean,don't pple have one nights stands? Or does that make you an 'ashewo'? For me it doesn't o. I don't think life is scripted to one particular module. Everybody with their own. It depends on what the attraction for each individual is. I love slim,physically fit,intelligently witty men,they are an absolute turn on for me.

    I've dated a guy and didn't have sex with him for nearly 3 months,mostly because the attraction wasn't so much at first,and we dated for almost 4years and in the end,we split and didn't remain friends.

    Life is what you choose to make of it. It's no one's place to sit in judgement of what another decides to do with their sexual freedom. Sex is very AMAzING and should be enjoyed whenever,wherever,however and with whom ever each person deems a suitable and willing accomplice.

    Enjoy. ;)

  29. I think the reason why this is such a big issue with most girls is because we think that it's only the woman who is at fault in situations like this. Holding out on sex should not be to prove that you're not a slut, it's to give you the chance to see if the man is who you want, that's if you're looking for something long term. It's also to help you steer the man in the direction of getting to know you for everything you are and not just your antics in the bedroom. Most men will take sex from just about any attractive woman if they offer it but that doesn't mean that they want to stay with you for life. My point is, if you want a long lasting relationship, hold out. they won't admit it, but they'll respect you for it. Good men still want to work for what they get.

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