Wednesday, December 7, 2011

White Trousers no go put me for trouble!

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Dat morrin as I wan baff na so I dey put ear for dis babe music, Omawunmi, dat song wey she sing say, ‘If you ask me, na who I go ask?’ My madam don comot tey tey and I know say before she go come back e go still tey, so I say before I baff make I carry my body go upstairs for her and oga room. E get one fine white trouser wey she buy and I be one go taste am because I hear say person yansh dey come out well well for white trouser especially if you no wear pant or you wear g-string. Before I go continue my tori make I talk about my madam and oga dem.

My Madam: She no too good, she no too bad. Sometimes when I go market come back late, she no go even send me. She go just talk say, “Ehen, I know you went to see your boyfriend. Thank God you didn’t stay too long. Now hurry into the kitchen, my baby would soon be back.”

And sometimes when I wash clothes and the ting still get small stain, she go talk say, “You are too dirty Mary, sometimes I wonder if your undies are even clean”; and the annoying ting be say na infront of oga she go shout the whole ting so tey my oga come dey look me one kain.


My Oga: He no too good, he no too bad. Na to dey blow grammer up and down like say im be professor, but I hear say im no even finish unifersity say as im papa die, d guy jus use im papa money push im business so tey the business come grow yakata, now my oga na big man. The man no dey eye me o, na jus jeje all of us be for house.

Myself: Eferibodi know say I be cool babe. I no dey like wahala, na only to dey wish say one day I go be like my madam. I go get housemaid full ground. One go dey wash my clothes, another one go dey iron my clothes, another one go dey cook my food and the last one go dey go market, abi wetin man pickin want again for this world?

So make I continue my tori. As I enter dem madam room, I jus go straight to the wardrobe because I no wan waste time. I rush comot my wrapper, come wear the trouser. Omo men, if you see as the ting fine for my body ehn, you go wan tief me! Na as I dey comot the trouser na im I hear person dey come the room side. Omo, see as I dive enter the wardrobe, even Jackie Chan for give me award. The door open and as I hear my oga voice dey talk with im phone, e be like say dem pour cold water for my body, wetin I go talk say I dey do for dia room?

“Yes, it’s fine. I was thinking we could go for that art exhibition taking place at the art gallery.”

I no know wetin the pesin reply am but I hear as im laff.

“No, Tunde. I am married and you know I wouldn’t stray. If you bring that lady over to the exhibition, I may persuade wifey to come with me and that could be quite unpleasant for the lady and yourself. Quit trying to make me fall man, I wouldn’t do anything to hurt my wife. Look I’m going to put you on the speaker because I want to take off my clothes”

Chei, Oga abeg no comot your cloth, abeg! God where you dey? But e be like say even God dey use me play as my oga comot im cloth finish come even mess on top.

“You are crazy men! Why would you fart like that with me on speaker?” The voice from the phone ask my oga.

“Really, that’s a ridiculous question. I can do whatever I want in my house. Moreover I am alone.”

Abeg Oga you no dey alone o, no mess again abeg. Kai! The mess smell no be small. Shey na de food wey I dey cook dey make oga mess smell like this?

“Hey man, I’ve got to go. I want to have my bath and freshen up before wifey comes home. We’ll talk later.”

My oga cut the call come enter bathroom. I manage come outside as I say make I look for my wrapper wey I throw inside wardrobe wen oga dey come, na im one big abarra land for my back.

“So this is what you and my husband do, when I am not around?!”

All my body shock and piss nearly comot as I bin hear madam voice for my back. Una don forget say I no wear pant and my yansh jus chook outside as I bin wan bend down carry my wrapper. As I turn face madam, I jus weak because I know no how I wan take talk am. Make una helep me!

________

What to do, what to do?

This is a short story by Enoquin. Read more from her on Naijastories.

Vote for Naijastories to win $1000 towards our anthology at the World of Betters website.




32 comments:

  1. lwkmdfh...........the mata get as e be o
    *now singing 'if yu ask me.........'*

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  2. Ok,i am laughing out loud.The fact that it was written in pidgin makes it even cooler.

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  3. Beautiful story, Myne. Your use of Pidgin was also beautiful.

    I have a story in Pidgin and bits and pieces of Yoruba. Maybe one day, there'll be a Pidgin book.

    Lovely, lovely, lovely story.

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  4. oh my goodness, this got me cracking up... chai!!! which kin tory dem go talk now?

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  5. This is really interesting an engaging...I was practically laughing out loud and could picture the whole scenario. Goo job Enoquin!

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  6. Kai! Dis one no get answer o! Wetin the poor oga go talk now wey madam go gree hear? Chei! This one na real kasala!

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  7. o my goodness, this is hilarious, its yawa menh!

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  8. LOL!!!

    I enjoyed reading this story- in pidgin for that matter.

    Chei! see wahala!

    omo men, is there part 2???

    LOL

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  9. Definitely a hilarious story. We're still begging Enoquin for a Part 2.

    @Nakedsha, I didn't write the story. I wish I were so fluent in pidgin too :)

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  10. ROTFLMAO. I loved the flow of the pidgin and I could just pix everything. LMAO.

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  11. Thanks Cor and Che, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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  12. @Enoquin, I like the story but on Naija Stories you mentioned Mary. So the story is not yours? Why not put Mary's name as the by-line?

    If it becomes a novel, it would sell but novel writing is a long journey. She could try to submit her short story in a short story anthology.

    What money was Mary asking for? Money for the competition that she is yet to win or what? Some people are greedy o.

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  13. @LA, Mary is the name of the character in the story :)

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  14. The flow of pidgin was awesome. It just pulled me right in.

    The matter get as e be ooo! Make the girl confess wetin she come do for room.
    And make madam release am before her husband go see her nakedness oo.

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  15. I love the pidgin style. I'm only wondering how the wife will believe her story. lol. Nice one!

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  16. LMAO!!! This is a fantastic piece. so hilarious. i love the fact the writer used pidgin and there is nothing that girl will say that the madam or anybody will believe.
    www.secretlilies.blogspot.com

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  17. lolz...madam might not even listen to oga's pleas that he is innocent...hehehehe, u have had me laughing since

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  18. Great story ..great plotstructure...

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  19. man this is so so funny rotfl...Love it!

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  20. Wow! All I know is im reading the last line.....and wanting to read more......very interesting read!

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  21. lool...too funny....

    hhahahahahaha.... too funny..

    smh what will she do???

    thanks for sharing...

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  22. HAHHHHAAAA.I cant stop laughing. oh you are good. This is hilarious

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  23. Omg!!! Can't belive this! Its so hilarous. Thank God I read it after work. Ah! I'm stil laffing insde

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  24. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.

    This is freaking hilarious!! I'm laughing so hard right now!

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  25. Gosh...I enjoyed d story freaking hilarious,is dere a continuation?wld love to read if dere's

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  26. Priceless! And so so funny. Na de hubby I pity pass as im dey innocent. Damn good writing!

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  27. Lwkmd! Singing *if u ask meeeee, nah hu I go ask? The mata wey we see so* uhmmm am lost! Nice write up! Kip it up!

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  28. Chai! TOri don spoil. Where part 2 na...

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  29. Wow! Just stumbled on this, perhaps I should google my name more often. Thanks for publicizing this...

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