Tuesday, November 22, 2011

How to Recognize a Player?

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Babs from my upcoming manuscript has got me thinking of players. But funny thing was, when I typed "who's a player" on search, it threw up links to players in sports, including wiki for Most Valuable Player. Of course, I meant a player in the dating game. Isn't it funny how life and society rewards people who play the best game, those who do whatever it takes to win. In dating however, many different opinions abound.

Some people say dating is a game, and so they need to play their best game, or play by the rules. Others say dating should only be a precursor to a steady relationship, like a long-term romance or marriage, and so no hanky-panky should be allowed. Players, and there are both male and female, definitely excel at hanky-panky, and in dating, some of them are as follows;

- They usually don't pick or answer their phone in the presence of their current partner.
- They usually do not like PDA, or may blow hot and cold depending on who's looking. The male player wants to show off to his mates, but not when other girls are around. Same with the girl.
- The above also goes with how they answer your phone, sometimes with all the sweet words, and other times, can't wait to get off your phone with no "I love you" or goodbye.
- They usually have at least one back-up to the person they're dating. Sometimes more. Have you heard of the guy with one lady for each day of the week, or the one with a guy in every city she visits?
- They're usually good looking, and they know it - checking in glass doors or car mirrors, going to the bathroom to powder, looking in their compact half the time.
- Their relationships usually don't last too long, either they want to move on, or their partner gets tired of the little games they play.
- They rarely want to take dating to the next level, so for them meeting your friends or family is a no-no
- They are usually very charming, they know all the right words to say, all the buttons to press. You're putty in their hands before you even say hi back.

I've come full circle cos the last describes Babs to a tee. Even Dunni's cousin describes him as a perfect gentleman. So the book will also be asking, can a player change? Can he settle down with one woman? We shall see.

In the mean time, do you know any players? Have I missed out any details? Please share.


  1. This won't apply to all, but I think some players are willing to be 'played'. That is, they know they're not serious with you, so they don't mind your not being serious with them.

    I met a guy once who pretty much said he was willing to be my 'guy on the side'. Now if that's not a player I don't know who is.

  2. A true Player doesn't go for everything that crosses his path. But don't tempt him.
    Once a Player, always a Player.
    He locks the game away when he meets a woman that overstands what goes on in his mind, and makes him her Player for life.

  3. I think everyone has the ability to change. All it takes is the right person or the right consequence. And mostly i think it depends on why someone is a player in the 1st place. If a guy has gotten his heartbroken and decided that every woman after will suffer his wrath (which is often the male way *rme*) then he might be a little harder to break than the guy who is just acting a certain way to impress his friends.

  4. A leopard never changes its spot. Once a player, always a player. I rest my case :)

  5. Players never call you by name, they use endearments, so they don't mix up names. Plus instead of saying I love you too, they say me too.

  6. loling@ Okeoghene's comment. Word!!

    Myne, your post brought to mind Ryan Gosling's character in the movie 'Crazy Stupid love'. he was the embodiment of a player. I have often wondered that if that was real life, would he really stay in love and happily married?

  7. LMao.. @ Okeoghene....reminds me of my ara oko aunty who replied "same to you" to her then-fiance's "Love u"...smh!

    On the flip side, some players actulally hum the right tones. They give the impression of soemthing serious,chip in baby talks once in a while, get to meet your friends...but leave u hanging.
    Please, can you tell me the difference between a douche-bag, player and jerk?
    They all sort of sound the same to me.

  8. Dunno whether a player changes for real even when he/she meets the right partner. I know a guy, years ago, who had a girl in every city he visits and he was happily married!

  9. This former n-sync guy...what's his name again? yeah! Justin Timberlake. That's one heck of a player!

  10. @Uche, I agree with you, that is definitely a player.

    @think-about-it, her player for life? You mean someone who'll accept his games with other women?

    @LadyNgo, I think they can change too, even the guy with his heart broken. It just takes the right person.

  11. @Naija4life, maybe they will change. If sinners can repent, why not?

    @Okeoghene, first time I hear that, lol...me too?

    @Ginger, I never did go to see Crazy Stupid Love, had to chose. But yeah, I remember him in the trailers. I have to watch it when it comes out on DVD.

  12. @HoneyDame, that is so true, and those can be the hardest players to resist, and the ones who'll break hearts the worst. I think the douche bag and jerk are less subtle than the player, but sometimes, the results are the same.

    @Hazel, did you say he was happily married? I doubt that his wife was happy about his kurukere moves o.

    @Lara, why do you say he's a player? I'm a fan of Justin T since his boy band days, lol...

  13. Recognising a player won't stop him/her from getting what he/she wants.

  14. Wow wow wow
    This is going to be hot. I can't wait for this book :)

    About the subject of players, I guess every player has it's own kind of game. Some of them do not want the subject of anything serious to be mentioned, they stay off it as much as possible, while others even go the extra mile of telling you exactly what they want and don't want. They aren't looking for anything serious and they sound it out in clear terms and then there's the most interesting group of them all, the ones that give you the impression that it's you. They don't say it directly but they try to give you ideas.
    E.G. "You're so pretty, our kids will be so perfect."
    They know what you want to hear and they say it.

    It's all about the game and they know better than to stick to a single way LOL

  15. Or the partners get tired of the games and usually move on. I wholeheartedly agree, and would like to admit that I once lived such a life myself. Mainly due to being "hurt" by a woman I truly loved and the fear of perhaps experiencing that same feeling in the future.

    In the end, NOTHING compares to a good committed relationship.


  16. The listed aren't all obtainable these days.Things have evolved in the 'playing' game.For instance,real playas these days let you got through their phones because it's never the primary but backup phone.Again,meeting the folks is a piece of cake for them,it doesn't mean commitment as far as they're concerned.

  17. Interesting comments. Funny, true and thought-provoking.The world of players must really be a complex one at that.

  18. @ Myne. Not a woman who will accept his games. A woman that recognizes what would drive him to other women AND make sure he gets all that right there with her.
    It is a lot of work but she gets to keep her player. Not many women can boast of that.

  19. Hello all and thanks for a wonderful platform to describe what you feel about what a player is. Well i definitely agree with your points as they must be true and real for you so technically i succumb to them. But i must add in retrospect that players abound in the relationship game and it is what it is cause men are men.

    When two or three women gather, they do their best not to gossip but end up doing exactly that but when men get together, there count their score in all area of life which includes money, finance, education, women, gadgets and so on. We rate our skills from the concept of scoring and when you score a beautiful one, you are top rated until another beats you to game.

    Ladies, i will just suggest that you allow yourself be a closer friend to your man for a very long time and seek to know what his intentions are with you, if you are game, then i am sorry but if you are for real, he will definitely be nervous around you and that is where you should never mess him up cause if you do, some other ladies like you will reap the reward of your lackadaisical acts. Stay blessed and be wise.

  20. u got me *covers face*

  21. Most of the comments here are targeted at guys as players but I biliv dat girls are beta players..at least a guy is expected 2 be a player frm the onset buy a girl can look so Innocent & harmless so there wont be any suspicion dat she can be a player..looks can be very deceiving..She will cover her tracks so well dat u will neva suspect..she will say 'he is jst a friend' but are banging each other..As far as I'm concerned, wateva a man can do, a woman does far beta..dat includes bin a player..


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