Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Playing Second Fiddle to your Man's Job

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Read the following story and tell me if you think Vonny did the right thing. What would you do in her shoes?
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I was feeling real good and was headed out to Beck's Lounge for a little hang time with my gals. As I strolled leisurely along Torres Avenue, someone bellowed my name. I turned and........Christ, I haven't seen this guy in months!

"Steeeeeve!" I screamed as we both ran to hug each other. We were still busy forming 'long lost love' when a car horn blared, forcing us off the middle of the road. Never mind the driver's cursing, Steve and I had a lot to catch up on. With my initial date temporarily forgotten, we headed to the closest eatery. I was still filling Steve in on 'what's new' when my three phones started buzzing all at once. With profuse apologies, I placated my gals and then agreed to come back to Steve in two hours.

My friends were sulking when I got to Beck's Lounge. I apologized again and soon enough, we were 'sniffing' up some Smirnoff with nkwobi while updating each other on other people's relationships- you know the girl gossip thingy now. Two hours flew by quickly and my pals made faces when I told them I had to leave.

As I walked off, one of them yelled, "Vonny, na man dey make you run leave us, shey?"

I chuckled and thought, how true that is. As I got into a cab, I began reminiscing on my first meeting with Steve several months ago.

My computer has been blanking out on me repeatedly in the past few days, causing me to lose some of my work each time. So that last day it happened, I took it as the perfect excuse to see my gal-buddy, Rebecca, and drag her to lunch with me. Now Rebecca owns Becca ICT Inc. so of course, my laptop will be fixed with no charge. As I climbed up the stairs to Becca's, a guy darted from a corner and ran into me, causing me to drop my laptop. He apologized profusely but it was of no use, my laptop was gone! Becca was out in seconds, apologizing and offering to get me another. The guy was one of her staff so the loss made Becca feel really bad. We still got to talk a bit as I picked a new one, but couldn't go for lunch.

I was over at Lagoon restaurant the next day, waiting for my brother so we could have our once-a-month dinner when I spotted the guy from Becca's office, strolling in. I bowed my head hoping if wouldnt see me.

"Hello there. We didnt get properly acquinted yesterday. I am Steve. Do you mind if I join you till your guest arrives?"

He didnt wait for a reply and note, he didnt say anything about my laptop. My initial thought was to throw him off but I changed my mind and he turned out to be a lot of fun. After an hour, it was more than apparent that my brother had stood me up, so we just went on enjoying the evening.

By now you may have guessed that Steve and I became a little more than friends but that's it! We have never been able to move past there- which is nowhere. Barely two months after the incident with my laptop, Steve left Becca's to start his own company. I was ecstatic! We got along great but Steve was so into his company that there was no room for 'us' to exist. Three months after he started his company, I got called out of Lagos for two months to voice a 3D animated movie, and we became lost in our separate worlds.

Once out of the taxi, I strode towards the eatery, barely able to contain my excitement. At the door, I stopped short. Steve was already sitted inside, waiting for me. Looking at him through the glass door now, I felt it wrong to walk in there and more or less, start all over again. Steve is the best but he is married to his work. He is the kind of guy you might have to date(alongside his job) for six years before he marries you, only to play second fiddle to his job.

The thought of it all overwhelmed me with sadness. I slowly let go of the door handle I had been holding and walked away.

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This is a short story by Evon Pink, and she blogs at Maxi Express! If you have any stories or articles you want to share here, contact me.








15 comments:

  1. Walking away? not a good idea.I think she should have gone in and talk things out so they know where they are at and get past the current level..I believe if you dont deal with whats bordering you, you wont be able move on thus stopping you from getting something much better..

    For her peace of mind, its better to deal with it once and for all than always wondering i shoulda coulda woulda..

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  2. Walking away was wrong... what if that was the moment she had been waiting for?
    It doesnt always have to end up in a relationship, friendship is valuable too!

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  3. I guess walking away was right for her. It's easy to say its wrong but a man married to his work is not the best of companions and in trying not to let it affect his marriage, he shields u from his work, indirectly creating more vacuum! It's ok for some women. For some, its totally unacceptable.

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  4. hmm..she did what she thought was best for her.

    talking it over with him would have been great so she can set her expectation. at least that way she would know she did all she could...

    Generally i think it depends on what you are looking for in a man, some women don't mind , while some can't handle it. Is it a price you are willing to pay? Being second fiddle if you get married to a workacholic

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  5. I was soo Looking forward to reading this post but I had to leave in annoyance. Don't worry it is not directed to the post (Never that).
    But the video adverts that are now included on your page. The start at the most accord times and disrupt my reading. I cant always remember to turn my laptop down and I just got caught at work.
    I avoid usually avoid sites that have talking adverts but I like your blog so Im commenting on it. Not sure if others feel this way but
    Pls try and change them. it takes away from the blogs appeal.

    Will try reading later when I get ...

    :-)

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  6. Hi Nikki, thanks for calling my attention to that. I will look into why the audio because it is not supposed to play automatically. Sorry for the inconvenience.

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  7. I think it was premature to judge so soon that he was married to his job. Starting a business is never easy, and the first few years would be particularly tasking for any business. Methinks she should have given it/him more time. But what do I know?

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  8. I think she shouldn't have walked away. She gave up on him way too easily and might have just lost out on a wonderful relationship. That's just my two cents.

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  9. People should give each other more chances sha

    Adiya
    http://museorigins.com

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  10. Sorry, but I read the story twice and I couldn't understand the girl's reasoning for thinking the guy is married to his job. I also don't understand why she walked away the way she did. It all seems like a case of presumption to me on the girl's part and that is exactly what is killing some otherwise good relationships.

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  11. I think that this was a missed opportunity. Who we WERE isn't always who we ARE. He might a completely different man at this point. And even if he isn't, they could still be friends. I think she was being a bit presumptuous to even assume that a relationship rather than friendship is what he was after too. The least she could've done was hear him out.

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  12. I'm with everyone here who thinks she shouldn't have just walked away. Connections are valuable and it doesn't have to be a relationship.

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  13. I believe Vonny did what she believed was best for her. Note that from the very beginning, she had reservations about Steve. He came across as offstandish to me (he breaks her laptop and never offers to replace it even when he got his business going. He meets her the next times after breaking her laptop and says nothing of it - even though he apologized profusely already) and i believe she was unsure of the direction of their relationship from the very beginning. I believe it is true that when you go looking for trouble, trouble finds you just as much as if you go looking for flaws, you are bound to find them. She wanted to believe Steve was married to his job, but it runs deeper than that. First impressions - she never got over hers of Steve. I know its a stretch, but that's how i see it:-)

    'm not really sure what to make of this story, but everybody seems to be focused on her "walking away" so i'll follow the crowd just this once.

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  14. I believe Vonny did what she believed was best for her. Note that from the very beginning, she had reservations about Steve. He came across as offstandish to me (he breaks her laptop and never offers to replace it even when he got his business going. He meets her the next times after breaking her laptop and says nothing of it - even though he apologized profusely already) and i believe she was unsure of the direction of their relationship from the very beginning. I believe it is true that when you go looking for trouble, trouble finds you just as much as if you go looking for flaws, you are bound to find them. She wanted to believe Steve was married to his job, but it runs deeper than that. First impressions - she never got over hers of Steve. I know its a stretch, but that's how i see it:)

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  15. She made the decision best for her at this point in time. maybe they'll have another chance..who knows.

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