Monday, August 29, 2011

Re: Mercy Johnson - Marriage and Divorce in Nigeria

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I read some of the drama that preceded Mercy Johnson's wedding on Linda Ikeji's blog, and it got me thinking about marriage, and how some Nigerian women view the institution, viz-a-viz divorce. Note the last response by the first wife.
Linda, I can give you my lawyer's number, please call him and ask him if he signed any divorce papers or if he was in court on Tuesday. I'm still legally married to Prince Odi Okojie, I have not returned any bride price and if Mercy Johnson wants to marry him, let her go ahead. She should just know that she's a second wife.

Now, I didn't read all the posts, but from when the story broke, I was interested by this lady's story. She claimed to be the wife of the man a popular actress was about to get married to (in a 3-day Jamboree)  with photo and documentary evidence that proved the man had actually married her by law and custom.

See, I believe in true love and happily ever after, when both people involved are fully invested in the relationship. If it stops working, or becomes abusive, I accept that separation and/or divorce could be the healthier way forward. The only caveat being that the man and woman ensure that the physical and mental wellbeing of any children are considered, during the split and in the future (this includes custody and child support).

Back to Mercy Johnson/Prince/Lovely and my thoughts. I think the court marriage in Italy probably does not hold water as the certificate shows a fake name. On the customary marriage, Prince tried to obtain a divorce by due process but Lovely is crowing that her lawyer and family were not in court and so the decree was not granted. I don't see her saying she still loves the man. She actually says she doesn't want him back and no where did she mention child support.

Still, it seems Mercy and Hubby did not go on with the registry wedding. Mercy, with rumors that she is pregnant, and the Prince say the white and traditional weddings will go on as planned.

My question is: Why all this palava?  Was all this noise solely to humiliate Mercy Johnson? Hmm...I started out feeling sympathetic for Lovely and her quest for justice, but now I'm left with a bad taste in my mouth. You don't want to be married, you don't want to be divorced, you just want to be titular first wife? SMH. Why do some women want to hold on to a dead/dysfunctional relationship, or instead of working on it and talking with THEIR MAN, they play "the other woman" card (aka she stole my man)? #oldstory

Finally, as far as you're not breaking any laws, being a second wife is not a new thing, neither is it something to be ashamed of. Ask the millions of second wives in America. :)

Comments are very welcome, especially from those who see it differently. Thank you.






60 comments:

  1. Hi Myne, i dont see it differently bt i hope my comment will b welcomed...lol

    i tot of Lovely's motive in making evrytin public wen i read her last comment about 'mercy can go ahead' since it didnt bother her dat much, why didnt she hv a talk wit mercy & all involved privately? why did struggle in such a manner for a man who obviously despises her? its really laughable that she tried to stop a man who probably found d "love" she cudnt giv him in anoda woman and went about it d way she did.
    she only succeeded in making d weddin more popular dan it wud hv been. i only hope d dramas are over cos i also read of a strange psyco woman acting up at d church gate on d wedding day...lol

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  2. I’m with you Myne, as much as I feel sorry for Lovely, I hate the fact that she has become so vengeful. She did not say anything all these while up until a month to the wedding, she doesn’t want the man back, yet she did all she could to destroy their reputation, forgetting that this man is still the father of her kids.
    People get divorced every second, and people marry 2nd, third and even fourth wives. This is not the first and it won’t be the last. Vice versa too, women marry 2nd and third and fourth husbands as well.
    I think she took it too far, and it screams of revenge.

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  3. Some do it for the name... They just want to hold on to the name... HEARTLESS! STUPID! CRAZY! Those words best describe such people.

    - LDP

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  4. Initially when I heard the gist, I wondered why "Lovely" waited this long to come out to "claim her man". Where was she when all the underground currents was flowing freely? Come off it, that babe should wake up and smell the coffee! It is clear that she no longer has feelings for Prince.

    Have a lovely week ahead Myne!

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  5. I totally agree with you there Myne. At first, i sympathized with her but now i feel she's enjoying and even feeding on and fuelling the drama. SHe just being a vindictive and bitter woman as far as i'm concerned. As for everyone else, my suggestion is why don't we stop crying more than the bereaved. BTW, you know how they say Misery loves company, Lovely (or is it Lovelyn)is acting that scene out well.

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  6. Like u, i initially was on Lovely's side but as time went on it started to seem like she was just out for blood. I guess that's how she chose to handle the situation. Rejection can be a bitter pill to swallow.

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  7. We can really say much about this, as one does not what has gone on before all these. We don't know if the husband was snatched or if she has been warning them before, we don't know anyone's motives. We know so little to make our own judgements about the whole thing

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  8. The issue is just annoying.As far as i'm concerned though,the other woman is just being a female dog.The thing sef na ny force? Ah ahn!

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  9. This is exactly what I said to my friends and even posted on linda's blog (as an anonymous of cos, anonymous drama on that blog is second to none :d)

    Anyways, i'm not one of those that think Mercy shouldn't have gone ahead with the wedding. It would have been a different ball game if Lovely was still "in love" with the man or still wanted him but for crying out loud, why is she still holding on to the marriage but yet not wanting the partner? and why didn't anyone represent her in court?

    That's why i was upset about the Nigerian women council people that said they would go and upstage MErcy's wedding. For what nah? they had better go and hold their own homes tight and attend to their children.

    After awhile, Lovely no longer had a case cos she was not able to express what she wanted/wants in clear terms!

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  10. Thing is...if d prince and lovely were married the I guess lovely has a right to feel the way she does. She is only bitter. If another woman comes, would it be wise of us to telll Mercy, 'oya ur time is up d man doesn't want u anymore' and then thats it? cos it seems like that is what is happening.

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  11. @Sisi yemmie - Yeah Lovely has a right to feel bitter but what do you do when a man has told you in clear terms that he doesn't want you? won't you free him? why hold on and be in a relationship where you are not happy and the guy doesn't want to be in it? that's just the part i'm not feeling cos if a man does not want u, chikena let him pack his things. There are a million and one others who are ready to treat you right. That doesn't mean a woman should be changing men up and down but there's a level of rubbish every woman should take.

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  12. Some women just love drama e.g Lovey.

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  13. Just to say...I don bin comment on dis post for facebook...yes, I dey ur side jor.

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  14. Just to say...I don bin comment on dis post for facebook...yes, I dey ur side jor.

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  15. I'm sorry, I was never on the ex wife's side. Unless I'm missing something (I only just read about the whole wedding palaver on Linda's blog a few hours ago), Mercy must have been with the man for a while. I saw a post a few months old of her searching for a wedding dress. This means that the ex wife must have known for a while about the relationship. Why not try to sort out your differences between yourselves? Why go to the press to tell your side of the story?.

    It didn't work, you don't love him so why not contact him to divorce him or even better yet, contact her direct to talk about any differences that have come to light so things can be solved amicably.

    I don't particularly care for Mercy Johnson but a wedding day is meant to be the happiest day of your life. Like other people said and she has herself, she isn't interested in being with him any more. The whole thing just reeks of desperation and a sick lack of loyalty to your fellow woman.

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  16. I've been hearing everyone talk about the women, but what about the man? He needs to take some of the blame for what has transpired over the last few days. Granted I do not know what kind of relationship he had with Lovely, but what kind of man does such a thing to his wife (ex-wife?)and children? The way he has handled the whole issue says a lot about his character.

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  17. mS MYNE....God bless you, like seriously bless you. I still don't get what this lovely woman is looking for... from all her messages to Linda, I feel she is just looking for 15mins of fame. Like...is she honestly going to tell me she is still inlove with this man? he obviously isn't inlove with her.

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  18. You know the funnier part of it, initially, I thought Odi was the father to her two children. People marry for papers every minute on the minute..nothing strange there. But I kept wondering how Odi could defend having two kids by her though it was a fake marriage until I read again that actually, only one of the kids is his.
    My take, lovely should go and take a back burner now. E don do

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  19. Ladies please lets be truthful to ourselves if/when your husband leaves you and two kids for another women and you dont act crazy then you can start judging Lovely.

    Secondly the mans story was never straight first it was that he was never married to her then it became he had divorced her, when? and the fact that their is no evidence that he and Mercy eventually did a registry wedding shows their might be a truth to this as we saw pictures of the trad and church weddings but no registry.

    If their was a registry wedding between Odi and Lovely that hasn't been dissolved, and God forbid if that man dies tomorrow, mercy is in deep shit as she has no claim to whatever estate that man has. Big weddings dont mean squat without that certificate.

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  20. I'm not really on anyone's side if you ask me. I tend to thread very carefully about making judgements on other peoples' marriage.

    Whilst all parties involved having exactly covered themselves in glory but to cast aspersions about who was right or wrong is something for the parties involved to sort out. In all these I hope the interests of the children are looked after and protected.

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  21. ..tired of the whole drama....there is more to it, that both parties are not ready to say...........as a wife, i feel hurt for lovely...if the marriage was indeed a SHAM so as to have the papers, as many nigerians are doing over there, then there should had been a WRITTEN or VERBAL agreement of NO SEX & NO CHILDREN abi?....but SOMETHING is missing which i can't pin point or lay a finger on....my sympathy still lies with LOVELY, though i would advise her to move on with her life and PRAY that GOD who knows the TRUTH would allow it to reveal someday, because there is NOTHING hidden behind the sun that shall not be revealed...but this is a FACT...MJ HAD AFFAIR WITH HER HUSBAND WHILE HE WAS STILL LEGALLY MARRIED TO LOVELY!

    Our custom, is not against polygamy, but Christianity is against DIVORCE & POLYGAMY...so there is a CONTRADICTION here...LOVELY sees MJ as a 2nd wife now.....wish them the best...but am not happy for them...we tend to forget the innocent children trapped in all the drama...a seed of bitterness would be sowed btw both the children from MJ & LOVELY....a sibling rivalry which my pipo, can led to a generational feud...just as ISHMAEL & ISAAC.....islam vs Christianity..{too far fetched?}

    I HATE POLYGAMY WITH A PASSION, & HAVE LITTLE OR NO RESPECT FOR ANY YOUNG GAL THAT GETS INVOLVED IN IT IN THIS PRESENT ERA, UNLIKE THE DAYS OF YORE, WHICH WAS DONE NOT OUT OF LOVE MOSTLY BUT TO EITHER HAVE MORE CHILDREN TO WORK ON THE FARM, OR TO BEAR CHILDREN IF THE FIRST WIFE COULD NOT!OR FOR SEXUAL GRATIFICATION...BUT FOR LOVE???...I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT!

    IT'S WRONG FOR ANY WOMAN TO LAY HER HAPPINESS ON THE FOUNDATION OF ANOTHER WOMAN'S UNHAPPINESS!..... NOTHING JUSTIFIES THE ACT!

    My advise to Lovely, is to let go...she can't force a man to love you or want you...sign the divorce papers and be FREE!

    My 2kobo.

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  22. @Myne, God will bless you very plenty. This was my stand when i was having this discussion with my friend who blames Mercy and chooses to believe Lovely because she is in support of Association of women abroad with hubby in 9ija. Someone also added that the Lovely woman left her husband to follow a rich man and when the man died, she decided to get hubby back.
    My own is this, there are 3sides to every story...my story, your story and the truth. So people should please stop blaming Mercy (not like i'm a fan tho)

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  23. really sista Ibhade has said it all. I don't like divorces or polygamy.. The lady should just leave the man and move on with her life.
    Life is to short for all the drama.
    www.secretlilies.blogspot.com

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  24. I feel there is something going on that Lovely and Odi know about that we don't.

    That said, if they have a valid statutory marriage, then even the customary law marriage is bigamy (at least in Nigeria).

    Instead of all the internet war, I would have preferred Lovely get a good lawyer to either ensure there is a proper divorce and guarantee her alimony and child support, or get the authorities to go after him for bigamy (that one will be a stretch unless she is ready to go and sit on top of the DPP).

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  25. When the story broke, Lovely said Prince told her that Mercy was a business partner that's why she didn't suspect anything till the last minute. All the evidence she brought so far was to prove that she wasn't lying and I cant blame her for that. The only thing that confused me was the names on the Italian marriage certificate.

    Her not wanting Prince now is probably due to frustration and all that. She's probably given up but at the same time, the way her family was summoned to court for divorce proceedings lacked the respect her family deserved esp if she was really married to him so I cant blame them if they decided not to show up. I dont think Prince handled the whole thing well at all.

    Anyway, I also got confused at a point and decided to just forget the whole story. Like @ilola said, we dont know enough except what we've heard. And i'll also agree with Ibhade. I think we should leave it for God to judge.

    Ps: I still dont understand why Christ Embassy went ahead amidst all the drama. Well, only God will judge too

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  26. This one is a rather complicated one and I'm not sure we can really tell it as it is by just reading and listening to what each of them has to say. But I remember she did say she still loved him at one point in time. I quote, "He is the love of my life"
    People were even insulting her for still loving a man that left her and I can understand if she feels the need to stop loving him now. But really this is complicated that one is certain.

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  27. After all being said, on the downside, this looks like a script from nollywood.

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  28. "talking with THEIR MAN, they play "the other woman" card (aka she stole my man)? #oldstory"

    Can't tell you how much it irritates me. The first time i read the story on linda ikeji's website, her whole woe is me demeanor almost made me wretch. Like seriously, where were you while your 'husband' was dating another woman?! Or where was she when they got engaged? Abeg the woman just needs to move on with her life, in trying to pay him back, she's just embarrassing herself.

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  29. I'm not judging this case or any of the parties, the courts are probably better qualified. I'm just sharing thoughts as I feel them, and also looking to learn from all the comments too. Thanks...

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  30. @Ibhade Your comments are on point. I have nothing more to add...

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  31. Its one thing if the man didnt tell MJ he was married. cos as uve pointed out, the marriage fit be sham so dats up for discussion. however, it seems from d way d story went dat MJ just found out about the kids when Lovely came out with her story. To me that one is black and white. if you are willing to hide your kids from me that doesn't say good things about you as a man. MJ can say she loves him but given the maginitude of the red flags dis Lovely raised, she should have postponed the wedding and get to the bottom. she isnt 30 yet before dey start saying shes too old (not dat 30 is old but u sha get). a broken relationship is way better than a broken marriage. so my question to MJ is why the rush. As for Lovely, my issue with her is what do you want? do you want to just be vindictive or what? nd wat is dis man's source of income cos as u mentioned Lovely isnt asking for child support nd shes surviving in canada or wherever she lives. i personal suspect this prince intentions with mercy. nd MJs mother was there saying anyone who stops the wedding will be dealt with. is it about the wedding or d marriage. na wa sha. anyway myne hello, long time no come to your blog :)

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  32. I don't know who these people are, but I'd think if the relationship is over, the thing to do is accept it and move on. So maybe the gent went about it the wrong way - if his first marriage isn't dissolved - but I'd rather end the marriage quietly than create a three-ring circus about the whole thing. Has making a fuss brought the man back home? I don't think so.

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  33. I pray pray pray this marriage lasts. It's got so much negative attention already. Lovely, Lovely, Lovely... Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

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  34. things have changed sooooo much in Nigeria since i was younger.

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  35. The whole thing is one hot mess

    Only God knows what has gone on between all parties involved
    Like everything in life - time will tell

    'One day, one day..breeze go blow and everybody go see fowl yansh'........................The truth can not be hidden forever

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  36. I think for the Campaign we are in a fair few groups together. Right now all I know for sure is we're in Adult Fiction... But I'm working my way through my various groups.

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  37. cons of being in the public eye...everything is the worlds bizness. I turned blind eyes to all this wahala! bt their pics r nice tho!

    >>>absolutely agree with u tho...Lovely should chill and leave them alone!

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  38. I don't know the truth about this story so I really can't make any judgements. But I think its very easy for us to say someone should give up and move on when the other person doesn't want them anymore. Anyone who has been or is married to someone they truly love will know that it is a very difficult thing and I think that people should be commended for fighting for their marriage to the very end. If the end is divorce then accept it and with God's grace move on. I'm not talking about this case in particular.

    Divorce is very easy to talk about and seems so clinical on paper but it involves lives and when there are children believe me it affects them a lot too. The fact that one will not be the first or last to get a divorce doesn't reduce the pain one feels. I pray that all works well for the people involved.

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  39. I totally agree with your point of view, I think lovey should just let go.

    Lol@Okeoghene

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  40. Myne! are we still on this support of having a second wife??.. I have told u Atala is not getting a 2nd wife... u are our only wife in Atala kingdom lol..

    ok back to the issue at hand...i cant say much about this madam really, as hard as it is, the guy has moved on so she shld move on

    but my issue is with Mercy because she is on a long thing..i won't say much but lets wait and see how this marriage will pan out. let us wait and see #thatisall

    Meanwhile Christ Embassy actually married them? is that even allowed? a church marrying a married (supposedly not yet divorced) man to another woman. strange things are happening.

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  41. well said....it is all just really messy (no pun intended).... There's something more going on that what we the public can see but hey, time will tell

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  42. This is a really controversial issue, I truly wish them well at the end, very happy for Mercy, she's a great actress, love all her movies. How you de Myne?

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  43. This is a really controversial issue, I truly wish them well at the end, very happy for Mercy, she's a great actress, love all her movies. How you de Myne?

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  44. This is a really controversial issue, I truly wish them well at the end, very happy for Mercy, she's a great actress, love all her movies. How you de Myne?

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  45. Very controversial subject. I hope all turns out well for everyone.

    Just wanted to say hi from the campaign trail.

    Kathi

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  46. wow.. miss 1st wife is messed up! since she waants to divorce him/ is in the process of divorcing him, why wont she jst let him go?
    I personally dnt want to marry a man with this sorta baggage b4 someone hires killers for me :/

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  47. Ah yes she is on a long thing, that's why she is hanging on with her teeth. She is definitely messy! LOL. Someone should tell her 'it' is not the only long ting in the market. She should have looked harder, thought harder. It's about her life, her future!!! Arrrgh! :(

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  48. Its Mecry Johnson, there just had to be a controversy.

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  49. Thanks ZouZou, and welcome to my blog.

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  50. The whole thing is a hot mess. All three parties have acted shady as far as i'm concerned. It started in the public eye so na here we go dey...

    Hope your arm is doing better, Myne.

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  51. I wish I could care two hoots about this people. He wedding dress is lovely shaa, very lovely (lol, no pun intended).

    If husband has moved on, in words or action then wife allow him divorce you and move on with your own life...rather than live miserable lives for the sake of the children??

    Abi, is that not what we have been saying on blogville...

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  52. Eh, i know everything i say has probably already been said but if i had to pick a side i'd be with the wife here for a number of reasons (none of them necessarily having to do with MJ). First it is quite possible that she didn't know anything about the wedding. i didn't know MJ was involved with anyone until the pics of her dress shopping and even then i didn't know who she was getting married too and im on the net 24/7. Add to that that the man was lying to both about his relationship with the other all this while. And he only submitted divorce papers in july. Im pretty sure him and MJ have been engaged for longer than that. So he was obviously cheating on the 1st wife. I understand that some marriages don't work but the least he could have done was end things properly with the 1st wife before carrying on with the 2nd. I think this Lovely chick is every bit justified in her anger. From all accounts she was trying to save the marriage in the beginning and has probably said forget it now after all this headache and frustration. There just too much wahala involved all because of this one guy. IDK why MJ would even want to move forward with marrying him but since she has, God bless her either way.

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  53. Dear Myne,

    Remember me? Puregoldlady! J'suis toujours vivante! :-) I saw you commented on a couple of Naija blogs and I checked my email for the first time in long while -- still subscribe to your blog -- and saw your latest blog post.

    Good to see you are still writing!

    As for this whole Mercy/Lovely/Prince situation -- only God knows. It made good reading for a few weeks. I, too, wonder what is the point of Lovely's protestations if she has no love for her former husband. In any case, marriage is not easy and I pray for God's grace all around for all involved.

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  54. Am not at all with Myne on this. If a man is marrying another woman without ending things neatly with me first, i will scream for all to hear!

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  55. Divorce can be really painful for both parties but I think that it's for the best. Thanks.

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  56. Bigamy and polygamy are crimes against the legal system. If I were them, I would consult with a Long Island divorce lawyer before doing anything else.

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  57. Nollywood in da blood.it goes on after d screen.

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  58. Well I only have these to say to every one,1Corinthians7:10-11, Matthew 5:31-32.

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