Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Debate Tuesday - Women and their cheating men

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The wives and steady girlfriends of men who cheat. Do they know?

It's been a while since the last Debate Tuesday but recent events have given rise to this post. In the past few days, a couple of high profile men have gotten into the news headlines for cheating. First, Arnold Schwarzenegger, actor and former governor of California separated from the wife, Maria Shriver, and then it came out that it was because he confessed to her about his love child. And with a woman who has lived and worked in their house for the past 20 years! Also more than 10 other women have come out since the break-up to say they've had affairs with the former governor over the years. So I ask, did she know all along? Was the love child sort of like the straw that broke the camel's back?

There's also the IMF Managing Director who was spectacularly arrested in New York after alleged imprisonment and attemped rape of a hotel maid. News reports claim that Dominique Strauss-Kahn had in the past admitted to womanizing, and so it seems that the wife did know in this case.

In October, 2008, Sinclair watched as her husband was forced to apologize and admit "a serious error of judgment" for an affair with an IMF employee in Washington, DC. The IMF board investigation concluded that Strauss-Kahn's behavior was "regrettable and reflected a serious error of judgment," but found that the fling was consensual and did not involve any type of sexual harassment, favoritism or abuse of authority.
I'll leave the debate of why women remain with cheating men for another day. Let's talk my people...


  1. Ha, my last two blogs have been about cheating and female intuition.

    Anyway sha, as far as whether or not they know...some do and chose to stay and ignore it or do some revenge-cheating of their own. Other's have their rose-tinted glasses on and don't know whats going on. Then there are the people who know something is amiss but chose to keep their head in the sand rather than confront the situation head on out of fear, shame, or whatever.

    I could talk all day about how foolish i think it is to stay with a cheating spouse but let me just bow out now. I ran my mouth about it enough on my own blog lol.

  2. Em...excuse me but there is no way Maria Shriver did not know. She is an investigative journalist for heavens sake. The stayed with him out of pure politics.

  3. To stay or to go... I think every woman and every woman's situation will be different. There are probably a million and one reasons to do both. I don't have time to list them!

    P.S. Hurray, hurray, my book is out at last!

  4. Interesting points LadyNgo, I'll check out your posts too. Thanks for your comment.

    @Lucid, politics? Will that trump personal happiness and peace of mind? I want to believe she didn't know.

    @Wendy! Yay, and congrats! I'm coming over right now. :)

  5. What Lucid said kind of makes sense...investigative journalist. 0_o
    Edge of Your Seat Romance

  6. For sure, schwarznegger's wife musta known he was cheating on her! There's no way a man wld have multiple affairs and his wife wld be completely oblivious to his unfaithfulness. Maybe she jst chose to ignore it to save herself the embarassment of letting everyone know her hubby was cheating on her. Hmm the things we do to spare ourselves any embarassment..
    glad she finally left him sha

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  8. Blessings....

    There are many reasons why women stay with their cheating husbands and men stay with their cheating wives. To criticize is to assume that the way we think and reason is the way those particular women/men think and reason. From a woman’s perspective there are times when a woman may not know when her husband has strayed however by 6, 7, 8,9, 10 she knows in her gut for sure that he is stepping out even if she doesn’t have the physical proof. How she then evaluates, excuse and justify her actions to stay depends greatly on what she values, how she feels staying will impact her versions for not leaving.

    From the outside looking in it’s easy to say 'I would do this and I would do that;' however we should be mindful that we are not privy to a lot of what goes on between these two people within there household and intimate lives. It is easy to come to a decision when one has nothing invested including emotions after all that is the spectators’ perspective.

    Personally infidelity is not something I can tolerate for a myriad of reasons, some which include, trust and health. Simply because there are a diverse world of relationships choices and one need not button their self down to monogamy if it is not something they believe in.

    People should have the courage to choose they kind of relationship they truly want and need and not pretend and enter into the kind of relationship that truthfully is not what they want at heart because in the end people on get hurt. Hurt that is not necessary if only they had the courage to choose their heart's conviction.

  9. @Raquel, that sure makes sense.

    @Kitkat, I guessed the same thing. It is a very difficult situation for a lot of women, especially when there are children involved.

    @Rhapsody, absolutely true. I would never presume to decide on which one way is the best way forward for people in a cheating relationship. However, we all have our personal opinions and these debates are only for us to share them and maybe learn from each other. I've certainly learnt a lot from your comment. Thanks!

  10. I do not entirely believe that the other spouse would not know that he/she is been cheated on. Although there had been instances when the spouse covers his tracks well! The only thing that exposes the cheating spouse is when a child is involved.

    I am of the opinion that wives and steady girlfriends of men who cheat KNOW that their partner is cheating on them. They choose to either live with it or ...

  11. I think most times, from instincts, the partners know, they probably just do not have evidence or are trying to cover the guy's shame.

  12. A woman is blessed with a special foresight and spirit of discernment. Any woman who cannot tell when her hubby has started cheating has either chosen to ignore him or doesn't care that much about what he does. I can tell from afar a woman who has her eyes on my man and vice versa... and once I do, I sound the alarm so that he knows that I have seen the dead rat and not just smelt it...

    In the end, it boils down to wisdom from God....let him that lacks wisdom, ask of Him who freely gives (James 1:5)

  13. I think the woman always knows or has her suspicions. She must. I have friends with cheating men and the odd thing is they expect that this is the norm. A very strange psychology.

  14. I think the partners might suspect that something is going on but if they dont have evidence they might not want to do anything about it.

  15. @All, thanks for the comments. It seems it is the consensus that a lot of the partners actually know, hmm...

    @Wendy, they think it is normal and acceptable. Do they even call their partners out and talk about it?

  16. Sometimes the women know,sometimes they absolutely have no idea whatsoever! in the case of former Gov. Arnold,it's just so sad.

  17. For example Myne the other day a girl tells me she saw evidence on the man's infedility. She says I'm so tired of going through this with him.So obviously its something they always have clashes over. But then she says, but this is how these men are. Now at that moment I can't say to her mine is not like that because I end up looking naive and stupid so you just go mmmhhh and move on.....

  18. i think there is a difference between a one time slip up and an affair.
    i think with an affair people know something is up and eventually are lulled into complacency and this think the other person has changed

    with a one time session
    i don't know
    i think you might sense it but then when things go back to normal you just think you were imagining things because of all the soap operas you were watching

    it is sad all around

    it really is

  19. @Kafo and 9ja great, it is really sad, especially when one considers all the lives that are affected, including the children, parents and in-laws. Scattered relationships all round.

    @Wendy, hmmm..that is true. Even with this topic, that is all I can say still. You know we can never live the lives of other people.

  20. Ms Myne; this topic hen... In fact.. I might just get pre-mature heart attack if I start talking.
    I don't want to sounds like a preacher but relationships need prayers.... I know most people will probably cut off my neck, but I think we need to slow down and reason. in these day, IT'S SO EASY TO CHEAT... like extremely easy, Most people probably don't start off with the intention to, but once they get off with one, they think that can continue to do it(men and Women both). I don't honestly think love has anything to do with it, I think it's a mix of human nature and lack of contempt.

    ........I am sure she probably knew he was cheating, but didn't care as long as he was performing his "husbandly" duties. Lets not put all the blame on the guy though, I think if every woman in the world should pride herself enough not to be second best, not to shamelessly agree to .........with married men, then there wont be any cheating married men.

  21. 9jaFoodie, I love the way TD Jakes puts it. He says you have to pray with one eye open. LOL funny but true. You need balance, you can't be too much the one dimention and too little the other. While you're being too physical the devil is looking to devour some unsuspecting victim and if you being too spiritual some Delilah will be looking to devour him or her. OK he didn't say this but its my interpretation LOL

  22. @NaijaFoodie and Wendy, :) Well said.

  23. Wow. I had no idea about Maria Shriver and Arnold until you told me just now. Look who's been living in a cave. That's so sad, I feel sorry for her :-(

    As for your Q - I think like most people here seem to - I think many women knows and either subconciously supresses it in their mind and never conciously admit it to themselves, while others do and choose to ignore it for the 'greater good' or simply because of all the repercussions that will come - OR because they love the dude too much. In a situation like Maria Shriver's I would believe that coming out about it would make it so public and put so much extra pressure on the situation that for that reason alone, if I was her, I'd wait to make a decision before I let it get out (if possible) cuz you don't want that influencing your decisions.

  24. Yeah, i think Arnold's wife just stayed cause of the politics and left when she could. I applaud her. Please, what is up with this cheating now? Is sex really all that? Guys are funny


  25. I'm a bit tired of the media and their noise over cheating husbands and the pressure on wives to stand up and divorce. I hate the fact that the message out there is that divorce is the only way. There are worse things men are doing. Corrupt rich politicians are mass murdering the masses daily. I'm waiting for the wife who leaves her husband over that!

  26. Wives divorcing their men over sex is getting real boring jare. I am waiting for the women who will divorce cause they have incompatible values i.e. the wife of a corrupt politician....in Nigeria lol.

  27. The thing about Arnold's situation that gets me is how the baby mama (and Arnold) had the mind to still work in the house for over 10 yrs. Talk about cuckolded (usually it's the men who are, but they got her good!). I bet since she worked with her so long, she was one of her most "trusted" employees. Kai....you can't trust anyone o.

    As for the cheating thing, i bet she knew but like a lot of women chose to look the other way. She even went on Oprah to defend him. I guess this was just the height of embarrassment and betrayal.

  28. Thanks girls.

    @Sting, she went on Oprah? I didn't know that. She must be feeling very betrayed indeed.


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