Monday, April 25, 2011

U is for Unhealthy Relationships

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So, one of the stories going through my head has to do with someone who has experienced and abusive relationship, and is wary of investing in any other person. As I've tried to write a profile for her, I had to do some little research on this issue.

Unhealthy relationships are those ones that mentally stress you out, and they can also sabotage your physical and emotional well-being. And I'm not just talking about romantic relationships, it could also be with parents, siblings, friends, co-workers or bosses, etc. it may be easy to define, but how exactly can one know that they're in an unhealthy relationship? The following are some specifics;

- You feel afraid, and your heart races when the person is around.
- You think that you and your opinions do not matter in the relationship.
- You emotions do not count, and are actually disrespected
- You are always worried about the future or nature of the relationship
- You both have very different ideas and values and you're always the one to compromise
- The other person's anger overshadows you, and you change your actions, or lie to escape their wrath
- You feel you deserve the criticism you receive from them.

If you feel like this in your current relationship, it may be time to assess why you remain in that position. Whether at work or at home, you deserve peace of mind, and a optimal health. You may confide in a trusted friend, family member, pastor, or consult a therapist for counseling.

Usually, the first way forward is to improve on  communication between you and the person aggravating you. Be honest with them about how you feel, and how you expect to be treated. Here, you can try listing the behaviors that hurt you, and a better way the person could have phrased it that you would prefer.

If the person is apologetic and willing to work with you, you can then decide on ways forward. Try to schedule times just to talk. Also make time for both of you to simply have fun. If you're using a professional counselor, it may be time to meet them together, and try to work out if there are underlying issues that need to be solved.

If none of the above works, it may be time to end the relationship. Leave that boyfriend, husband, partner, resign from that job, or just begin to put some distance between you and the person if you cannot leave them entirely, like a co-worker in a job you may not afford to quit.

This is a serious post because I believe this is a sensitive issue.


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  1. Myne, this is a timely post. We keep 'managing' unhealthy relationships and destroying our mental health along the way!!

    Just to add a few more:
    Are your comings and goings monitored?
    Does s/he control who you can and can't talk to?
    Does s/he control what you can and cannot wear?

  2. Great post Myne, and I agree with Ginger's additions. The hardest type of relationships and also so difficult to leave. I hope that women listen to your advice here!

  3. very nice postn ur right, i think some pple just don't want to go out of der comfort zone despite all, i once had a friend like dat

  4. This IS a very serious issue. I hope this inspires someone to change their lives.


  5. Good post Myne! I just had this discussion with a friend yesterday and she is desperate for a new life. She kept working on it, doing things to make it work, counselling...but it is not working. All she is waiting for now is to pull her resources together and check out of the marriage. Some times some relationships are not want it when your life is in danger and the victim begins to have sucidal thots. These things exist in our society but it is said in hush tones

  6. Spot on, Myne.

    Most times women tend to be on the receiving end of such relationships. Abusive relationship are just not worthy the trouble esp if the abuser refuses to change.

  7. Aww nice!
    Could be really hard with the parent-child relationship though. Any way as usual, awesome post! :)

  8. super-great profile! And characters trapped in unhealthy relationships--and escaping them!--are always great plot starters (or movers). Good one, Myne~ :o)

  9. Great post Myne. Thumbs up!!

    Check my blog I have something for u :)

  10. This is great and so true. But even in healthy relationships, you findout that ur heart beats fast at times when that pasun appears. Its simply something with love.

  11. You are right. This post is important. Love how you handled the issue


  12. Important and great post.
    Unhealthy relationship is a no-no... it zaps all emotional and mental strength out of one.

  13. Leaving an abusive husband is not as easy as leaving an abusive boyfriend.

  14. It is as serious and as sensitive as the post suggests. Communication is the fundamental building block of any relationship, I'll tell you that. The very moment you feel like your opinion doesn't matter, or that they don't want to hear/listen to you, that's when things go sour. It's very critical. That's how we get through stuff in the first place, and yet we forget. I mean why do people go to pastors, and counselors etc, if not to TALK (COMMUNICATE)!?

  15. Agree this is an important issue.

    I would like to add that another sign of an unhealthy relationship is when all you do revolves around that one person.

    For example, you stop seeing your friends because s/he doesnt approve of them OR you stop enjoying your hobbies because s/he doesnt approve OR you are willing to change plans whenever s/he demands it.

    If so...RUN !!!

  16. Most relationships these days, especially the ones past the "honeymoon" stage, tend to be unhealthy. Its the sad truth :/

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  18. The assumption we may be drawing here is that this is about an adult in a bad relationship but its even more tragic when it's a child. What place do they have to flee to even if they want to. It resonates far too well.
    Myne I remember the constant fear and racing heart vividly.

    Sorry last post had a spelling error.

  19. Brilliant...its so much easy to walk out of a relationship before the knot is made expecially for us African ...Divorce is not an option

  20. Very touchy topic but it does need to addressed.

  21. This is so very apt. in a world where being single is seen as a disease, people are staying too long in unhealthy relationships. i know too many people that need to take this post to heart...i am one of them oh!!!

  22. I enjoy the post and I like all the comments, makes sense, I'm a guy and iv been in an unhealthy relationship, thank God for my parents who helped me to get out nd fore saw what I couldn't see cos I was blinded by love, now I'm with someone new and I have peace of mind,someone who respects nd truly values ur opinions


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