Sunday, April 3, 2011

Is an Engagement Ring Compulsory?

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Before we discuss, do check out a couple of reviews I got for A Love Rekindled. Both were good, and different at the same time. For JEFritz of Still Writing, the style I employed in switching from the past to the present was the best part of the book for her, while Tracy at Tracy's Place didn't really care for it. I am pleased at both reviews, and grateful to the bloggers for their support.

Now to today's topic...

... must  a man buy an engagement ring for the lady he wants to ask to marry him?

To be honest, I got a ring, and those few minutes of the proposal will never be forgotten. However, would I have said NO if a ring was not part of the process? I doubt it.

What I am saying is that I personally don't think rings are compulsory for engagement. The man may decide to use a necklace, bracelet, or any other jewelry, he could also go ahead and ask without using anything at all.

What say you?


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Happy mothers' day Myne
    Well, to the question - I dont think a ring is compulsory. I even believe girls crave the ring because they want to have some physical evidence to show off to their friends. *smile*

    However, I would advice my sons to make sure they propose with a ring - because the actual act of saving up for the ring, going out to select the ring and then presenting the ring to the girl - shows some effort on the guy's part.

    In conclusion - I dont think a ring is neccessary. However, I think it is evidence of good planning!
    *i too talk sef*

  3. Naijamum made a good point... The ring isn't necessary but the effort made to pick one out etc shows love and concern. I personally don't care about the ring. I have enough of my own. Commitment is a decision- it's a thing of the mind/heart, depending on how you see it. A ring does not add to or subtract from this decision. The preoccupation with engagement rings nowadays is an effect of our young women having been brainwashed by false portrayals of love and romance (thanks to silly films and melodramatic books) as well as the increasingly materialistic nature of society.

  4. I note that before the 20th century the engagement ring was not the only item used to indicate a commitment to marry. A popular choice was a sowing thimble or any other item of choice. The interesting thing would be to find out what Africans used if anything, before adopting this Western custom. And as one who is deep to my neck in them, I would insist on an engagement ring or something of similar sentiment or value, not a sewing thimble mind you. My take is if an engagement ring is not compulsory, then neither is the wedding ring. The promise I think is as important as the deed. All of them serve as a symbol of commitment. The wedding ring is not the marriage.
    And as Naijamum said, the level of preparation may encourage one to think that the boy will be able to look after your daughter.

  5. Well for me an engagement ring is compulsory lol. When i was engaged before (long story as im only 24 now)...i did plenty shakara wit that ring lol. I'm not even sure that i wanna know what the guy had to do to get that kind of ring at that level.
    Anywho, i think that the ring is a "material" manifestation of the commitment that the man is making to the bride-to-be. With that being said, the ring doesn't have to be crazy extravagant to prove that point. I think thats what trips people up.

  6. I'm with you. I don't think a ring is compulsory - it's all about the sentiment.

  7. I don't think its compulsory at the moment of asking, but in the end I would prefer an engagement ring.

    In that aspect at least, I will say I'm pretty "traditional". Lol.

  8. I agree EDJ, I got mine a while after engagement and I was happy to.

  9. Blessings ....

    It depends on the couple and how they define their relationships and the symbols they choose to solidify it.

    stay blessed.

  10. No I don't think the ring is necessary as far as the feeling is there.

  11. i jst feel like the ring adds to the romance and mystique. like it makes the moment even more special. when he says will u marry me, and i say yes..the ring is sorta like the deal sealer :p
    that said, ofcourse i'll still accept and be super happy even if there's no ring.. but i'll much much much rather have him put a ring on it :)

  12. I'll say yes. But if the girl breaks off the engagement she should do th right thing and give it back.

  13. If Mr Lashes had proposed with a plastic ring, I still would have said yes but like Naijamum and other lovely people have said, it shows effort has been made.

    Mr Lashes took time out to look for a ring he thought I would like, he enlisted the help of my mom and sisters and he's apparently on first name terms with one of the ladies at the jewellers because he kept changing his mind about 'THE' ring.

    This I think makes the ring all the more special.

    Happy mothers Day ladies.

  14. Naijamum! True that! I think a ring is compulsory oh- it shows effort and seriousness. It's just not the same without it


  15. Naija mum is right, a ring is not compulsory, but i would love to know he put in d way erm i don't mind showing off small lol..

  16. An engagement ring is not compulsory. what of those that start talking marriage months after the relationship, even without ring? I think the ring is just a sign to other men that this one is taken. lol
    at least some churches don't even use jewelry at all

  17. Ehn? Bracelet, necklace? What is that? Not happening. No ring, no engagement and it better not be a small ring too that i have to squint to see.

  18. Baautiful blog, a feast for the eyes. I would hope that the ring is just a symbol for the feelings but sometimes I wonder, when the size and expense seems to be so very important.

  19. A ring is just a symbol. Like you said, a necklace or bracelet could be a symbol as well. It doesn't matter.

  20. Thanks for the comments.

    @Madame Sting, LOL..

    @Jeanne, You're welcome! I also wonder why people are so fussed with the size and cost?

  21. I agree with you,i actually want a key to a house, lol.

  22. I definitely don't think an engagement ring is compulsory. A ring will come into it sooner or later and I definitely don't need to see one the moment my future husband proposes.

  23. I think giving out an engagement ring during the process of the proposal is like the icing on the cake.

    Can you imagine proposing and then the girl is waiting for the ring and then the guy later changes his mind or says the ring is still undergoing adjusting or something?

    To me, the ring is compulsory.

  24. yeah to me its not compulsory, but i would love a ring, a beautiful one at that, but i wouldnt want my fiance to put the down payment for our life together on a piece of jewelery, if he can afford it though, id like one with a huge rick :d
    @neefemi OLE! key to house ko! smh

  25. for mii, i don't like the concept of the ring. it is too simple. easy and all it requires is money.

    i want more.
    i got more
    so yeah for mii love can't be quantified by your just spending money

    let mii see tears or hear the voice catch when you say my name
    i'll take that a million times over a ring

  26. I wouldn't say its compulsory...but it's tradition and it's something to look forward to...all I know is that I WANT one when my time comes ;-)

  27. Yes it can be a bracelet, a necklace anything.
    But all want to do the done thing and thats a ring.

  28. I don't think it's compulsory at all a the proposal. I do think that eventually some sort of token - whether it be jewelry, trinkets, clothing, whatever is important to the woman and her relationship with the man - be given between the engagement and wedding. But I say, to each his (or her) own. If the woman would rather him put that money towards a home or in a mutual fund, so be it! :-)

  29. This is a most interesting topic and i laughed after reading it when i remembered the proposal i got back then-I've been married to the same person that proposed for nearly nine years now.

    My hubby is the most romantic person i know, but when we started dating in 1997, he did not have a penny to call his own, no house, fresh out of school, and was trying to start a business of his own then. But he had a burning passion for God, for me, and for work. So when he proposed, there was no ring o, but i did not mind. He loved me, and I, him-that was sufficient for me.
    A lot of people thought I was foolish for staking all for a young man without a dime to his name, and we had issues-external ones majorly. To shorten a long story, we got married in 2002, and today-2011, he can afford to give me all the rings of this world and much much more-and everybody has kept quiet.
    so, engagement ring or none-it doesn't matter. Develop the ability to see beyond the now. I rest my case, lol.


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