Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Debate Tuesday - Who should love the other more?

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The man or the woman?

But first of all, happy February everyone, it's the month of love. As usual, this is going to be a love-themed month for me and my blog. Some of you already know that not only is February my SO's birthday, it's also my wedding anniversary. I'm an unabashed romantic and already ideas are popping in my head for ways to make it memorable. But for this month and on this blog, it's not going to be all about me. I've gone looking for love and will be bringing you "Real Love Stories" and from people all around us.

You know how you go to wedding websites and the first place you go to is "Our Story"? I'm a sucker for ohhing and ahhing over those. For someone like me who believes in romance, these stories show that it can be real. LOVE IS POSSIBLE. It happens to people we know and it can happen to anyone. I have several guest bloggers who will be sharing stories of how they met their fiancées and their spouses. Some of them have also been married for several years and will be sharing marriage and relationship tips with us. The "Real Love Stories" starts this week, so watch out. If you want to share with us, send me an email at myne @ mynewhitman.com

Click link to read the REAL LOVE STORIES

OK, before we get all lovey-dovey. There is this question that crops up sometimes. In a relationship, is it the man or the woman who should love the other more?

The received wisdom (old wives tale) seems to be that the woman should be with and marry a man who loves her more. Maybe if men gave themselves such advice, it would be the other way around. I personally think what is more important is that both love each other deeply, and work to nurture and sustain that love. This is because love is not static and in a long term relationship, it tends to move around. Today, she loves him more, tomorrow, he loves her more.

What say you all?


  1. I'm the first?
    WOW...this has never happened on here...lol

    I originally would have said they should love themselves equally but let's be honest, that's virtually impossible.

    The bible says men love your wives, women respect your hubbys. It seems to me that women loving their hubbys is a no brainer...it goes without saying, hence the command to respect.

    On the flip side, guys loving, hmm...comma dey plenty plenty, its kinda hard. Its like they don't even know wot love is to begin with not to speak of expressing it, so if a guy says "I love this woman" it speaks volumes.

    My aunt said to me, "if u find a man who loves you, hold on to him!" (again, it's hard to find such, hence the advice).

    plus, becuz women know how to dish love out, its not as much a biggy as a guy loving.

    In short (funny how I say in short after practically posting an epistle on here), I believe the guy should love more. It's even more security for a woman cuz u know, the chances of this one going somewhere, or looking elsewhere are slimer.

  2. What a lovely post - I like the idea of the whole of February being a romantic month. MrB proposed to me on the 29th Feb, so it's a lovey dovey time for us.

    I believe that a couples' love will develop and nurture in different ways at different speeds. There are times when one person is more needy than the other. If both are in tune then they can understand these nuances.

  3. Myne, I do agree with you that 'love is not static and in a long term relationship, it tends to move around.'

    However, at the beginning (i.e. early stages of the relationship/ before marriage); I prefer a man being heads over heels in love with a woman because
    (a) he is more likely to commit whole-heartedly;
    (b) he is more likely to ignore external pressures against his choice and
    (c) he is more likely to appreciate the woman in the long-term.

    Believe me, if you start out loving a man much more than he loves you; there is a huge likelihood that he might not value your devotion.

    Unrequited love hurtttttts!

  4. i totally agree with Naija mum. A man is more likely to be committed in the long run if he started out loving his wifey more.
    Most relationships where the lady is more in love with her spouse than he is..end up in divorce courts, or a really sad marriage.
    Happy Valentine's month :)

  5. I agree with 9jamum.

  6. so interesting and true! Love does change, but I think ultimately you're right. both should love deeply~ <3

  7. @yaaa naijamum...love your wife and motherly wisdom....

  8. Myne, which kind question be dis?? It's very simple na! The man should love the woman ferociously. Gbam! If the woman likes, she can love him back small. LOL.

  9. My father told me a long time ago when i was about 11 0r 12 years old, that i should marry a man who loves me more than i love him. He's a man, so i think he knows what he is talking about.

    Ideally sha, i think it should be equal. I would like to love my husband a lot but certainly wouldn't mind if he loves me way more cos that ensures that he will always treat me well :)

  10. Ahh..there seems to be a consensus here, lol. And it is even backed by the bible. But if a woman does not love her husband, will respect be enough to sizzle their relationship?

    @H, for being the first, you get a price. A Love Rekindled, my next book has from chapter 1 to 35. State one and I will send it to your inbox. Congrats on being the first to win this February promo.

  11. Great question. I really have to give this soe thought. I always think of the saying that the one with the least invested has the upper hand, but that's so far from a loving statement...even though I think it's true. Then we have the whole question of how does one measure love...this will be on my mind for days to come :-)

  12. @Myne, yay..I pick chapters 1 to 35..lol

    Ok, let's start from the top, I pick chapter 1.

    In regards to love vs respect. The woman wud already love the man, naturally. The respect comes as an added bonus, esp. since nowadays everyone feels equal to their hubbys its a lil harder to respect.

  13. Yay! I'm looking forward to reading all the posts this month!!!

    I love real life stories :-D.

    And Omg I always love reading the "Our Story" portion on wedding websites!!!

    I personally think that a man should love his woman more...I believe that women have the innate ability to love deeply...be it their husband, children, friends, etc

  14. @CG, now you've got me thinking. How does one measure love? Hmm...

    @H, lol...I think I have your email. I will send it over.

    @Blessing, then prepare for a lovely ride.

  15. Hmmm, Love should run deep in both directions. unfortunately we live in an imperfect world and will encounter lopsidedness in this regard.
    As much as we can though, we should not base our love on 'things'. Its more likely to hold out then.

  16. Hmmmm, this is a really thought provoking... Truth is real love is God and in God's point of view, love is pure and absolut.. I don't know that selfishness has not entered the equation if we someone holds back expecting to be loved more and even goes ahead to demand it...

    Folks who adjudge it necessary for the man to 'love ' more may really be saying, since he is the one who steps up to a woman to ask her hand and all such, he needs to bring to the table his 'love' first and then the woman if she wants steps up to the plate...

    But in the running of everyday life, both need to love purely and totally..giving and giving..

    Idealistic, I know... but that's his standard...


  17. The man should love slightly more at least. It's just the way it works. You can't both be in love equally. It's always more on one side, albeit ever so slightly it may not be noticeable to outsiders. But you both know.

  18. I agree with you that love tends to be static and change over time and I also agree with Naijamum that it's better for the man to luv you more at the beginning. It makes the woman more secure in the relationship as well.

    But strangely enough some women don't like guys who are too lovey dovey towards them - they seem to find it boring, they prefer the guys they have to chase after, the ones they're not sure of where they stand, I have seen this happen time and time again...not sure why?!

  19. I also agree with Naijamum. The man should love more. When the woman loves more, she becomes an option for the man and therefore she'll be disposable. I also agree with what gospel girl said about women liking to chase men a little bit. I've heard that repeatedly, but I don't know why that is.

  20. @Berry and RemiRoy, thanks for your comments. Sometimes we forget who we learnt this love from.

    @Naijamum, I think I agree with you small there..

    @Gospel Girl and Prism, I've heard and even seen that happen, and I'm yet to understand what's at work there. Some biologists think it has to do with the genes, and bad boys being worth more as per Alpha Male or something like that.

  21. Oh gosh, what a question! Does it need to be one or the other? I think relationships are dynamic and those dynamics change... so one week it could be the man, next the woman.

  22. I agree with you...LOVE Deeply and work on sustaining that love!

  23. Funny enough I had this same discussion with some friends I hung out with yesterday evening & we all kind of agreed it was safer for the man to love the woman more...emphasis on the word 'safer'.

    I'm enjoying your blog Myne...stumbled on it & I readily follow you now.

    Keep up the inspiring work & I can't wait to feast on February's stories...lol

  24. I sometimes hear one half of a couple say "I love you" and the other will respond with "I love you more!" but it's hard to tell who actually loves the other more without being able to see into their hearts. People show the depth of their love so differently too: a person with a lot of money might be used to buying ever expensive gifts for someone s/he loves while another might prefer to make something as a labour of love.

    That being said, I tend to find it more romantic when the guy seems absolutely smitten with his woman and isn't afraid who knows this fact.

  25. If its a patriachal society where men can divorce a woman by merely saying 'i divorce you' three times or where its normal for one's hubby to be caught sleeping with all the single ladies living on the street then a man should love a woman more. 70m-30w. However if its a fair society, it should be 50/50 :))

    Happy Feb to you!

  26. @Creative Works, thanks for following, I'll check out your blog too. It's interesting you say safer, does that have to do with men being more apt to stray?

    @GNG, It is difficult indeed to measure love, especially as people show love differently, and some may not even be honest.

    @Mena, It is indeed a patriarchal society we live in, but 70/30? LOL..

  27. i adopt Naijamum's submission intoto....lol
    makes sense

    congrats and congrats myne. am looking fwd to all the lovey dovey things of this month

  28. Please, no debating this now...... the man should love more.

  29. @Omotee, the lovey Doveys are here. Thanks!

    @Funke, LOL...

  30. myne, well done!
    looking forward to the lovey dovey stuffs for the month of feb
    lastly, i strongly feel the husband should love more...:):):)

  31. Myne, you said it wisely with "both love each other deeply, and work to nurture and sustain that love. This is because love is not static and in a long term relationship, it tends to move around..." I will stick with you.

    In a bid to find happiness, I entered into a relation where "the man seemed to love me more..." I tell you it was irritating for I did not like the guy.

    Of course I have been heartbroken when it seemed i was "loving" more.

    What I think is best is that both should work together at making the love grow and last...

  32. Blessings.....

    Great question....
    It is not a competition as competition often bread enmity. Love is about loving, accepting, nourishing, supporting, understanding and respecting and the reciprocation of that love expressed through said action, word and deed.

    If one is to get caught up competing about whose affections is more representative of LOVE then that is not love , it is a masquerade appearing as LOVE by two insecure people that do not know their worth or the true meaning of LOVE.

    Have a great day and thanks for stopping by my place.

  33. The man should love the woman more. I tend to think that she will grow to love him, whereas the man might not. It's always somehow when a lady loves a guy more.

  34. So, it looks like i have once again, strayed into a female lounge or couryard. I think i am the first guy on here or rather leaving a comment?

    Haven read through sll the above comment I have found reason why a man should love a woman more, and not the other way round. And I like the reasons stated. However, I believe that a woman should show more love to the man and the man's enviroment. Because, everyman, wants to be sure his not making a mistake, loving a woman for nothing. in order words he need some sort of security or guarantee that you feel the same way.(dont get me wrong i am not saying the man should not show his love either, just let there some level of consistency and regulary show of it.) this is a question, dont women, ladies, and girls get carried away or begin to take for granted the brother, who is madly in love?


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