Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Debate Tuesday - Must they say 'I love you'?

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A Question and a Poll...

So this week, I have a question. Is it a must for your significant other, (boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, fiancée, etc.) to say the words "I love you" as a declaration of their love?

You see I saw a discussion among romance writers and readers on whether they needed to hear the hero and heroine in their novels say those magic three words. I personally like to hear it and I take that decision for my characters, :)

In my first book, A Heart to Mend, Edward struggled with the words, he was the macho type, very arrogant and self sufficient, and felt gifts and actions would do. But in the end, he realized the error of his ways and declared it in words. In the upcoming Ghost of the Past (BTW, this title will be changed) Kevwe is softer, the more emotional and verbally demonstrative type and used the words several times to reassure Efe of his love. In both books, the women loved to hear the words, in fact, Gladys in AHTM insisted on it as a condition for Edward asking her to marry him.

What about you? Must they say it? 

If yes, when? Before or after the relationship/marriage, all the time, once a week/month? Daily? Will you stop dating them if they don't? If they've stopped saying it, will you notice? Will it become a bone of contention?

There's also a poll on the left sidebar, thanks!

Have a great week all.


image from Hubpages.com


  1. Hmmn, I think everyone would like to hear someone they care about say they love them.

    Personally, it's nice when your significant other says they love you but i wouldn't want to hear it every day/all the time if you don't mean it or said words are not backed up with actions. I guess the person can say it whenever they feel like/as the holy spirit leadeth. Just don't make it into a once year affair.

    I also wouldn't stop dating said person: i feel like we all get to certain places at certain times. so yeah.

  2. Great question, I dont need to be told how much he loves me every hour, but it doesnt hurt hearing it frequently.

    I am all about actions, show me how you love me. Actions speak louder than words sometimes.

    Anyone can tell you "I love you" and dont mean it. Always watch their actions matches up with their words.

    Buky of Bukville

  3. As for me ooo, my other half must say it all the time. That is the last word we use to sign off on phone or when we are about to leave each other's presence. And just in case the I dint hear the words cos of network issues, I will call back. Its not like am addicted to hearing it but for me, I believe words are very powerful and they mould a lot of things in our lives.
    I won't stop dating him if he doesn't say it cos I won't even start dating him in the first place.
    Of course, I will notice if he stops and oh yes, it will be a bone of contention.
    This is just my own way oo

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  5. For me I love to hear the word from my mate and i think i always like it...www.secretlilies.blogspot.com

  6. If and ONLY IF THEY MEAN IT, they should. There are times when people have doubts and/or are caught up with issues and need proclamation of true love to get them through.

    Saying 'I love you' (WHEN ONE MEANS IT) is re-affirmation. Reassurance.

    And why not?

  7. oooh interesting question. I think it kinda depends on the person, too...there's some that say I LOVE YOU at the drop of a hat, others wouldn't say it under torture...

  8. Before you say the three words, your actions must have portrayed them in order for the words to be believed by me. When the words 'i love you' are said i should hear them often but not too much that i begin to think it is just by rote.
    Say 'i love you' when you mean it and not because i said it first.
    Yes, i will notice when the words are not said anymore and it won't become a bone of contention though i will wonder about the lack.

  9. i'm very uncomfortable with guys telling me that they love me. more often than not, that usually marks the end of that 'union' cos i just dont like hearing it.shrugs.

  10. Myne, how you go dey ask this kin question? Of course, those three words must be said by all those who love and are loved. The word love is an active not passive. It 'does' things to hearts that we cannot understand fully.
    Me, I love hearing it, as frequently and constantly as he means it.

  11. I don't think it is necessary especially when they don't mean it. You know what they say; action speaks louder than words!

  12. I personally love hearing "I Love You" I don't have a specific amount of times that I'd like to hear it but I'd love to hear it as often as possible...and I don't want my significant other to feel pressured to say it...it must be real and come from within!

  13. I feel very uncomfortable when someone says this too easily. It should be meaningful and rare.

    Unfortunately, some guys throw these words at a girl too soon. They are just words. Easily said, easily retracted,

    I prefer when it is uttered after a man has got to know a girl.

    Saying that....my hubby said this words to me within 2 days of meeting me. My reaction: 'Of course you dont! You just met me!'

    After sometime, my reaction was always .....*sigh* 'Okay then....prove it!'
    Glad to say, he did! *smile*

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  15. I feel uncomfortable when men fling it about, especially five minutes after meeting you. It rings hollow.

    Only say it when you mean it.

    PS I like Debate Tuesdays!

  16. When they are actually in love...then they should say it

  17. If they both mean it then they should say it.
    I like to hear it as often as he means it...i just don't need to hear it at the end of every conversation.
    If its a serious relationship that is suppose to lead to the alter then at some point it HAS to be present.
    I will DEF notice if he stops saying it. Bone of contention? Maybe not but i will find a way to have a 'talk' about it, however lightly i can :)

    ...dang myne, why you gotta make me sign in to comment?? *side eye

  18. Have i greeted you this year sef??

    Happy New Year, My New Hit Man. Hope the year has been good so far.

    oh oh oh oh...i meant to tell you. So i told my friend i wanted books by naija authors and guess one of the books i got?? Yep....Yours!!
    I was ahhhhh i KNOW her and i know this book...heck i'm part of her blogfam...see me feeling like someone that knows a celeb lol. I think the person was at one of your book signings or something.

  19. like Tom Ford said, everytime you think itsay it

  20. I'd have to agree with Bombchell, every time you think it say it.
    It truly does mold your relationship. Its like a positive confession, heck it is a positive confession. lol.

    The more you say it the more u love the person as there is power in the tongue. (I'm not tryna get all spiro here, lol, it is wot it is).

    I don't find it easy to say the words, "I love you" bcuz I didn't grow up hearing them, but feeling the emotions. Nevertheless in my old age (lol @ in my old age) when I heard it 2ce, it made me feel all warm inside esp since it wasn't said too often.

    lol..feeling warm, feels luvy duvy.


  21. @H, Awww, reading your comments have made me feel all lovey dovey too, lol.

    Thanks for all the comments, I love debate Tuesday too @ Caramel

    @Repressed one, I hope you enjoy the book. Happy New Year too and no, before you ask, I won't be your hitman, lol...

    @signing in, some Anons want to be misbehaving. But I'll reset soon.

    @Bombchell, that's the best way!

    @Naijamum, yay, he did. Now you've got to share that story with us!

  22. I love to hear the words. It's an affirmation of what we *should* already know, but it reinforces that knowledge and makes us feel needed.

  23. I just told my loved one 3 hours ago that I love him...we say it everyday, everytime, it keeps our love alive...a must for everyone..does not hurt to say and it's free.lol

  24. So true Shannon and Yankeenaijababe, that is my own motto too.

  25. What an interesting question! My wife has never been able to utter those words in 24 years of marriage. Does it mean that she doesn't love me? Well, 24 years says she does!
    Doesn't mean I wouldn't like to hear the words said mind you ... but I'm not holding my breath!

    Thanks for entering my blogfest ... just a reminder that it starts this Friday and runs through the weekend. :)


  26. I stopped by for the Hot Mug Blogfest but waltzed into a rather nice surprise. A topic that I think should take the time to be discussed.

    I for one like to hear the words I love you. They don't need to be said a whole lot, but I do like to know that one cares for me and verbally that means just as much as physically (hugging, kissing, etc).

  27. I guess different kinds of love require different treatment. I say I love you to my family members every time I see them or talk to them or write an e-mail, and I don't wait to hear it first. What makes it more special, though, is when I get the chance to confirm the words with an action. One thing that really bothers me is that I don't say it often enough to God, especially when things aren't going the way I want. He says I love you all the time. I'm just not listening.

    I "love" this question for debate!

  28. Thanks for the reminder Jen and the comment. I also show like to be shown love in speech too.

    @Walk2write, that is so true. We don't have to wait to say it.

  29. Everyone has a different love language. Some people choose to spend time with someone they love - whenever they can, they are by their side, others choose to buy gifts or do things; repairing their cars or fixing up their house. Who are we to choose one form of 'loving' as superior to all others?

    I think that's where relationships and marriages get into trouble. This Hollywood-nization of things means that we cannot accept love even when it is staring us in the face unless we hear it. Don't be a doubting Thomas!

    However, as a woman - and we all know we are more vocal - I understand the need to hear affirmations of commitment.

    Like you, I am writing a romance novel. Unlike you, my characters don't say the 'L' word. But it's there, in the skipped heartbeats and the dry mouths, and throbbing....oh such throbbing!
    And yet, the closest they came was 'I like you' and 'I know you like me'.

  30. I love to say it as often as possible and I love to hear it even more often as possible and then we have that special moment when he says it in a different way and with a deeper 'something something' in his voice that makes me go 'awwwwww'.. :-)

  31. And wow @Dominic.. 24yrs! It's interesting that we all have different 'love languages' that we respond to..
    And of course action speaks LOUDER than words.. But I would like to see your face the day she says it :-)


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