Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Tuesday Talk - What makes a successful relationship?

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Maybe this topic is not a debate cos there are no two sides. I have written a short piece on how we can have success in our romantic relationships and I want to know what others think.

The truth is that having a successful relationship will take a lot of work from both partners. Like someone once mentioned in a group discussion, “success takes patience, perseverance and flexibility”. A fantastic relationship will not happen just because you want it. You have to apply yourself. It takes a lot of effort to oil the wheels of a relationship. I usually liken it to a bank account and how if one is not careful, they can land in the red. Yeah, sometimes love, especially by itself, isn't enough.

Some will say, you only need to be with the right person and you’re home free, but that’s not completely true. Sometimes, I even begin to wonder if there is a so-called “right person” because, if you lay back after getting with THE ONE, you might end up not lasting for any significant amount of time together. This is because no matter how long you’ve been with your partner, you have to always keep working on your relationship and try to find ways you can improve it.

Some things that come easily to mind are the essences of any good relationship, romantic or not. They include good communication, trust, openness, honesty, mutual respect and so on. I have to say that for me personally, mutual respect and good communication are very high on the scale.

So what about you?






38 comments:

  1. First
    Trust
    openness
    Being teachable

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  2. i concur..love on it own cannot stand the test of time, it requires watering and tendering, which is the "work part"

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  3. Yes, love cannot stand on its own, but have you realised that most love stories end at the point when you find The One? How many go the point beyond that to talk about what happened after?
    Love plus compassion, understanding and many more.

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  4. Patience, Trust and a thick skin!

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  5. You & the first commenters have said it all....oh! please don't forget M-O-N-E-Y o!....it's the grease that MAKES the wheel of love run smoothly ....if no enough money for expenses love go jump out of the window o!.. [i don come again abi?*grinning*]

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  6. yea...sounds familiar...wrote something JUST like this earlier this week.

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  7. Relationships can be quite complicated and that includes the workings.

    Shared goals, openness and respect defintely go a long way.

    lol @ Nitty Gritty.

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  8. Tetekai, that is true. However, my AHTM actually goes beyond meeting the one to ask how do you cope in a crisis.

    Nitty Gritty, you have come again o, lol. But you're right sha, no finance, no romance.

    Chymere, I will check it out,

    @Naijalines, thanks dear.

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  9. Yep, had I known these things in my 20s I would be married by now *sigh*

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  10. Mutual respect is a biggie if you want a relationship to work. You were on point Myne. Loved the post

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  11. I'll add two big ones which are kind of related:

    - Tolerance. Sometimes, your SO will do something really irritating or annoying (not physically or materially harmful!) to drive you up the wall. You may have a long discussion, and it may turn out that your SO may agree to moderate or stop the behaviour. But sometimes, they may not - because it really is part of who they are. In that case, you have to learn to accept it. And of course, it works both ways - your SO also has to learn to tolerate similar behaviour from you under similar circumstances.

    - Compromise. It's crucial when resolving conflict to have as your priority a solution that works well for both of you, and to demonstrate willingess to listen to and work on such solutions. Even if such a solution is only 75% perfect for you, if it's 75% perfect for your SO, that is better than a solution that is 100% perfect for you and 0% perfect for your SO, just as you wouldn't want a solution that worked perfectly for them and was absolutely terrible for you.

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  12. Sex. Very good, mind-blowing, brain-warping sex. Highly essential. :D

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  13. Love is often not enough. There has to be a great amount of Tolerance. Patience and the willingness to be understanding goes a long way.

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  14. Hmmm, 'love' is never ever enough. We don't stumble in love but, make a conscious choice to love. So, we also have to continually & consistently work on it (love) for it to keep growing.

    Love does grow cold.

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  15. Hmmm, 'love' is never ever enough. We don't stumble in love but, make a conscious choice to love. So, we also have to continually & consistently work on it (love) for it to keep growing.

    Love does grow cold.

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  16. Hmmm, 'love' is never ever enough. We don't stumble in love but, make a conscious choice to love. So, we also have to continually & consistently work on it (love) for it to keep growing.

    Love does grow cold.

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  17. Great or successful relationship starts with self. Know / master thyself; know thyself. ... Don’t be evil .... do unto others as you want done unto you ... Commitment, compassion, consideration, courteousness, helpfulness, determination, fairness, gratitude, appreciation, loyalty, purposefulness, restraint, self control, responsibility, self-respect, sincerity, tactfulness, temperance, thoughtfulness, trustworthiness, truthfulness, unity, unselfishness, lovingness....I could go on and on....treat your other half as you'd like to be treated.

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  18. when it comes to love....men, the jury is still out on what it takes oh..i think its different for everyone...am still trying to figure out what i need from love and what it needs from me :(

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  19. You've said it all Myne.

    I agree with Tola, tolerance must be included too.

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  20. True talk Myne...some things are just needed for that lasting effect. The beauty and other superficial attributes fade away with time but values such as perseverance, mutual respect et al withstand the test of time.

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  21. All of the requirements would be there and it still might not be enough o.. Really.. One never really knows or has tall the answers..
    Luck perhaps..
    Definitely God and prayers o I tell you..
    Please other curry and thyme to add.

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  22. Practice self-control, loving, and self-forgetting service to your other half.

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  23. Great answers, some I had not even considered.

    @2cute, luck is definitely one of the main ingredients. LOL...

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  24. My To-Do List:

    1) Get love / be in love / fall in love or get run down by love, etc.

    2) Find out what Love is.

    3) Die for love.

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  25. Long distance relationship and long distance relationship support group are the keys to good and successful relationship. Absence makes the heart forget women and their unending wahala.

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  26. The last two anonymous, you're so funny! LOL...I hope you don't die for love as for LDR...LWKMD!

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  27. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  28. Now that my pop-up is finally working,I forgot all I wanted to say...

    But,yup,I agree that even with "the one",you gotta work @ it to sustain da r/ship.

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  29. Thanks for the comment Spesh, sorry about the pop-up thing. I'm glad it's working again.

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  30. Lol never been in a successful relationship so I woulldn't know what constitutes one.

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  31. Na wa o! Mehn where have I been?

    Anyway, MY own recipe is trust, honesty, love and COMMUNICATION. And course my hubby always insist that sex should be included... LOL.

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  32. Still yet to find that "romantic love" but for me it's acknowledgment of God as our guide, trust, compromise, honesty, good communication, mutual respect, great sex, being real, and being understanding.

    It does suck that love is not enough though:(

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  33. Saying I'm sorry when you are wrong.
    Never taking the other person for granted
    Great Sex.

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  34. Sex is important o, lol as well as saying sorry. Thanks for all the comments.

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  35. Thanks Myne,am a learner and urs has blessed me. I hear relationships are like a triangle,God stands on top with the man and woman at each base. He gives the direction and wisdom we require and ours is to look to him. You know, a three fold cord can't be broken but as sweet as it sounds we must work it out daily. For me its Trust, openness,wisdom for every direction and good communication and I will gladly include been humble to admit wrongs,love and when am married sex too ;)

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  36. Clear issues and move on after every row. you'll have less to deal with next time....and yes, there'll always be a next time.

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  37. now...this is wot i call cool.

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