Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Debate Tuesday - Who makes these rules anyway?

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What rules am I talking about you ask? Dating Rules of course. I was reading one of my favorite blog magazines, The Ladies Room, and they had asked some ladies how they fared on sticking to these rules. The question came to me immediately. Who makes these rules anyway? I am glad the ladies from the ladies room gave varied and interesting answers and did not always stick to how it was 'supposed' to be done.

The vexing thing is that these rules range from one end of the spectrum to the other so that if one is not careful, they end up running your life for you. There are guides on when and where to meet for the first date, what to talk about, what NOT to talk about, who should call the other first after the date, HOW - call, email, text - When to have the first kiss, When, IF, how, and where to have sex, When talk about each other, HOW to discuss any exes, when to meet friends or family, WHO pays for the first date, and so on and so on till infinity! OMG...I'm glad I bypassed all these rules and I'm very happy with how my relationship is turning out.

Anyway, I have collected some of the ones I found in various places, from Cosmo - that quintessential women's magazine, to Vogue, to Harper's, Sydney Herald, you name it. They are below. As you can see, many of them are contradictory to each other. It seems one columnist or editor wakes up one fine morning and cranks out the first ideas in his or her head and viola, Rules are born! For me, only the last one stands. However it stands, Whenever it ends, whatever happens in the middle, just have fun.

Feel free to tear into as many as you can.

Rule 1: The first date must always be lunch.
Rule 2: Always arrive with friends and always have somewhere to go
Rule 3: Don't sleep with him
Rule 4: Quit the texting
Rule 5: Make him prove that he'll take care of you
Rule 6: Rise above the guilt trip
Rule 7: Have multiple love interests
Rule 8: Have as much sex as you want
Rule 9: Ask men out
Rule 10: Don't tell your girlfriends
Rule 11: Don't assume you're the only one
Rule 12: Stick to texting
Rule 13: Stay clear of Facebook
Rule 14: Don't forget men have feelings too!
Rule 15: Diss men who make you mad
Rule 16: Never pay for the first date
Rule 17: Don't talk about the ex
Rule 18: Always pay your way
Rule 19: Have a code with girlfriend to end a bad date
Rule 20: Have fun


images courtesy of Google


  1. Is it possible that I am first...lol! I don't believe in rules anymore. One should be guided by their value systems. I remember the look of shock someone gave me when I said I paid the first time I went out with a particular person. But he was running late and I needed to get tickets and I wasn't going to go in late because he hadn't turned up yet. Maybe the rules are a guide but its true...who thought them up? And are these people even in successful relationships themselves. Do what you know to be right, love deeply which means putting your needs as a couple over your individual needs. The rest will follow..

  2. Rule 21. Trust your instincts, and use your common sense. Do not relegate your brain to the back burner just because a) you're lonely b) you're desperate c) you're lonely and desperate d).......
    Okay that's two rules, but hey, who's counting? lol.

  3. hmmm, i agreee oh. You see this rule thing, it has almost ruined my relationships in the past. For now, i dont follow rules again. The latest one was when i read some rules on one website that said things like:

    Dont cook for your boyfriend till he brings the ring

    Ensure you dont see him more than four times a month

    always act busy when he calls, let him feel you are too busy. It would make him think you are a woman who has many other things to attend to and he will struggle to be with you.

    Anyway, thank God i didnt follow them for long. no more rules for me again

  4. Hmmm...rules. Everyone of us is an individual. Can use some 'guidelines' but at end of the day, follow your instincts and have fun.

  5. jst finished 'copying', thanx myne :)

  6. Just going with the instincts and how the spirit leads.
    Let God take control abeg.
    The whole thing is trial and error based

  7. The problem is when people follow all these contradictory rules to the letter. They can be used as a guideline, as not EVERY individual will find that certain rules apply with them...but at the end of the day, go with the flow, take chance, have fun, live your life.

  8. Weeelll these rules are kinda there because some people need them. I mean seriously if you take a serial texter out on a date you will be glad she followed the no texting rule. 1st date being lunch helps to remove the awkwardness of being escorted home and coming up for coffee after dinner especially if you did not hit it off.
    Lastly I think we all have our internal rules that we follow too based on moral, personal or religious codes. I think the main idea is just to be yourself and follow whatever works for you.

  9. My motto in life is: Rules are made to be broken! :D I don't follow them.

  10. i believe people who make up all these rules are using to be amend 4 their personal failures in relationships. maybe, if they were too available to a guy & dat relationship crumbles, they add it to their rules. if they paid all the bills in a relationship & the guy bails on them, it goes into their rule book. in the end, rules can help a budding relationship. but once u r in & committed, it's best to throw those rules away & just go with the flow.

  11. some guidelines, yes. rules? heck no. there are no rules. what works for the person who made the rules dont have to work for me.

    dont cook for ur boyfriend until he gives u a ring?!?! now that works if he is a complete jackass but if he's not, what on earth could be wrong with cooking for my boyfriend?!

  12. Very funny, that "The Rules" pic, lol... i wish i'd written it.

  13. know your values
    and always decide up front what you will be doing and what you won't be doing.
    make room for plan b because things don't always go according to plan
    stick to your values and let it speak to you all through.
    don't do what is in vogue
    what do you want to do?

    I used to be a cosmo addict and i used to follow all the rules of dating and change with the rules as they changed. I was a fly-girl but all of my dates never really got to know me.

    We always looked good for the public sha, lol. was pretty shallow then

  14. Thanks for all the comments.

    @Jobs4naija, those are some funny rules sha. In the process, you will even lose the people you care for.

    @Joanna, I agree that some of the rules make sense but there are so many of them floating around, it becomes like noise. And they never take into account people's individuality.

    @NaijaLines and Omotee, yeah, they should be more like guidelines.

    @LG, LOL...be careful or you'll enter gutter by copying verbatim.

  15. @Nneka, yes o, you're first, lol. I love that your last sentence. One just has to love deeply and follow their heart.

    @2cute, indeed, na trial and error. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't. What happens if one follow all the rules and land the guy but it's not really you. Will they keep pretending for life?

    @Kay9, right? LOL...

    @Tisha, Not many people can pulll off being someone they're not for long. I'm glad you follow your own way now.

  16. good question...who indeed makes these rules, and what qualifies them to do so?

    I agree with you...people (ladies especially)need to be careful not to get overly swayed by these so-called dating rules...at best, they should be used as guides, in addition to one's own intuition and personal preferences...

  17. I couldn't stop laughing at this post knowing my sister was saying something similar to what you just wrote, some of this writers just don't even do any research before putting stuff out there to the general public.lol Forgive me for listing but cosmopolitan is #1 for doing that, hence I stopped reading.lol How you de girl?

  18. I follow rules,its how I was brought up so if you don't like it go find a villager,I make the rules and I follow,when I'm in I diss some of em.

  19. I follow rules,its how I was brought up so if you don't like it go find a villager,I make the rules and I follow,when I'm in I diss some of em.

  20. @Anoda Phase, thanks for the comment. Guides are what they really should be.

    @YNC, I'm fine thanks dear. Cosmo is so guilty, lol...I love it sha. It was my first taste of women's magazines.

    @Gretel, lol...just be careful when dissing.

  21. Very looooong hiss!
    Yes you're right...they suddenly jump up and decide to put up dating rules that lack any significance...non whatsoever!
    I find some downright hilarious and some are absolutely ridiculous! smh

  22. Erm...Aunty Myne, oya where is your 'Nigeria at 50' post? Abi u don forget say na ur day today?

    We are waiting o :)

  23. I quite agree with many of the rules even though I hardly follow rules myself.... l dont understand rule 2. Arrive with your friends for a date or am I missing something?

  24. @Mamuje, that is the rule. Maybe so that things don't become too hot and heavy, or too awkward, or whatever these rules think. I also don't believe in rules especially relationship and dating rules.

  25. Em...all of the rules are just utter rubbish.
    Rules are for control freaks like me. Just stick to 20 and forget the rest.

  26. Interesting.

    Never been on one (a date), but if I notice any power plays going on, I'm out.

    I wouldn't invite someone out if I'm not interested, simple.

  27. I've never been a fan of such rules and i hardly even pay attention to the advice in some of these magazines. Some of them spew a bunch of rubbish at times and the next thing is you'll find yourself going crazy. The motto should be what works for A, may not work for B. Finito. Like you, i follow rule 20.

  28. Rule 20 is the only one that must be considered 'do or die tryin' lol.

    'Diss men who make u mad' - who initiated this? mehn that's serious waste of energy!

    'Always arrive with friends'? - trust me, that'll be the first n last.

  29. Self confessed Cosmo addict here :-). (10 signs that shows he's into you. What his eating habits say about him.) I have some treasured leather-jacketed editions even! Honestly? Dating rules are over rated. Follow your intuition, it never leads you wrong.

  30. @PET, lol...some are so funny!

    @Ginger, me too...so love Cosmo but I think most of those stuff need to be taken with a pinch of salt.

  31. Hehe! Oh wow, the rules are even conflicting! The one that makes the most sense is 'Have Fun' and i think 'Just Be Yourself' should be No. 1. I think your dating rules should just be common sense- first date as lunch cause you don't want him having ideas at first (or dinner if you want him to), and if you really like him, i'm pretty sure you wouldn't be texting!

    You know, it really seems that all is lost in this country- things just go from bad to worst. But what can we do but hope for the best. It's home, and always will be. And i'd like to believe that God has kept this country this long, despite all the problems, for a pretty good reason!


  32. I've heard so many rules in my life but rule no. 1 beats them all. The first date must always be lunch.......... Seriously?

  33. @ Adiya and Koinonia, so we see it o, lol..


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