Tuesday, May 18, 2010

You know where to find me (BlogFest)

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So Roni Griffin of the Fiction Groupie is hosting the Let's Talk BlogFest. The main rule was
On Tuesday May 18, post a short excerpt on your blog of your most sparkly dialogue scene (no, I'm not talking about Edward Cullen). It can be anything dialogue-heavy--a laid-back chat, an all out argument, a flirty conversation, two friends ribbing each other--whatever. The options are endless.

Most of you know I prefer dialogue as my means of telling my stories so really I was spoilt for choice. In the end, I chose an excerpt from my WIP, Ghost from the past. Those who have been following will recognise the characters. This is ten years later. Enjoy...


“Please answer this truthfully,” Efe begged in low tones. “Did you really mean to marry me all those years ago?”

“Of course I did.”

“Were your parents in total support of your plans?”

“You know they were.” He was puzzled by all the questions. He’d taken her to meet them after all. “My father may have had his issues but he was still fond of you and wanted you for a daughter-in-law.”

“Then I don’t understand. Why did they tell me you didn’t want me anymore? They took back my engagement ring and said you never wanted to see or talk to me again.”

Kevwe recoiled. “Why would my parents do that?”

“I’d like to know that too.” She stepped back a little and tapped her feet on the graveled surface of the car park. Now that the tears had stopped, she began to feel her attraction to him return. But better to face the matter at hand.

“Efe, I’ll understand if you chose to any other reason to explain why you abandoned me but please don’t take my parent’s name in vain. Maybe your friends convinced you that you were too good and beautiful for a lame man or whatever.”

“How could you have bought such a lame idea?” She rolled her eyes at the pun. “I could never have abandoned you! Your parents said they had convinced you of my unworthiness but you wanted them to pass along your message. Your father broke the news to me and your mother was there too.”

“Stop this!” Kevwe snapped. His anger began a slow burn. He knew she and his father never got on but the old man could not have taken matters into his hands like that. His mother in particular knew how close they were and really liked Efe.

“For crying out loud, I almost died when I learnt you left me! Don’t make up these stories now.”

“Are you calling me a liar?” Efe queried in disbelief.

“Do you expect me to call my parent’s liars then?” Kevwe shook his head in vehemence. He wouldn’t be moved on this.

“Efe, you can’t play with my intelligence like this.” She couldn’t come out of the blue with one cock-and-bull story and expect him to accept it, hook, line and sinker. “Don’t think no one would refute your statements...”

“Kevwe, I think I know what happened. Your parents must have lied to me and maybe to you too…”

He didn’t wait for her to finish but continued. “Listen, my parents stood by me through it all, especially my mother. When I wanted to give up because you, Efe, you were not there, she sat at my bedside throughout the night and spoon-fed me herself. When the POP itched, it was my mother that scratched it for me.”

Kevwe was jerked out of the dark past to the present by the sound of Efe blowing her nose noisily into the handkerchief in her hands. He bit his tongue and turned his head away. After blinking away the clouds, he faced her again.

It broke her heart to hear him talk about his accident like this, and she had not been there. She raised a face covered with streaming tears up to him. “That must have been horrible time for you. I can’t imagine the pain you went through…”

“So you can understand why I don’t want to hear any bad word about my parents. They were there for me while you were nowhere to be found…”

“Kevwe, I didn’t even know you had an accident!” She shouted finally in frustration.

There was a moment of silence after her outburst before Kevwe sneered. “Please, don’t tell me you weren’t aware.” He hissed through his teeth. His parents had said she was informed. “My father sent several messages to tell you about it and when you finally came, you handed back your ring. You said you couldn’t marry me, couldn’t manage a man who’d be crippled for life.”

“That’s so not true!” Efe was lost for words. This was worse than she thought. “Kevwe you know me better than that.” She had loved you with everything that was in her. She would have stood by him through whatever.

“Pardon me, but I didn’t see you by my side when it mattered most.” He was dismissive, but then turned intense again. “Where were you when the pain became overwhelming and I cried like a baby? Where were you when the physiotherapist insisted I had to walk? When I had to learn to walk again with crutches, were you there to encourage me? Were you there?”

She stared at him with tear-soaked eyes till he stopped. She fished in her handbag and thrust a business card at him. “Call me when you’re ready to listen. I think we’re done here.”

As she passed by him, he grabbed her by the arm and twisted her round. They stood panting and staring down each other for a long minute. Efe broke the spell.

“Please let me go, you are hurting me.” She hissed.

Kevwe’s hands loosened and then finally dropped off.

Efe whispered furiously at him and then ignored his call as she walked to the idling car. Kevwe stared till they left the complex and then turned to stalk back into the building. Her last words echoed in his head. “Again, if you’re serious about hearing my own side or my version of events, you know where to find me.”


So what do you think?

ps, the Just Wright movie review is still coming.


  1. Wow, talk about intense! Kind of heartbreaking, really, and interesting to see both sides of a story through this dialogue. A lot of good plot movement and characterization here. I did notice some POV shifts-- first we're in Efe's head, then Kevwe's, and it shifts a few times. It was definitely emotionally powerful!

  2. suspenseful ......nudging me ahead...weldone.

  3. This is some of the best stuff I've seen you write! Conflict, suspense, emotion, everything's in there to make a good scene. :)
    Nice job!

  4. You have captured quite well the frustration of people trying to communicate when entrenched in opposite views of the past--especially ones that have cut them both so deeply. Intense, wonderful work.

  5. Wow! The POV shifts were a little hard to follow sometimes, but what intense dialogue. Oddly, I found myself more sympathetic to Efe than to Kevwe.


  6. Oooh...I want to know what happened and why his parents lied. Also, if these two will find their way back to each other. Well done!

  7. Thanks for the comments, I'm so happy you liked it, this was quite difficult to write for me and it is still in the second draft.

    @Iapetus, that is high praise indeed. :)

  8. @Susan Fields, It will be in the book, maybe it will even appear here, just maybe. I can't give away too much now can I? LoL..

  9. Oh wow... We've jumped to the future... Damn... This WIP is really progressing o... I loved this scene- I could feel the frustration and pent-up anger... It was great. "She had loved you with everything that was in her. She would have stood by him through whatever." The POV shift here is kind of awkward, though... I'm guessing it was a typo?

    P.S. Just cos I can... tedemai (n.) an unnecessarily fancy and/or meaningless word. E.g. "metamorphosis" is such a tedemai for "change"

  10. Just wanted to say thanks for the comment and big hugs back. Will be back to read this story..

  11. Awesome.we are now in the future.i could imagine the pent-up emotions of years past surfacing..intense..

    this was really spectacular, Myne..kudos and pls more, more , more..let's know how they got here..puleeeesssss

  12. Nice piece Myne...i like that i could relate

  13. wow nice.........still adjusting to the name change.........poor kevwe. very emotional.....lets go back to the happy younger times! when their luv was blooming, without the hurt and pain :)
    yeah i did enjoy this piece

  14. Make I no talk lie make God no slap me from heaven, true to tell I don't understand the blogfest hence I can't contribute.. I'd wait for your next write that I can follow.. Cheers!Shebi you've joined 'them' now oh.. What's with this word Verification naaa? See suffer!

  15. Thanks for the comments.

    @2cute4u, I completely forgot! Going to change it now, lol.

    @all, we'll soon be going back to the early years of love.

  16. Oh, so sad! I want to know what happens next. Good job :)

  17. back to the future lol...hmm myne you really have to fill the gaps, this was great!

  18. Suspense filled, heart breaking...Have i missed some part of the story.

  19. Loving this, loving you, MW!

  20. @Miss Natural Thank, I'm waiting.

    @Lara, no you haven't. This is just me shifting the goal post.

    @Peter, thanks!

  21. Wow, amazing scene Myne!!! So much emotions involved...me likey!!!

  22. Aww so well written, it's got my. Mind spinning like how did they get there?

  23. hi Myne,this was impressively done
    Didn't know you were married,so sad

  24. BB, thanks, :)

    @Darlyn, you will see, it's a long road.

    @Gretel, thanks but why are you sad? LOL...

  25. This was intense! I really enjoyed the dialogue. I'm not sure what POP is though. Maybe that's a mystery or something I should know and I just don't. Your writing is great I'm excited about this book.

  26. The first comment said it all. This was intense and I was hooked.

  27. This is late, but I absolutely love the intensity you put in. Thanks for being such a wonderful writer.


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