Saturday, May 22, 2010

When Love is Gone

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My ex was my first real boyfriend. I met him when I was twenty-one and in my third level in university. I was doing my internship with a bottling company and he was an Engineer who had just joined them after his national service. We bonded quickly and became firm friends. I went back to school after my mandated two months and we tried to keep in touch through emails, text messages and phone calls. Along the line, these channels dried up to a trickle from both sides. One day, he called to tell me he had just bought a car and would like to visit me in school. I was then in final year. I agreed and we fixed a date.

He asked me out officially that day and said he would want us to think of marriage. I was surprised but happy. I liked him and felt he would make a good husband. We courted throughout my service year and I was lucky to get a job in the same city as he was. By then we had been together for almost three years and I had known him for almost a couple more. He spoke to my parents and they were happy for me. We did the first step of the marriage process and moved in together to save on costs in the city. Everything was going on well and I was dreaming of a wedding within the year.

My ex came back from work one evening and said he was tired of the relationship. He didn’t see himself with me in the long term any more. I asked if he was cheating, if there was another woman but he denied it. Strangely, I believed him. He said he had remapped his life and wanted to travel abroad to study. I said I would come with him, I would wait for him but he refused. This was the end he said. He would be moving out in a week and I could do as I wanted with the rented flat. No question could get any better answer from him. I was angry. I ranted and railed at him. After that, I cried and wailed. These were still angry tears. I couldn't believe it. When I felt like hitting him, I knew I had to leave the house. I stormed out.

I needed to let it out but who could I talk to? Not my parents certainly. My thoughts were so jumbled. After going round in circles, I called my closest friend and confided in her. She was in shock. I was also still in shock. I felt numb. We talked for a while but could not figure it out. I went back home to find the beans I had been cooking for dinner burning. My ex had also left the flat. We had almost set the house on fire but that was not my major problem. I was consumed by thoughts of our relationship. I relived the years, the months, the days. I agonized over every minute, every word, and every action. It had not really hit me, not yet. I was overwhelmed but looking back, I had not even begun to truly feel what a breakup meant.

I was hoping we would get back together. I kept thinking and saying "I don't know what I'm going to do. What am I going to do? Where am I going to start? This cannot be the end." My friend had encouraged me not to think about that, to just get through the next few days. But it wasn’t that easy. I was almost as good as married. I had known my ex for over five years. That was more than half of my adult life. I felt anchorless and lost. My whole life seemed to have been jarred off-course and I was floating with no clue in which direction to head or where to land. I waited for him but my ex didn’t come back. I thought I wouldn’t but I must have fallen asleep at a point. I woke up to a lonely bed with a tear-soaked pillow.

I got to work dazed the next day and spent most of the day chatting on yahoo messenger with my closest friend. She didn’t try to cheer me up because I told her not to bother. I went unto facebook and changed my status. What I did was remove the option of relationship status completely from my page. Don’t get it wrong, it wasn’t that I wanted everyone to know, not at all. I wanted to use that to see if it would bring my ex back to his senses. I told myself this was just a quarrel, a tiff, an ill wind that would soon blow over. It wasn’t possible that my ex was willing to throw so many years down the drain. I kept shaking my head throughout that day that I almost developed a crick in the neck. After work, I dallied in the office delaying the time to go home and also thinking of what to say to him, strategizing.

Finally I walked out and got on the bus. I remember sitting down and beginning to shed tears almost immediately. I couldn't stop the tears. I pulled out my sunglasses and put them on. The tears just trickled out steadily and I tried to stem the flow with a tissue jammed below the glasses. It was almost dark so I did not get much attention from the other passengers. If I did, I didn’t notice. I was lost in my own world of pain. That ride was a blur. When I got home, I tried to eat but had no appetite. I don't remember eating much that first week. I do remember looking at the clock or my watch several times and at different points in time. It would calculate the hours and days and minutes and sometimes even seconds. I knew it wouldn’t change anything but still, I couldn’t help doing it.

Four days later my ex moved out. That was three days earlier than he said he would. That day I had come back from work to see that he had started moving out his things from the flat. I was confused and fear began to really sink it’s clutches in me. Next to the fact that he hadn’t eaten any of the food I made sure was ready for him, this was the biggest nail in the coffin of my hope. I just couldn’t let him go just like that. I made sure I stayed awake till he returned at almost midnight. It was the first night we were speaking since the breakup. I asked him to reconsider. I cried, I held him, I seduced him. Yes I admit it, I forced myself on him and we made love. It was after that that he moved out.

He admitted that though he was still attracted to me, it didn’t change anything. When he walked out the front door, I literally felt my heart break. That night, I emailed a handful of close friends to tell them the news. I called my mother and broke down to her. She tried her best but there really was no consoling me that night. I remember wondering if I should go to work the next day. What reason would I use to call in? I get paid sick days but don't like to lie. I was heartsick. True, I was physically sick to some extent - I felt like vomiting and I did. I heaved out everything in me and at the end I was empty and completely exhausted.

I did become sick and ended up not going to work for the next remaining days of the week. I didn’t even step out of the house for those two days and the following weekend. My friend who I had first told came to stay with me. I kept bursting into tears at every turn. It wasn’t pretty and I’m still very grateful to her. Looking back, I don’t know what I would have done if she had not been there. I couldn't believe what was happening to me. I was falling apart right before my eyes. I kept telling myself to snap out of it. This was my first relationship and I told myself that I was not special. People suffer breakups all the time and get over it like swatting away a fly. By that Sunday, I decided to go to work the next day. Life must go on.

I dressed well that day. I had recently had a makeover with the help of my friends. It was possible that I had noticed my ex withdrawing and that was why I had my friends help me in shopping for new stuff a couple of months before then. But that was all in the past and had not helped any. I refused to think about him as I primped while getting ready for work. When I was a child, my mother always said that dressing up when you’re feeling sick or moody made you feel better. With this in mind, I put on a yellow skirt and a red blouse. I put on some nice jewelry, topped it with my best wig and headed off to work.


*pictures from Google images.


  1. Oh dear, break-ups are really no fun!

  2. Kai! I had secretly hoped I would be first!
    Myne, Like I've said, I'm loving this so much.
    The way you described the heartbreak.. the desperation, disbelief and all, you made it real! I'm loving this.. So, for that, I put up a short story for essentially for your consumption on
    Since you think I can write lol..

  3. my God! this is so this a real story,Myne?

  4. Thanks Chacha, I will check it out.

    @My world, it is based on a true story.

    @MBLS, they're no fun indeed.

  5. Damn! I felt lyk this was happenin t me mehn, the way u described it...
    *sigh* break ups r soo not kul. But I dnt understand thow, he just up nd decided he wanted out?? that makes no sense!

  6. awwwwwwwww so sad, but she got up and quick to....thats what i like

  7. @B, this was based on a true story so I guess it happens like that sometimes. People just get tired of a relationship.

    @Neefemi, she's still a work in progress. The story is not over yet. Thanks for reading.

  8. So how about heartbreak caused by ladies,we men are in trouble now

  9. My heart goes out to her,Myne......I wish her more strength as her heart gets to heal.

  10. HMMMM, I can so identify..
    I've bad..
    I told you something on facebook
    Don't say my name..!

  11. this feels so real it makes me scared of does ur man for five years leave u wiv a crappy explanation like dat...*looking upwards* God please!

  12. @Muyiwa, someone needs to write that one, but not me, lol.

    @My World, you're so right.

    @Sosexy, where have you been? Take care of you please,

    @Honey, for me that is the greatest mystery but I've heard marriages that fell apart like that too.

  13. Pretty good. It happens. It's like hearing a girl friend narrate her experience of heartbreak.

  14. very touching story, i guess he never loved her in the first place, she was just part of a plan and when the plan changed he couldn't see her necessity anymore. what happened to love?

  15. That brought back so many memories, I mourned relationships before they ended, you know when he doesn't call as frequently, or you just realize he's not going to defy his family for you, or give up his wife. . .lol. Life sure does go on.

  16. @NaijaLines, thanks.

    @FSR, I think I agree with you, what happened to love indeed?

    @Moji, I did that too :). And yeah life went on all the same.

  17. There are many similarities in this story and what I've chronicled on my blog since my breakup last year.

    Is this fiction or did it happen to you?

  18. This is just so sad...

    Ive had the same experience. You just feel so numb. But Ive learnt that if they want to go, you just have to let them go. By holding on to scraps, you are literally devaluing your self. How can you stay? when this person has said I dont want you any more?

    Its all about internal strength at times like this.

  19. This is just so sad...

    Ive had the same experience. You just feel so numb. But Ive learnt that if they want to go, you just have to let them go. By holding on to scraps, you are literally devaluing your self. How can you stay? when this person has said I dont want you any more?

    Its all about internal strength at times like this

  20. This is really touching, i felt like crying while reading it. I can't believe he just left her for no reason i think he never loved her at first. That is what scares me most about relationships. *sigh*

  21. I'm looking forward to the sequel..

    Heartbreak feels a bit like getting sick doesn't it? You stop eating, can't get out of bed etc.

  22. he just upped and and their after so long,she's no longer the one.

    but mehnn, heartbreaks are real bitches..i long to read of when she will find true love.

  23. The first one is always the hardest.

  24. More as soon as possible, Thank you. I feel like I know her honestly,

    Can't wait for the rest

  25. Thanks for all the comments! I am touched. The sequel is coming soon.

  26. left her with no explanation my ass!

    She should have thrown his things out jo!

    Just watch he will come back begging, they always do!



  27. ...and you never noticed anything
    nothing amiss any day

    well you are here today so that says something.
    I am sure it made you a better person even though it hurt at the time.

  28. I preferred to get acquainted with the story from the beginning, so I began reading this first, before the sequel.


    I feel her despair radiating through the words, deep into my soul. I feel her physical pain, which I known can't be compared by any yardstick to her inner turmoil. In a few situations, relationships end so suddenly, with no warning signs. And in other situations, the broken string is staring at you, but can’t be fixed. I hope she makes a conscious effort to feel alive once more, and eventually does.

  29. @Tisha and Raindrops, Thanks for the comments. I'm glad you followed the story.

    @Fabulo-la, he never did come back, this is not one of my romances. lol...

  30. wait was this real? This was terrible. I felt it. Again myne you are an amazing storyteller!

  31. Only time can tell and heal. You will be amazed waking up one day that the feeling is not that intense as compared to yesterday. Keep loving and living.


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