Saturday, May 22, 2010

A Hook line for A Heart to Mend - BlogFest

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Thanks to Bryan of the Time Guardian Blog for hosting the Logline/Hook line Blogfest!. So what's a logline? According to Bryan;

A logline (also known as a hook line) is a single snappy sentence that conveys the gist of your story. It’s one of those things that sounds so simple and clean when it’s done right, yet can be a royal pain to create.

Think of it this way: if working on your query is a necessary evil, then you can consider fashioning your logline to be a high-pressure condensed form of that hell.

I think this is a very interesting blogfest because it doesn't call for much writing whether excerpts or new writing. But after hanging up my blogfest boots, I had to come back to do this one. Why? Well I have this book out and apart from the blurb, or the synopsis, I don't have a hook line for it. So this may be the best opportunity to do this and hear what people have to say. But this is not the hook line, lol. OK Here goes...

1. Emotionally scarred Edward is Mr. Ice to all his friends, that is until he meets Gladys, who is even more stubborn than he is and who will fight to the end for him and their love.

2. Newly arrived in Lagos and with a chip on her shoulder, Gladys accepts the help of wealthy but mysterious Edward Bestman, saves his business empire and mends his heart.

3. The relationship between Edward and Gladys had withstood all the usual pitfalls but will it survive the takeover of his business and the secrets of his illegitimacy?

4. Chief Okrika believes he will destroy his enemy and rival by taking over his financial empire, how was he to know that in the process Edward Bestman's heart would be mended by Gladys, his fiancée?


  1. I think merging aspects of #1 and #4 might do well, as it forms an interesting triangle between Edward, Gladys, and Chief Okrika.

    Aside from that, the other suggestion I have is to start with your protagonist -- you've several loglines that focus on different characters, so I'm not sure who is the mc.

    Finally, can you introduce more of the risk factor -- what consequences will happen to your mc if [key decision/action] doesn't work right?

    Thanks for putting on those blogfest boots once more to join in!

  2. I kind of like Nr 3 and Nr4, perhaps a combination of those? That would cover all the main story parts and what Bryan calls the triangle, wouldn't it?

    Although I think we're meant to avoid questions...

    This is a difficult exercise, isn't it? Thank you for posting on my blog and giving me your opinion!

  3. Thanks Bryan, great that you mention the risk factor, I see now that it's actually the most important aspect of the book.

    @Tessa, thanks. I just found out too from other entries that questions are no good. I will have to rework the last two entries like you suggested.

  4. I really like the first one the best. I feel like I have more information...only thing I would add is why he's scarred.

  5. I think the third one is definitely the best... The ones phrased as questions work best to spark a potential reader's curiousity...

  6. I like number two: everything you need to say to attract attention.

  7. I was here..
    But can't add anything to this post since I can't deduce anything from this..
    Did you take note of the prose I posted on naijastories? I didn't see it.. Don't get..

  8. I liked number 3 and 4 the best. These are really good :) I think they captured my interest the most though because I wanted to know so much more about them from those lines ;)

  9. Wow, I can feel the plot thicken with #4 when you mentioned Chief Okrika and the financial empire. I know it's not a good thing to end it in a question, though, as I was told when I wrote it that way in a query letter.

    One thing that confused me about that is, whose financial empire? Okrika's or Edward's?

    Tell me your thoughts on my loglines !

  10. Thanks for reminding me about this blogfest. My entry's now up.

    I like your loglines #1 and #3 best. I like the last half of #3 a lot - secrets and takeovers. I want to read on. Good luck with choosing your hook line and good luck with your book.

  11. I can't believe I thought this blogfest was tomorrow! I totally missed it. :(

    I think I liked the first one the best because it tells us something of their personalities. #4 threw me a bit because I didn't know anything about Chief Okrika. I'd have to agree with Bryan's advice to start with the protagonist to give the reader a strong grounding in the story.

  12. I love #1 and #2 so much and I can't decide between the two. Lol. Good job. #1 is probably better...maybe.

  13. Like Bryan, I believe the merging of #1 and #4 would be an excellent logline. All of them are fine. I also like #2. You are a fine writer. Bravo at a hard task, Roland

  14. I like number 2 and 4. Great job.

  15. I don't have much more to add to the other comments but definitely focus on one character and what their main goal is and what's stopping them from achieving it. What's their major choice?

  16. Thanks for the comments. This exercise will definitely come in handy when I have to do the hook for my current WIP.

  17. Since I think Edward is the MC in your story, I think that first logline is the best. I don't know if I like "Mr. Ice" though. I think you can talk about him being distant without adding in a phrase that's somewhat cliche. Good job!

  18. This sounds like a juicy story! I like the idea repeated in the comments about combining #1 and #4. You could start it, "Emotionally scarred Edward is Mr. Ice to all his friends, until he meets his rival's fiancee Gladys..." Or something like that. If the love story AND the financial rivalry are central to the plot, I would try to get them both in there. That makes it much higher-stakes than a simple love story.

  19. Lovy, your comments are noted, I am thinking of combining 1 and 4.

    Genie, thanks for your comments. The rivalry is crucial to the plot and I see why it is really necessary.


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