Monday, April 5, 2010

I will Survive

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First I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
But I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to carry on
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive
It was Gloria Gaynor who first sang this song about ended relationships, heart break and how the lady got over it and moved on. And moving on to our topic, this is spring, the beginning of the rainy season in many places. The time to plant new seeds and watch them grow and flourish. Leaves come back to denuded trees and the fields turn green again. Easter is just round the corner, associated with the resurrection of Jesus Christ and new beginnings. My article will deal with surviving a negative experience in a relationship and moving on. This is a topic close to my heart because I have witnessed a lot of people who have found it difficult to come into a new life after such an experience. In my book, A Heart to Mend, I wrote about characters who overcame their pasts of adversity to blossom again in love.
I am your quintessential romantic but I do know that love and relationships sometimes are not forever. Some of us have suffered heartbreak. It can hurt as hell; we think our hearts are literally broken and seeping blood into our chest. We feel small, wounded, beaten and left to die. But the truth is that we get over it. It may take some time, it may take some strong words, it may take physical or mental breakdown but in the end, we will overcome. The lady in the song, we will look our heartbreakers in the face and tell them to go eat s**t. We will rave, we will cry, we will weep and mourn the dead relationship. But if we tap into the strength inside each of us, we will recognize when it is time to move on.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her book, On death and Dying, listed five stages of grief and loss; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Losing a relationship is a bit like losing someone to death. Most people go through similar cycles and stages as they make their way back to a place of balance for them. They deny that the breakup ever happened; they do not let others know. Not their family, not their friends and certainly no other person beyond this group. They boil with anger towards the ex, maintaining that there is no break-up or acting like there wasn’t. They refuse to move out if they were living together; and then begin to give reasons to remain in the relationship. Even when separation is complete, they still find themselves cooking enough for two, speaking to an empty house, just depressed. Painful right? I agree. It is difficult to think of new beginnings at this point but it is possible. This is the story of a friend. If you’ve ever had your heart broken, check if it’s similar to yours.


So it's a new month and a new issue over on Afrikan Goddess. In the spirit of spring and all things new, I wrote an article on overcoming heart break for the online magazine. The excerpt above is just the preamble, you should all go over THERE and read the whole story. Do leave comments on what you think...


  1. First??? The song is amazing! It is one of those classics that gets you every time... Love it...

    Interesting point about likening the end of a relationship to death... I should read the rest of the article.

    By the way, Myne... I was just updating when you put up that comment. We have a new post now. :)

  2. myne...long time....missed u...nice sturvs u do on the blogspot..take care

  3. I liked the piece Myne... It was very down-to-earth and realistic. I think too often, that whole Jay Z thing of getting the "dirt off your shoulder" is screamed from the roof tops but we know that is impossible when real feelings are involved. The fact that she tried to get him back so desperately showed that she was only human, and I could totally relate. Like I said, as long as one knows life can go on, even if it is at a standstill at that point is very important.

  4. Great piece! Definitely relatable down to the lyrics of the song lol. Ah, we women share so much in common, even the roadblocks lol

  5. Lovely store...very inspiring! I will survive also!!!!

  6. Lovely peice of writing. Is it just me or is moving on harder when you get older?

  7. Thanks for the comments.

    @F and Mamuje, Moving on is not easy at all and yes I think it gets harder the older we become. The regret of past years and the fear about how to start all over again. Still we survive.

  8. I'm glad you can still identify spring over there.Here it is harmattan,summer and rainy season rolled into one.No wahala though;love thrives in every season.

  9. You make me wonder what it is that makes me go directly from loss to acceptance. I don't think it's just me either. There must be others like me.
    Could it be a preset mind-frame that nothing lasts forever?


  11. nice write-up..i can definately relate first hand to this...

    the denial
    the hope that he'l change his mind and what have you and then the
    FREE AT LAST phase...a wonderful place to be if u ask me

  12. The song resonates the determination to go on in spite of a heartbreak - whether in a relationship or by physical death.
    Nice post. Enjoyed till the end

  13. Thanks for the comments.

    @Towncrier, I heard of the harmattan haze, na wa oo.

    @Mike, I think there are people with different reactions to loss. One might move to acceptance immediately or it may take a while longer especially in the inner thoughts

  14. u totally blogged about me! but i'm happy that i'm singing...i will survive...yeea !

  15. Nice piece. Moving on is hard but we just have to do it.

  16. This hit close to home. Lovely piece Myne!

  17. I can not describe the many stages I have gone through. And they do not come in any sequence either. Grief, depression, sadness, anger, depression again, irritation, etc...It just goes on and on. However, the one thing I know for SURE is that time does heal. Every day is better than the one before, and one year later is much better than one year ago. I am looking forward to better days.

    My advice to anybody going through anything tough in their lives is "one day at a time". When you wake up, your one and only goal is getting through just that day. Not tmrw, not next week, not the future, just that day.

    A memory will flash, you will shed a tear, and you will continue your wont go away, but you will learn to live with it.

    And then one day a memory will flash through your mind, but this time, you will just smile or shrug...and continue your day.

    C'est la vie.

  18. Waffarian, you just hit the nail on the head. Thank you so much for sharing.

    @Funkola, we many as they say. And we will survive.

  19. Great one Ms. Myne, and something that a lot of us can relate to.

  20. Thanks Muyiwa and Original, I agree this is a topic that will continue to be relevant.

  21. Wow, u know that feeling even though the relationship is not over it is just on one mad course and it hurts bad? oh well even people in that situation can relate to this
    I liked reading this Myne :)

    How was Easter?
    Mine was fab

  22. Hi Sweetness, We had a great easter over here too. Good to hear yours went fine. Take care and enjoy the rest of the week.

  23. love this post,cheers

  24. i love the song.

    i also love justice and mercy. Half-truths are a turn-off

  25. heartbreak is terrible,ive had my heart chipped, sratched, grated on but never broken. each on of those experiences were sooo bad. It takes grace and strenght to move on. no easy feat i tell u. ps I will survive is a lovely song.

  26. Thanks for the comments girls, I will Survive is a favorite song too.

  27. Hits close to home. Great post.


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