Joro Olumofin writes on his Instagram that he often gets email from women such as this one which says something like, “I’ve been dating Dapo for 3 years how do I get him to propose?” and he has decided to share a post to enlighten women on what to do in such scenarios. Read below...
Before I begin this article I’d like to give a basic definition of Psychology; which is the ability to study, prevent or predict a behavior or patterns of behaviors.
A lot of ladies today fall in this category which I refer to as “loving & waiting” this is a situation whereby a lady has emotionally and physically fallen for and chosen a man but is stuck or fed up with the status quo of uncertainty as a result of the man’s cold feet, love for the bachelor lifestyle and unwillingness to commit.
There are 5 approaches for dealing with “Loving and Waiting”: (1) Confrontation (2) Patience (3) Hints (4) Indirect Pressure (5) Elimination.
(1) Confrontation: This is a face to face sit-down or hard talk about the status of your relationship, future and potentials. Ladies take note that Confrontation should be done objectively i.e. absolutely without emotions or sentiment. This is for you to see and think clearly without you factoring his good sex, money, handsome features, family ties etc. Confrontation will give you a good idea of his mindset or cognition. Although a lot of ladies don’t feel comfortable about confrontation because it makes them look desperate or too needy, sometimes you should think of yourself rather than what people think
(2) Patience: This is a safe approach towards “Loving & Waiting” because there is no drama and sudden breakup like confrontation but Patience may not always turn out well because TIME and emotions are at stake and also some men don’t mind if u wait for 5 years they may still not step up.
(3) Hints: These are commonly used by some ladies who drop hints for their boyfriends in order for him to pick the hint and act on it or even make a comment. For example: ‘I wish I could wake up beside u every day’, ‘fatherhood will look good on you’, ‘you’re the last person I want to have sex with’, ‘our children will be so hot’, ‘your surname fits my name so bad’.. Men react in different ways to hints as personalities differ but any man who continuously ignores or has deaf ears to hints isn’t on the same page with you
(4) Indirect Pressure: Most men have that one person who they hold in high regard or esteem most times could be a family member; mom, dad, sister, aunt – these people sometimes could serve as a bridge and sway him in the right direction.
(5) Elimination: Some ladies have been in or are currently in relationships for more than 4 years and they still don’t know what their man is going to do or what the plan is. Sometimes the best approach is elimination because men feel comfortable, take you for granted when they believe they have you 100% so if you leave or breakup with him he may realize what he misses and comeback or better still if he doesn’t it gives you an opportunity to move on with your life and not waste time.
I once wrote an article about saying no to “long courtships” because they don’t end well sometimes and people get emotionally scared and attached to a person for years without being able to leave or move on. The reason for me defining Psychology at the beginning of this article is that we should all be able to “study, prevent and predict” behaviors of our lovers, partners, husbands etc. based on their traits and personality through observation.
In my opinion after 1 or 2 years an evaluation should be done regarding the path of the relationship, no relationship should lead to 4 or 5 years without commitment.
Lastly, society and the people are not ready for women to take charge of their relationships i.e. women can’t propose to their lovers but all they can do is wait, and the women who have been bold enough to propose have been stereotyped and culturally crucified.