By Jenna Brown
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. In every relationship there will be arguments and problems. They won’t be constant (at least, they shouldn’t be constant) but they will pop up from time to time. Sometimes though, these problems grow and become too big for the relationship to survive.
Before we start detailing some of the problems that you should be aware of, it is important to know that most of the time these problems are going to be outside of your control. All of the compromises and adapting you try to do will not solve them or magically make them go away. It’s a hard reality to accept but it is important that you do so. It might even literally save your life.
1. Problem: Abusive Behavior
Domestic abuse is a tricky subject because, a lot of the time, by the time you realize that you are being abused, you are already deeply entrenched in your relationship. This is because abusers almost never wear signs around their necks that detail the ways in which they like to abuse their partners. It also almost never looks the way it does in television shows or movies so do not feel bad that it may have taken you some time to realize what has been happening to you.
There are lots of different types of domestic abuse. It is important to understand not only what they are but to understand how the abuse cycle works. What you need to understand, as we’ve already said, is that no matter what your partner might try to tell you, their behavior is not your fault. Even if you became their picture of perfection, they would simply change their mind about what that picture should look like.
Sometimes, with relationship counseling and individual therapies, abusive behavior can be corrected and the relationship can be saved. More often than not, though, you will be better off leaving.
2. Problem: Drug AbuseDrug and alcohol abuse are serious problems in any relationship. It is important to know that it is possible to overcome an alcohol or drug addiction, even when the drug in question is something particularly illicit and scary, like heroin. It is also important to know that you cannot force an addict to get better. You can do your best to help him/her recognize the addiction for what it is. You might even be able to force him/her into treatment. In order for these things to work, though, the addict has to want to get better. Otherwise the risk of relapse is incredibly high.
Nobody is going to fault you for working hard to help your partner get the help that he or she needs. In fact, this is exactly what you should do. It is important, though, that you understand your own limits. If you’ve tried everything and your partner refuses to get help or get better, you might have to choose own life over the commitment you’ve made.
3. Problem: InfidelityThe number of openly polyamorous relationships is higher than it has ever been. And, if you are in a mutually agreed upon polyamorous relationship, multiple partners is completely fine. If you were under the impression that your relationship was a monogamous one--especially if your partner agreed to a monogamy--and you find out that your boyfriend or girlfriend has been taking on other partners that’s not polyamory. That’s cheating.
Cheating does not necessarily have to destroy a relationship, but it certainly has the potential to do so. Cheating destroys trust that has been built up and could even put you at risk for a variety of diseases and medical conditions.
If a partner cheats, you don’t automatically have to throw in the towel. If you choose to do so, however, nobody can fault you for that.
Sometimes you find yourself facing relationships that simply cannot be repaired. This is okay. It is also okay to leave relationships that have become abusive, dangerous or that have stopped working. Often, especially where these three problems are concerned, leaving is the best thing you can do for yourself.