Tuesday, January 13, 2015

30-Year-Old Woman Needs Advice To Help Her Leave Abusive Marriage



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I am Mrs. Uche, I got married 2 years ago to a man who lives and works abroad.  I am currently going through some hell called marriage. I am abused psychologically, emotionally, financially and otherwise.

It all started a year after our wedding. That same sumptuous guy I thought was an angel changed automatically into a legendary nightmare. I stopped seeing those characteristics I thought he had before we walked down the aisle to profess our love.
He became so arrogant, wicked and proud.

He started by rejecting my second pregnancy, hence accusing me of infidelity. Before my first pregnancy, I accepted his younger sister who is a little bit older than me into our home with love, hoping to get some love and appreciation for my kindness.

The reverse became the case. This lady turned out to be the most painful bee sting I’ve ever had in life. She hated me and some of my visiting siblings for no just cause. It got to a point where she started leveling all sorts of unimaginable accusations against me (including doing charms and cheating on his brother).

Being naïve, my husband never really confronted me based on any of the accusations; all he did was act on them instead. I was never protected, defended nor spoken for by my beloved husband, not even when he knew that his family members hated me with passion before our solemnization.
As days went into weeks, and weeks into months, my pride was taken away from me.my hubby started treating me as though I was a maid. He practically took decisions with his sister on my behalf, all they do was to make me accepted their decisions, which practically degraded, demoralized and killed my pride as a wife and mother. All I did was to look unto God for the grace and strength to persevere.

My second pregnancy, which was to make my husband of just one year mellow down and recognize me as his lovely wedded wife, did nothing but worsened the entire drama.

"…so what they have been telling me is true eh? If you are truly pregnant, you will suffer…"

Those were the exact words of my love the moment I told him that I was pregnant with our second baby. Well he meant it, because he seized calling us like he used to, he stopped giving us financial support meant for feeding and domestic expenses, knowing fully well that I can neither work nor do business, since our first child (who was always sick) was just seven (7) months old and besides am down with another one.

I went through hell just to survive with my baby; it got so bad that I had to fall back to my struggling parents for financial support. I didn’t start antenatal until the eight (8th) month of my pregnancy, which I won’t recommend for any expecting mother.

This estranged man called and sent us some money for hospital bills when I was due for delivery, warning me that I shouldn’t welcome any of my family members (particularly my mum) into our home when I put to bed.

I had complications during that child birth, and not one member of his family visited me at the hospital but my family members especially my mum were all there to support and help a dying daughter. Thank God for the gift of life.

That little concern he showed during my child birth vanished shortly after I was discharged, and this time around things got worse, he neither called to know how our new born baby faired nor to ask after our first child. As a fathered he failed his children and as a husband he betrayed and failed me.

I have called him on many occasions to plead with him to show us some love and care, but he’s too proud to hear me as all my pleas fell on deaf ears. To abuse us the more he ignored an emergency call put across to him by me for financial support when his first child was critically sick.
Recently he called meon phone  yelling like a horning train and calling me names like ‘demon’,’witch’ and many more, on the bases that his siblings told him some scary and terrifying secrets about me which am yet to find out .

To crown it all he recently threatened to physically abuse me if he comes back from abroad, and he said it’s real soon.

l don't wish to continue dwelling in this emotional trauma since the marriage is not really working . I want out, but I don’t know how to go about it Moreover as a graduate, I neither work nor trade.

Therefore I appeal to well-meaning Nigerian advocates to advise me on what steps to take in order to remain in custody of my two(2) children (aged 18 and 7 months respectively) as I fear that he’s coming to take my bundle of joy away from me.

Thank You.
P.S:.I Prefer to remain anonymous. Any help is appreciated and should please be channeled via klezey@gmail.com

READ ALSO - One Woman's Domestic Violence Story and How She Finally Left With Her Children

1. How I Got the Courage to Leave
2. How I Met my Abusive Husband
3. A Fatal Kind of Attraction
4. My Attempts to Leave or Separate
5. The Beginning of The Nightmare
6. How I Became A Different Person as an Abused Woman
7. The Red Flags I Overlooked Before my Abusive Marriage
8. Why I Kept Going Back To My Abusive Husband
9. When I Decided That I Will Not Die But Live
10. It Was Tough, But I Was Finally Able to Leave






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